Our Behaviour/Part 1/Chapter 10

MUCH of the happiness of this life depends upon letter-writing. Yet there are few who know how to write a letter correctly and properly in all respects.

There are various kinds of letters, prominent among which are the family letter, the friendly letter, the love letter, the business letter, the letter of congratulation or condolence, and letters of invitation and acceptance or declination.

First, and most important of all, comes the family letter. Women always write these best. They know how to pick up those little items of interest which are, after all, nearly the sum-total of home life, and which, by being carefully narrated, transport, for the time being, the recipient back to home and home interests. These letters should speak familiarly of all the inmates of the family, tell of the health or ill-health, haps or mishaps of each, and what they are doing or intending to do. They should give little gossipy items about neighbors ​and acquaintances. They may even descend to trifles about dress—how Maria has got a new black alpaca which she has made with a broad flounce and plain overskirt; Frances has turned her old blue silk and trimmed it with black lace, and made it look as good as new. They may refer to Billy, the favorite horse, and even announce an increase in pussy's family. Having furnished all the news, they should make kind and careful inquiries concerning the feelings and doings of the recipient; and if this recipient is not an adept in the art of letter-writing, they may furnish questions enough to be answered to make the reply an easy task. They should conclude with sincere expressions of affection from all the members of the family to the absent one, a desire for his speedy return or best welfare, and a request for an early answer.

There really is no set model for a family letter. It should be written as an agreeable and intelligent woman would chat.

The friendly letter can scarcely be described. It should be somewhat more dignified in tone, and not descend to such trivialities as the family letter. It should touch upon subjects of interest to each, and try to breathe throughout a spirit of sincerity and of genuine interest in the person addressed.

A letter of this character should receive an early ​reply, yet not too early, as that would place the first writer too soon under obligations to write again.

What can we say of the love letter? Only this: Let it be expressive of sincere esteem, yet written in such a style that if it should ever fall under the eye of the outside world there will be no silliness to blush about, nor extravagance of expression of which to be ashamed.

The business letter should be as brief as possible. No words should be wasted in preface, apology or explanation. Begin at once at the business on hand; state that in as few words as are consistent with clearness of meaning, and when that is done stop.

In writing a business letter to a gentleman a lady should first put his name in full, and then say "Sir," or "Dear Sir," never "My Dear Sir." A gentleman should observe a like rule in addressing a lady. The letter should conclude, "Yours," "Yours respectfully," "Yours truly," "Your obedient servant," or almost any of the forms commonly adopted, except "Yours, etc.," which means nothing except an expression of laziness.

It is most imperative that the business letter should contain the writer's name and address in full.

In replying to a business letter the writer should ​always recapitulate the substance of the letter received before the reply is given, that the correspondent may have the whole matter recalled to his mind, as a business man may have written so many business letters that the substance of this particular one may have entirely escaped his memory, and a reply which gave no clue to it would be entirely unintelligible.

It is allowable, and in some cases desirable, upon receiving a brief business letter, to write the reply on the same page, immediately beneath the original communication, thus returning both together. By this means the whole matter is brought up before the writer's mind without an effort.

A business letter should receive an immediate reply, which should be as brief and direct as circumstances will permit.

A letter of introduction should be written upon the best note-paper, with an envelope to correspond, and of a fashionable shape and size. The precise form of a letter of introduction is not essential, so that it expresses an earnest desire to have the friend whom it introduces received into the good esteem of the friend addressed.

Letters of introduction should never be sealed, and should bear upon the envelope, in the left-hand corner, the name and address of the person ​introduced. The following will give an idea of an appropriate form for a letter of introduction:

"Philadelphia, October 27, 1874.

"J. W. Osgood, Esq.:

"Dear Sir:

"I take the liberty of introducing to you my esteemed friend, Miss Mary A. Weeks, who contemplates spending some little time in your city. Any attentions you may find it possible to show her during her stay will be considered as a personal favor by

Yours sincerely,

"Mrs. E. B. Bartlett."

The envelope should bear the following superscription:

In writing letters of congratulation or condolence one should be careful to make them seem expressive ​of real feeling, and not have them sound like a mere form of words copied from some "Model Letter Writer." Therefore use no set form, such as that prescribed in the "Letter Writer's Own Book," but let the letter be natural and characteristic in its phraseology. Make letters of this character brief, and do not touch in them upon any subject save the one for which you are offering your congratulations or sympathy.

Letters of invitation are various in form, according to the occasion which calls them forth.

An invitation to a large party or ball should be sent out at least a fortnight beforehand, and should read as follows:

"Mrs. Neff requests the pleasure of Miss Williams' company at a ball on Thursday, Jan. 8, at 9 o'clock."

Invitations to a ball are always given in the name of the lady of the house.

The letter of acceptance should be as follows:

"Miss Williams accepts with pleasure Mrs. Neff's kind invitation for Thursday, Jan. 8."

Or if it is impossible to attend, a note something after the following style should be sent:

"Miss Williams regrets that a previous engagement [or whatever may be the preventing cause] will prevent her accepting Mrs. Neff's kind invitation for Jan. 8."

​The invitation to a large party is similar to that for a ball, only the words "at a ball" are omitted and the hour may be earlier. The notes of acceptance or rejection are the same as for a ball.

Such a note calls for full evening-dress. If the party is a small one, the same should be indicated in the note by putting in the words "to a small evening-party," so that there may be no mistake in the matter. There can certainly be nothing more embarrassing to a lady than to go in full evening-dress to the house of a friend expecting to find a large party there assembled all in similar costumes, and meet only a few friends and acquaintances plainly dressed.

