What Women Should Know/Chapter 2

Necessity for Care and Watchfulness.—The period at which puberty—or the time when a girl passes from childhood into womanhood—is reached is one of the most important in woman's life. Upon her health, as then established, depends all her future physical well- or ill-being.

Development of Disease.—It is a period at which any latent seeds of disease are most liable to be developed. If the girl is known to have any constitutional or inherited tendencies toward special diseases, extra precautions should now be taken to guard against them. Consumption is one of the evils to be dreaded. If there is any taint of insanity, it is now exceedingly liable to show itself. Spinal disease may now be developed, and render its victim a life-long invalid. It is a time when guardians cannot be too watchful, and when the girl herself should be supplied with all needful information, that, through ignorance, she may commit no fatal error.

Theory vs. Practice of American Mothers.—Though we in America have theoretically reached a point on this question somewhat in advance of that ​arrived at by French and Italian mothers—who believe that innocence is compatible only with absolute ignorance, and whose every effort in the rearing of their daughters is directed toward bringing them to the arms of their future husbands totally uninformed regarding the mysteries of nature—still, in practice most of us are scarcely more sensible than they.

Indifference or False Delicacy of Mothers.—We suppose our daughters to acquire this knowledge somehow, but, yielding to a false delicacy or criminal indifference, where or by what means we never inquire. The result is that young girls gain much unnecessary knowledge, while that which is absolutely essential to their health and well-being they are often ignorant of.

The Mother a Proper Medium of Communication.—A mother should never leave to chance or to the communications of young associates the imparting of this knowledge, which so closely concerns the girl's future welfare. If she has maintained that intimacy of relationship which should exist between mother and daughter, and which, if it does not exist, must be due to some grave error of the mother, she will not find her task a difficult one. If she believes it impossible to approach the subject naturally and properly with her daughter, there are always good books within reach which she can safely place in that daughter's hands, knowing that within them she will find all necessary information, and that, reading them with her mother's sanction, the daughter will escape ​that prurient curiosity which a secret reading would be sure to engender.

When should Certain Information be Imparted?—For my own part, I am exceedingly radical on this point. I can hardly expect the majority of parents to agree with me, yet I am thus far perfectly satisfied with the results of my course. In a family of children I would have no mysteries. There should be no fables of babies brought by doctors or nurses, or being found under cabbage-leaves. While children should be taught there were certain subjects not proper for general or frivolous conversation, I would still have these subjects explained and understood, and, when it seemed desirable or necessary, plainly and freely discussed before or with them. A carefully-trained daughter will see nothing to excite merriment when the sufferings and perils of maternity are described properly to her, and there could be no greater check upon the levity of less carefully educated, though perhaps not really evil-minded, companions, when they sought to impart knowledge—not necessarily improper knowledge, but knowledge improperly obtained—than for this daughter to say, "I know all that: my mother told me." It robs the whole subject at once of that pleasant secresy and impropriety which to some minds attends stolen knowledge. Besides, a daughter thus well informed cannot fail to have a greater love and reverence for that mother, who, to give her life, has suffered so much.

​Evil, of Excited and Ungratified Curiosity.—It is a natural yet unduly excited curiosity, rather than sensuality, which is the stumbling-block in the way of most young girls, even leading to their moral ruin. Such curiosity is, I believe, most effectually stifled by the course I have recommended above.

Age at which Puberty is Reached.—The age at which puberty is reached varies in individuals, in races and in climates. In warm climates girls develop into womanhood sooner than in cold ones. In our own climate, and in the white race, girls usually reach this period somewhere between thirteen and fifteen years of age. I have known of cases even. two years earlier, and others two years later, but fourteen may be set down as the average age.

Physical Signs of the Approach of Puberty.—The signs of the approach of this period are easily recognized. The young girl has nearly reached the stature of womanhood, having perhaps grown very rapidly during the previous year or two. If she is tall, she most probably gives the impression of nothing but height, and is not inaptly described by her friends as a "bean-pole." Though her bust begins to fill out, her form still lacks that roundness and softness of outline which a few years will add to it. Her appetite is capricious. If she is subject to close confinement or hard study, it will tell upon her as at no other period. She does not feel either strong or well, though she does not complain of actual sickness. The inconsiderate will probably call her lazy.

