Our Behaviour

OUR BEHAVIOR

A MANUAL OF ETIQUETTE AND DRESS

OF THE

BEST AMERICAN SOCIETY

By Mrs. E. B. DUFFEY,
AUTHOR OF "What Women Should Know," "No Sex in Education," ETC.

"Wisdom and virtue are by no means sufficient, without the supplemental laws of good breeding, to secure freedom from degenerating to rudeness, or self-esteem from swelling into insolence; a thousand incivilities may be committed, and a thousand offices neglected, without any remorse of conscience, or reproach from reason."—Dr. Johnson.

PHILADELPHIA
J. M. STODDART & CO
1876

Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1876, by
J. M. STODDART & CO.,
In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington.

Westcott & Thomson,
Stereotypers and Electrotypers, Philada.

Sherman & Co.,
Printers, Philada.

CONTENTS.

PREFACE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		3

PART I.
ETIQUETTE FOR GENERAL OCCASIONS.
CHAPTER I.
Introductory . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		9
CHAPTER II.
Introductions.
Introductions Bestowing of titles The lady's prerogative Lifting the hat Meeting in the street The "cut" Acquaintances formed in traveling Letters of introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		21
CHAPTER III.
Salutations.
Salutations of different nations The bow Words of salutation Shaking hands Etiquette of handshaking The kiss The kiss of respect The kiss of friendship Women kissing in public The lover's kiss . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		29
CHAPTER IV.
Conversation.
Listening Speaking one's mind Unwise expression of opinion Public mention of private matters Ostentatious display of knowledge Prudery Double entendres Indelicate words and expressions Profanity Vulgar exclamations Slang High-flown language Use of foreign language Undue familiarity Pretences Aristocratic assumptions Interruptions in conversation Dogmatic style of speaking Flattery Fault-finding Evil-speaking Topics to be avoided Egotism Wit Display of emotions Correct speech Absent-mindedness Whispering in Company Private affairs of others Impertinent questions The confidence of others Unpleasant topics of conversation Giving unsought advice Cant Conversing with ladies Congenial subjects of conversation Hobbies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		39
CHAPTER V.
The Etiquette of Visits.
Calls Morning-calls Evening-calls The visiting-card Inscription on visiting-card Receiving a visitor Departure of visitors General rules regarding calls "Engaged" or "Not at home" Reception days Offering refreshments to callers Calls in the country Calls during illness Etiquette of the visiting-card The first to call Calling on strangers Calling on an invalid Laying aside the bonnet Visits of condolence General invitations Limit of a prolonged visit True hospitality Duties of the visitor Leavetaking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		50
CHAPTER VI.
Dinner Parties and Balls.
Number of guests Time of sending invitations Manner of writing invitations Invitation accepted Invitation declined Invitation to tea-party Failing to fill an engagement Proper hour of dinner-party Punctuality Reception of guests Introduction of guests Proceeding to the dining-room Arrangement at the dining-table Dinner a la Russe Gloves and napkin Soup Fish General rules regarding dinner Watching how others do Retiring from table Giving a ball Choice of guests Requisites for success in ball-giving Flowers in a ball-room Invitations Necessary preparations for a ball Time for arrival at a ball Receiving guests at a ball Duties of an escort Ball tablets The ball supper Refreshments Engaging partners Refusing to dance Wall-flowers Introductions at balls Conclusion of the dance Retiring from the ball . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		63
CHAPTER VII.
Etiquette of the Street.
The protection of sex Times when escort is required Recognizing acquaintances upon the street Lady and gentleman walking together Keeping step Opening the door for a lady Up and down stairs Answering questions Smoking upon the streets Offensive behavior Carrying packages Carriage of a lady in public Forming acquaintances in public . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		81
CHAPTER VIII.
Etiquette of Traveling, Driving and Riding.
Duties of an escort in traveling A lady's duty to the escort A lady traveling alone Occupying too many seats Retaining possession of a seat Etiquette of street-cars Etiquette of ferry-boats Smoking in the presence of women Checking familiarity Duty of ladies to other ladies in traveling Traveling acquaintances Consulting the comfort of others Etiquette of public tables Attending to the wants of others Reading when traveling Selfishness of ladies Seat of honor in a carriage Entering a carriage Assisting ladies to alight Preparations for riding Assisting ladies to mount Pace in riding Assisting a lady to alight from a horse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		88
CHAPTER IX.
Etiquette of Public Places.
Conduct in church Invitation to opera or concert Conduct in opera, theatre or public hall Conduct in picture galleries Conduct at fancy fairs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		102
CHAPTER X.
Epistolary Etiquette.
The family letter The friendly letter The love letter The business letter Letters of introduction Letters of congratulation or condolence Letters of invitation General rules regarding letter-writing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		111
CHAPTER XI.
Etiquette of Courtship.
Social intercourse between the sexes Conduct of a gentleman toward ladies Conduct of a lady toward gentlemen Premature declaration Love at first sight Proper manner of courtship Proposals of marriage A lady's "no" The rejected suitor "Asking papa" An engagement ring Conduct of the fiancé The family of the young man The position of an engaged woman Position of an engaged man The relations of an engaged couple Presents after engagement Breaking an engagement . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		124
CHAPTER XII.
Table Etiquette.
The breakfast-table General rules for behavior at table Luncheon Dinner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		143
CHAPTER XIII.
Miscellaneous Rules of Etiquette.
Making and receiving presents Attention to young people in society Governing our moods Sympathizing with others Improper attitudes Shyness Precedence to others Moderation in speaking Boasting Salutations in public Singing and playing in society Card-playing Wine-drinking Smoking Spitting Ridicule Religious opinions Reading in company Habits to be avoided Asking and receiving a favor Removing the hat Absent-mindedness Treatment of inferiors Punctuality Uneasiness Conspicuous behavior Courtesies to a lady Intruding on privacy Forbidden familiarities Rudeness in speech Apologies Intrusions Privacy in company Saluting a general company Mentioning husband and wife Noticing deformities Administering reproof Eccentricity Contradiction A woman's good name Undertaking commissions Practical jokes Borrowed books Politeness Washington's maxims . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		149
CHAPTER XIV.
Etiquette of Card-playing.
Refusing to play Understanding the game Precedence in cards Proposing a game of cards New cards Husband and wife playing together Cheating at cards "Whist" Haste in playing Betting at cards Chess and other games Knowledge of cards and other games . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		170
CHAPTER XV.
Etiquette of Visiting-cards.
Fashion of visiting-cards Turning down the corner of a card P. P. C. Cards with bouquets Christmas presents Borrowed books Visiting-card of married lady Cards of congratulation or condolence Address of visiting-card Miss, Mrs. and Mr. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		77