If there is any special feature which is to give character to the evening, it is best, by all means, to mention this fact in the note of invitation. Thus the words "musical party," "to take part in dramatic readings," "to witness amateur theatricals," etc., should be inserted in the note. If there are programmes for the entertainment, be sure to enclose one.

An invitation from a gentleman to a lady to attend opera, theatre, concert, lecture or other entertainment should read as follows:

"Mr. Morris would be pleased to have Miss Dixon's company at the opera on Friday evening, February 6, when 'Norma' will be performed by Miss Kellogg's company at the Academy of Music."

Such an invitation calls for an immediate answer ​of acceptance or rejection. The lady may plead a prior engagement in rejecting.

For a general reception invitations are printed upon cards and require no answer. Their style should be similar to the following:

Invitations to a dinner-party should be in the name of both host and hostess:

"Mr. and Mrs. C. B. Campbell request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Morris' company at dinner on Monday, Dec. 23, at five o'clock."

A note of acceptance or refusal should be at once returned. The models of replies to invitations to balls will serve here.

An invitation to a tea-drinking need not be so formal. It should partake more of the nature of a friendly note, thus:

"Dear Miss Raymond: We have some friends ​coming to drink tea with us to-morrow; will you give us the pleasure of your company also? We hope you will not disappoint us.

"Mrs. Ellen Brown."

In writing to persons of superior rank than your own you should request the "honor" instead of "pleasure" of their company.

Invitations should be written upon small note paper, which may have initial or monogram stamped upon it.

All invitations should be dated at the top, with address written legibly at the bottom.

The body of the invitation should be in the middle of the sheet, the date above, to the right, the address below, to the left.

The invitation must be sent to the private residence of the person invited, never to the place of business. It should always be sent by a private messenger; for the post is so uncertain that it might not be received in time, if it did not fail altogether.

Should an invitation be declined, some reason must be given, the true cause—a prior engagement, a contemplated journey, sickness, domestic trouble, or whatever it may be—being stated clearly and concisely, so that the hostess shall have no possible occasion for offence. This refusal should be despatched as quickly as possible, so that the hostess may have time to supply the vacant place.

​An invitation once accepted, and an engagement made to dinner, should be sacredly observed. Only the most imperative necessity will justify its being broken. And in that case the fact must be communicated directly with a full explanation to the hostess. If it is too late to supply your place, it may at least be in time to prevent dinner waiting on your account.

The style of wedding invitations differs with changing fashions, so that there can be no imperative rule laid down. The same may be said regarding funerals.

All letters should be written in a clear, fair hand. The t's should be scrupulously crossed and the i's dotted, and the sentences sufficiently punctuated to allow of the sense being readily comprehended. We will not insist upon perfect punctuation for the very good reason that the vast majority of people are unequal to it.

A letter should be written on white paper with black ink. The best and most appropriate size of paper is what is known as "commercial note."

Monograms are only allowable in black or stamp. Gilt or colored monograms are exceedingly vulgar.

Letters should always bear the address of the writer. The best way is to have the address neatly printed at the top of the sheet. By this means no forgetfulness on the part of the writer in this respect will result disastrously.

​The name should always be signed in full to a letter of whatever character; and if the writer be a married lady, she should invariably, except in the most familiar missives, prefix "Mrs." to her name.

An elaborate or illegible signature intended to make an impression on the beholder is exceedingly snobbish.

In business and ceremonious letters do not write on both sides of the page.

Be very sparing in your underlining of words. Most letters need no italics whatever, and to emphasize words in every line by underscoring makes the whole letter weak, if not ridiculous.

Letters should present neither erasures nor blots.

Letters about one's own affairs, requiring an answer, should always enclose a stamp to pay return postage. A still better way is to send a stamped and directed envelope.

Letters should be directed in a clear, large hand to the person for whom they are intended. If they are to be in the care of some one else, let that be added after the name or in the lower left-hand corner of the letter.

It is well to put the writer's name and address on the outside of the envelope, and then, if the letter is not taken from the office, it will in course of time be returned direct to the sender.

Red sealing-wax is only used in business or official letters. The self-sealing envelopes preclude the necessity of using either wax or wafers.

​The stamp should be placed on the right-hand corner of the envelope, and it is well to bestow sufficient time upon it to place it right side up and perfectly straight.

In communicating bad news great care should be taken not to do it too abruptly.

We should speak of our own misfortunes as little as possible in our letters; and if they are matters that concern only ourselves, and the person to whom we write cannot in any way help us, but on the contrary is sure to be cast down at hearing of our troubles, it is well to omit their mention altogether.

We should not write in a tone of dejection, neither should we pen an ill-tempered letter. We shall be sure to be ashamed of such a one in our cooler moments. If we must relieve our feelings by writing the letter, then let us write it, but postpone the sending for a day or two, when our better judgment will probably prompt us to destroy the letter altogether.

Letters should always be civil in tone. If they are otherwise, they detract from the dignity of the writer rather than the receiver.

No gentleman or lady ever writes an anonymous letter. It is the weapon of cowards and knaves.

A familiar letter is always more or less egotistic, yet it must be made to seem as little so as possible. This can be done by avoiding the pronoun "I" whenever practicable.

A person in mourning should use note paper and ​envelope with a black border of more or less width, according to the degree of mourning to be exhibited. Too broad a border, however, is ostentatious and in exceedingly bad taste.

Errors in spelling and grammar are things which no well-bred person can afford to be guilty of. There is nothing which will so quickly prejudice another's mind against one as these. Style is also an important consideration. Something may be told pleasantly and in a lively manner which shall interest the reader. The same thing may be communicated in so dull and verbose a style that the reader will hardly have patience to read to the end.

The secret of good letter-writing consists in writing as you would speak, correctly and properly as possible, in a simple, concise, clear and natural manner.