​Mental Signs of its Approach.—The mental signs are no less marked than the physical. The young girl, who may heretofore have been ordinarily placid and even in temper, suddenly develops an unwonted petulance and fretfulness. She is subject to fits of nervous depression for which she cannot herself account; and she is equally subject to spells of nervous exaltation or excitability. She becomes moody, and desires to be frequently alone. She exhibits various phases of mawkish sentimentality, that would perhaps be amusing and ridiculous, were they not to be set down as inevitable symptoms of the coming change.

Course to be Pursued by Parents.—Her parents and friends should bear with her patiently and indulgently, and have no fears that her freaks and whims will become permanent characteristics. Let her vagaries of temper and demeanor be checked with gentleness and consideration. Of all things, avoid ridicule. She is particularly sensitive at this period, and her melancholies and unhappinesses, as groundless as they may appear to others, all seem to her to have a substantial basis.

Preparations for the Coming Change.—The only preparations which can be made for the coming change are to take special care of the general health, and to guard the mind from everything which can unduly excite or depress it. Physical or mental stimulation, from whatever cause, is of all things to be most carefully avoided.

​Food.—The food must be most nutritious, yet not stimulating. Milk, butter and eggs are all desirable and even necessary articles of diet for the young girl. Meat should be moderately partaken of, but not in excess. Tea and coffee should both be avoided, as should also rich and highly-spiced food, sweets and pickles. Fruit and vegetables are always desirable articles of diet, but they are not enough of themselves alone, as they do not contain sufficient nutritive properties. The girl's system needs nourishing and sustaining now more than at any other period. If she exhibits any morbid appetites—and girls at this critical age frequently develop strange fancies for chalk and slate-pencils, and sometimes vinegar—a wise mother will regard these as indications of certain wants in the girl's system which are thus being supplied. Instead of forbidding the indulgence of these appetites, and then thinking no more about the matter, she will endeavor to find out what it is her daughter requires, and then at once supply it in the more appropriate form of food. Thus the need of bran bread, and of food in which phosphates are largely present, is indicated by a morbid craving for chalk; and the free use of fruit and vegetables will correct the unnatural, or, rather, unusual, desire for acids.

Exercise.—Plentiful exercise in the open air is of the utmost importance. Some mothers see no necessity for this, and say that if their daughters perform their proper share of the household labor, they will get all the exercise they need. I would not ​have the young girl excluded from participation in domestic duties. Such a participation may prove beneficial to her health now, and equally important as regards a proper knowledge of the probable duties of her future life.

Danger of too Hard Work.—But work is not exercise, and the girl who is kept so busily employed in kitchen and chamber that she has neither time nor disposition for romps in the open air is made to work too hard. And there is most certainly such a thing as making a girl work too hard at this age. There are many things which seem trifling for a healthful, well-developed woman to do, which are exceedingly hard and hurtful to the undeveloped girl. Lifting, stooping, carrying heavy weights, too prolonged exertion in any one direction, are all exceedingly injurious. Some girls, of course, can naturally do more than others; and if a girl be weak, hard labor will take away from, rather than add to, the little strength she has.

Romping Desirable.—I would, at this period, allow a girl to be as "tomboyish" as her inclinations lead her to be. I have little patience with calisthenics, gymnastics, the use of the dumb-bells and other feminine substitutes for exercise which so many persons recommend. I have still less with those people who constantly check a young girl in her every effort to give natural play to her muscles by telling her that she is almost a woman now, and it is very improper and unlady-like for her to be so rude. I ​hold that the very fact that at this age she seems more prone to romping than at any other is positive proof that nature requires this means to develop her into healthy womanhood: therefore, it is perfectly proper. Let her ride, drive, row, swim, run, climb fences, and even trees, if she has a mind to. She is only laying the foundation for future good health.

Bathing.—As frequent bathing is an essential for the enjoyment of perfect health for any human being, so is it especially desirable at this age.

Proper Time for a Bath.—The middle of the forenoon is usually recommended as the best time for taking a bath; but this recommendation is given with the frequent narrow-sightedness of physicians, who, spending their whole time in taking care of the health of other people, forget that these people have anything else to do besides looking after it themselves. A suggestion of this sort, to be of any avail, must be one that can be easily followed. You may tell people that they must bathe daily at ten o'clock in the morning, but very few will have time or inclination to obey the direction. Most girls have something to do besides thinking about their health, and we must try to reconcile these apparently conflicting duties. The best time for bathing, to my mind, because the most convenient and the one most likely to be used, is that upon rising and before dressing in the morning.

