What Women Should Know/Chapter 19

Which is Greatest, Woman or Mother?—We are frequently taught in various indirect ways that the mother is of more consequence than the woman—that a single function swells to such magnitude that it eclipses and overbalances all others, and makes the exercise of any other inconvenient, inexpedient and, in fact, impossible. I cannot believe this. God has given neither man nor woman any faculty, any capability or desire which he has not afforded the means of using and gratifying, and made it lawful to attempt to use and to gratify.

True, there are few human beings who attain to the full summit of their desires and ambitions; but all men and women alike are privileged to try. Nor do I believe that women more than men are under obligations to cast aside their hopes and plans when they take upon themselves domestic duties. Paternity has its cares and duties as well as maternity, not so complicated perhaps, but quite as imperative, and which cannot be disregarded without guilt.

Obligations of Fatherhood and Motherhood.—Both fatherhood and motherhood imply obli​gations, the faithful fulfillment of which will sometime conflict and interfere with the carrying forward of favorite plans. But the woman who forgets that she is a mother in the pursuit of pleasure, art or science is no more culpable than the man who utterly neglects the duties of husband and father in mechanical pursuits, political ambitions or desire for literary fame. While the world is apt to condemn the former, and forgive, or at least excuse, the latter, both are, in truth, grievously and equally guilty.

Woman more than Mother.—Still, while I do not in the least undervalue the importance of the mother, I hold that the woman is more than the mother, as the whole is more than a part. I hold that the entire individual whose faculties have been allowed free development in every direction, and who has attained to a perfect womanhood physically, mentally and morally—who understands her relations and recognizes her obligations, not to the family alone, but to society and the world—is more than the woman whose development is partial and functional, whose intellect is dwarfed, and whose moral and emotional natures are trained only in their relation to maternity—whose mature life must begin with disappointment and self-abnegation; in whom patience becomes the one predominant virtue, and uncharitableness toward all outside her own immediate circle, born of a narrow view of life, the universal vice. Such a woman may suckle babes with partial success, though I doubt even that; but she is in every way unfitted to be the ​guardian and guide of her children through the perilous paths of youth up to manhood and womanhood.

The "Model Mother."—Yet this is the model mother whom we are called upon to admire, whose virtues we must emulate and after whose life we must pattern our own! Such women do sometimes exhibit a rare saintliness in their lives, but it is a saintliness which aids directly in the fostering of selfishness and all unsaintliness in those with whom they come in contact. It is such women who encourage husbands in selfishness and arrogance; who have idle, frivolous daughters and vicious, dissipated sons; who, in the bringing up of these worthless sons and daughters, contribute so much toward making just so many future unhappy homes. This is not the true pattern of womanhood. God forbid! Patience is an excellent virtue when it it absolutely needed, but an unreasonable and unreasoning patience is a sin.

Inherited Traits.—It is an evident fact that the physical traits of both father and mother are inherited. Thus the fuller and more robust the health of the mother, the greater reason to hope she will bear healthy children. Moral and intellectual traits are also undoubtedly inherited. Even appetites are transmitted from father to son. Thus the son of a drunkard, or even a moderate drinker, inherits an appetite for strong drink which will develop itself if it is allowed opportunity. All these physical, mental and moral characteristics, entailed by one generation on those which succeed it, are variously modified, some​times intensified, and sometimes perhaps almost lost sight of.

Maternal Influences.—The child undoubtedly inherits quite as much from the father as from the mother, but to the mother alone is entrusted the modification of this inheritance. If it be an evil trait, it may be developed abnormally, or it may be so modified or opposed by habits of self-control as to become almost harmless. If it be a good one, it also may be strengthened, or it may be weakened, according to the mother's acts and states of mind previous to the birth of her child. We do not gather grapes of thorns nor figs of thistles. An idle, thoughtless mother, or one who allows herself to be indolent physically and mentally during the important period when she is living a double life, can hardly expect that second life to rise above her own mental plane. If the mother would have her child develop all the characteristics of the highest intellectual and moral manhood or womanhood, she should not, on any account, allow her mind to sink into that temporary imbecility which is the frequent accompaniment of pregnancy, and of which hysteria is a prominent phase. She can help it if she will, but only by constant activity save during periods of needful rest.

A fretful, low-spirited, mother cannot hope to have any other than a troublesome babe, who will wear her life out while it is young, and wear somebody else's life out when it is older. A woman giving way during pregnancy to fits of temper and selfish promptings ​must expect to reap as she sows. As she keeps herself in body, mind and spirit during the brief months of her pregnancy, so she maps out the future life of her child. If it is destined to inherit evil propensities from either father or mother, a selfish, unreasoning course on the part of the mother will strengthen these propensities almost beyond the power of control. It is possible, with a reverse course, to give counterbalancing traits, so that the child shall be enabled to keep these propensities under control and finally obtain the mastery of them, growing up to a noble manhood or womanhood.

I have seen people of whom it was said they were born lazy, and I did not greatly doubt it when I remembered the idle, self-indulgent life so many prospective mothers lead.

A Mother's Responsibility.—To the mother there is given the moulding of the whole character. Some have, with what they thought extreme temerity, declared that the education of the child begins from the moment of its birth. I am bolder than this, and assert that it begins from the very time of conception—even before the beat of its little heart is perceptible beneath that of its mother. If the mother would endow her child with all the qualities most to be desired, she must be careful of her health and maintain it at its highest standpoint; she must keep her mind actively employed, and her thoughts free from everything that is not of an elevating and refining nature; she must be cheerful, even-tempered, patient, self-de​nying, conscientious and brave in all her acts, having ever before her mind the sacredness of the trust reposed in her.

A Perfect Motherhood.—Only the true, the fully-developed woman, with no dwarfed, repressed or preverted faculties, is able to comprehend the trust of motherhood in all its magnitude, and to live fully up to its requirements. Whenever we find this true, perfect womanhood, we may look for the perfect motherhood, giving to the world sons and daughters fashioned in the original likeness of man-a little lower than the angels.

The Sacredness of Motherhood.—It is a motherhood such as this which is sacred in its character, and to be revered by all men. It places woman, the fashioner, next to God, the Creator, and is typified in that saintly motherhood of Mary, whom all good Catholics revere, some doubtless in blind and ignorant faith; while others see with their spiritual vision the meaning of the halo which rests upon the virgin mother's brow. A like aureole of glory surrounds all true, pure mothers, showing their worthiness to sit upon the very steps of the heavenly throne.