PART II.
WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE AND ETIQUETTE OF FOREIGN COURTS.
CHAPTER I.
Social Etiquette at Washington.
Social duties of the President Presidential receptions Private call upon the President Social duties of Cabinet officers and their families Social duties of Congressmen and their families . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		178
CHAPTER II.
Foreign Titles.
Royalty Nobility Gentry Esquire Imperial rank European titles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		182
CHAPTER III.
Presentation at Court.
Those eligible to presentation at court Those not eligible Those who may present others . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		187

PART III.
ETIQUETTE OF SPECIAL CEREMONIALS.
CHAPTER I.
Wedding Etiquette.
Fixing the day Marriage settlements The trousseau Bridal presents Last visits before marriage Wedding-cards Wedding reception-card Wedding-envelopes Bridesmaids and groomsmen Bridal bouquets Dress of bridesmaids Dress of bridegroom At the church Duties of first groomsman The wedding-ring After the ceremony Marriage-fees Wedding reception The wedding-feast Dress at wedding Wedding-parties Wedding-calls Wedding-presents. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		191
CHAPTER II.
Anniversary Weddings.
The paper wedding The wooden wedding The tin wedding The crystal wedding The china wedding The silver wedding The golden wedding The diamond wedding Presents at anniversary weddings Invitations to anniversary weddings Marriage ceremony at anniversary weddings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		204
CHAPTER III.
Births and Christenings.
Naming the child The christening Godparents or sponsors Presents from godparents The christening ceremony Christening breakfast Christening gifts The hero of the day Christening fees . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		210
CHAPTER IV.
Funerals.
Invitations to a funeral Charge of affairs at a funeral Expense of a funeral General rules of etiquette concerning houses of mourning Draping the house in mourning Carriages for a funeral Avoid being too early at a funeral Exhibition of the corpse Receiving guests at a funeral Suitable dress for funerals Flowers at a funeral After the funeral Notification of death Obligation to attend a funeral Period of mourning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		216

PART IV.
DRESS.
CHAPTER I.
The Toilette.
Health and beauty The dressing-room Lady's dressing-room, etc. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		225
CHAPTER II.
General Rules in Regard to Dress.
Ladies' underclothing Outer dresses Gentlemen's underwear Appropriate dress Colors in dress Size in relation to dress and colors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		256
CHAPTER III.
Morning-dress for House and Street.
Morning-dress for home Morning-dress for visitor Morning-dress for street . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		265
CHAPTER IV.
Riding, Driving- and Visiting-dresses.
Carriage-dress Riding-dress Visiting and receiving calls Dress for receiving calls Dinner-dress Dress for hostess . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		270
CHAPTER V.
Evening Costumes.
Ordinary evening-dress Dress for evening call Dress for social party . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		276
CHAPTER VI.
Costumes for Public Places.
Dress for church Dress for the theatre Dress for lecture and concert . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		279
CHAPTER VII.
Costumes for Traveling.
Traveling-dress Going to Europe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		285
CHAPTER VIII.
Wedding-outfit.
The wedding-dress Dress of bridegroom Dress of bridesmaids Traveling-dress of bride Dress of guests at wedding reception The trousseau . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		290
CHAPTER IX.
Mourning.
Deep mourning Second mourning Lesser degrees in mourning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		295

TOILETTE RECIPES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .		299

This work was published before January 1, 1930, and is in the public domain worldwide because the author died at least 100 years ago.

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