Objection to Night Bathing.—A cold bath at night excites and stimulates the system too much, and is apt to interfere with sleep.

​Manner of Taking a Bath.—Not more than five minutes need be spent in these morning ablutions. If one prefers it and has the necessary conveniences, a brief plunge in the bath-tub, followed by brisk rubbing, will be found agreeable and desirable. When there is no-bath-tub, a common hand-basin filled with water is all that is needed. The water is best cold, if the system can bear it. If not, it may be tepid, but it is best to try and gradually reduce the temperature. Winter and summer this bath should be continued; and when one becomes accustomed to it, even ice-cold water will not be objected to in the severest weather. The bathing should be as rapid as possible, and can be done with the hand alone or with a sponge or rag. I am inclined to believe the friction of the hand preferable. The rubbing with the towel in drying should be brisk, and sufficient to bring a glow to the skin. The clothing should be put on immediately afterward. Any one who has made a trial of these daily morning baths will be loth to relinquish them.

Shower Baths.—Some people may derive benefit from shower baths, but from my own experience I cannot recommend them. They produce too great a shock for a nervous or sensitive organization, and I think them especially inappropriate for a young girl just approaching womanhood.

Cold Feet.—Girls as they approach puberty are frequently subject to cold feet. The exception I would make in favor of night bathing is in bathing ​the feet. If the feet are plunged into cold water just before going to bed, immediately withdrawn and briskly rubbed with a coarse towel, the trouble of cold feet at night will in all probability soon disappear. This is, besides, an excellent remedy for sleeplessness. The reaction from the cold bath, in drawing the blood to the feet, consequently draws it away from the brain, and that quiet is induced which is necessary to peaceful and beneficial sleep.

Snow Baths.—Few people know the luxury of a snow bath, for to one whose system is inured to the use of cold water in the daily morning bath it is indeed a luxury. And here let me tell a secret to young girls: There is no cosmetic to be obtained at the druggist's so potent in its effects and so harmless in its results as snow. The requisites for a snow bath are a basin of snow and a piece of castile soap. Wash thoroughly hands, arms, face and neck with the snow and soap. Every impurity of the skin which water sometimes fails to remove in cold weather will disappear under their united influence.

Cure for Chapped Hands.—Snow and soap art a sure remedy for chapped hands, removing all the roughness and soreness, and leaving the skin soft, white and pure as a baby's. I have seen this remedy tried with perfect success in most aggravated cases.

Early Rising.—I plead guilty to being an earnest and honest opponent, on principle, to early rising. Those who desire to rise early, and who find they feel better for it, are welcome to do so. But I maintain ​that a loss of necessary sleep is no gain to the individual. And he or she who would rise with the birds of a summer morning certainly loses necessary rest, unless he or she retires with or before the chickens at night.

Early Retiring.—If people would talk about "early retiring" instead of "early rising." then I might possibly agree with them. No person, until he or she has fully reached man's or woman's estate, should, except on the rarest occasions, be out of bed after nine o'clock in the evening-ten o'clock is late enough for any one but the veriest owl; and if these hours are observed, the rising will take care of itself.

Time Necessary for Sleep.—Some people whose physical system is developed, rather than their nervous or mental one, may find seven hours' sleep amply sufficient for their needs. I knew one old gentleman who, finding five hours all that he required or could obtain, insisted that no one else needed any more, and that we were all a race of sluggards, to go to bed before eleven or twelve or lie there later than four or five. But each individual must be a judge of his or her own needs. For the young girl, especially at this critical period of her life, I think a large amount of sleep is required. Her nerves are not necessarily deranged, but she is in a condition when they will easily become so; and plenty of sound, healthful sleep is the best preventive against this danger. This, too, is a time when the brain is more ​easily excited to unhealthful activity, and prolonged sleep is the only remedy for this trouble and antidote to its evil effects. There should be imperatively no late night hours, nor should there be allowed any lingering in bed in the morning after the soundness of sleep is broken. In ordinary cases nine hours is not too much time out of the twenty-four for a girl to devote to sleep. If she says she needs and uses ten, do not dispute the fact or deny her the privilege; only try that the extra hour shall be added in the evening rather than in the morning.

Dress.—I feel almost discouraged before even beginning the discussion of the subject of dress; for after so many have spoken earnestly and yet vainly, I know how little anything I may say will be heeded. Still, it is one of the most important things to be considered in the case of a young girl.

Dress for Winter.—Her dress should be amply warm and comfortable for winter. There should be under-clothing of flannel or merino. The stockings should be wool, and the shoes thick-soled, solid and stout. (Is there any use in entering a protest against too high heels?)

Improper and Insufficient Clothing at Parties and Balls.—No exigency of dinner or evening entertainment should ever sanction a mother, especially at this critical period, in sending a daughter out into inclement weather, and afterward into ill-ventilated and ill-heated rooms, clad in garments which from their scantiness are hardly appropriate for sum​mer. Bare neck and arms have been sufficient in many a case to send a young girl to her grave.

Proper Method of Making a Girl's Clothing.—I have nothing to say about the material or special fashioning of a girl's clothing. These matters mothers must decide, bringing to their aid good natural common sense and that judgment which (it is to be hoped) years of experience have endowed them with. True, I have my opinions, but I will not obtrude them here. The clothing about the body and chest must be worn loosely. To secure this, let everything be fastened with buttons. If hooks and eyes can be used, it is a very good sign that the clothing is too tight. The mother should see that as her daughter's form develops there is no binding about the breast. There should be ample breathing-room, and ample room for development. There should be no weight depending from the hips. Waists and straps should carry the burden to the shoulders, or, what is better, distribute it evenly to all the muscles of the body.

Evils of Stays.—There must be no Corset Worn. Aside from the evils of tight lacing, toward which there is always a temptation when stays are worn, the stays are in every way injurious. The bones which stiffen them press against the tender tissues of the growing bust, not only preventing its full development, but laying the foundation for future troubles when the girl shall become a woman and a mother. They press against the heart and retard its ​functions, leading to various complications of that organ which sometimes result in death. They weaken the stomach, the bowels and the lungs by checking their action, so that chronic dyspepsia, constipation and consumption may result directly and solely from their use. They are frequently an active agent in liver complaint, hindering the free action of those organs whose duty it is to secrete and dispense bile. They weaken the muscles of the entire chest, so that in time they become a necessity, and without them the girl feels as if she were "falling to pieces." She gets to actually believe that God and nature were not competent to create her in perfection, but that she needs a supplemental skeleton worn on the outside to complete her. The tendency of stays is to compress the internal organs and push them downward, and then there results a long train of evils, known as "female complaints," which unmarried women ought to be ashamed to confess to, but which are frightfully prevalent among them.

Culpability of Mothers.—A woman who has these facts brought before her, and who still, for fashion's sake, persists in putting her young daughter into stays, is unworthy to be a mother. I sometimes think the law ought to take cognizance of such cases, and punish them as a crime only less in degree than murder. It is not actually depriving another of life, but it is to a certainty rendering that life miserable, and the sufferer incompetent to the complete and easy performance of the duties assigned her.

​False Bosoms.—A mother should discountenance in her daughter the use of cotton to give the appearance of a full development of the breasts. Not only is it a most clumsy device which never for one moment causes art to be mistaken for nature, but it is also an injurious practice. The cotton heats and debilitates the mammary glands, while its weight and pressure prevent their full growth and expansion. If nature has really been niggardly, and her work seems to need supplementing, there are false busts to be obtained at the stores, light and airy in construction, which can be worn with perfect safety, and which far better counterfeit nature. It should be borne in mind, however, that, though girls of foreign birth or extraction frequently possess busts of extreme fullness, this is not a characteristic of an American girl; that slenderness of form and delicacy of outline, rather than voluptuous development, are her attributes; and that she who simulates the full and rounded bosom of the matron lays herself open to the possible charge of vulgarity.

Prevention better than Cure.—I have always believed prevention better than cure. And the mother who, in the care of her daughter, sees that the directions I have given are faithfully carried out, may feel tolerable confidence that that daughter will be ushered into womanhood safely, and subject to none of the distressing complaints which so often render a woman's life one of misery and uselessness.