The Roaring Girle/Act 3 Scene 2
Enter Mistresse Gallipot as from supper, her husband after her.
Maist. Gal.What Pru, Nay sweete Prudence.
Mist. Gal.What a pruing keepe you, I thinke the baby would haue a teate it kyes so, pray be not so fond of me, leaue your Citty humours, I'me vext at you to see how like a calfe you come bleating after me.
Maist. Gal.Nay hony Pru: how does your rising vp before all the table shew? and flinging from my friends so vnciuily, fiye Pru, fye, come.
Mist. Gal.Then vp and ride ifaith.
Maist. Gal.Vp and ride, nay my pretty Pru, thats farre from my thought, ducke: why mouse, thy minde is nibbling at something, whats ist, what lyes vpon thy Stomach?
Mist. Gal.Such an asse as you: hoyda, y'are best turne mid∣wife, or Physition: y'are a Poticary already, but I'me none of your drugs.
Maist. Gal.Thou art a sweete drug, sweetest Pru, and the more thou art pounded, the more pretious.
Mist. Gal.Mnst you be prying into a womans secrets: say ye?
Maist. Gal.Womans secrets.
Mist. Gal.What? I cannot haue a qualme come vpon mee but your teeth waters, till your nose hang ouer it.
Maist. Gal.It is my loue deere wife.
Mist. Gal.Your loue? your loue is all words; giue mee deeds, I cannot abide a man thats too fond ouerme, so cookish; thou dost not know how to handle a woman in her kind,
Maist. Gal.No Pru? why I hope I haue handled.———
Mist. Gal.Handle a fooles head of your owne,—fih—fih.
Maist. Gal.Ha, ha, tis such a waspe; it does mee good now to haue her sing me, little rogue.
Mist. Gal.Now fye how you vex me, I cannot abide these aperne husbands: such cotqueanes, you ouerdoe your things, they become you scuruily.
Maist. Gal.Vpon my life she breeds, heauen knowes how I haue straind my selfe to please her, night and day: I wonder why wee Cittizens should get children so fretfull and vntoward in the breeding, their fathers being for the most part as gentle as milch kine: shall I leaue thee my Pru.
Mist. Gal.Fye, fye, fye.
Maist. Gal.Thou shalt not bee vext no more, pretty kind rogue, take no cold sweete Pru.
Exit Maist. Gallipot.
Exit Maist. Gallipot.
Mist. Gal.As your wit has done: now Maister Laxton shew your head, what newes from you? would any husband suspect that a woman crying, Buy any scurui-grasse, should bring loue letters amongst her herbes to his wife, pretty tricke, fine conueyance? had iealousy a thousand eyes, a silly woman with scuruy-grasse blinds them all; Laxton with bayes crown I thy wit for this, it deserues praise.
This makes me affect thee more, this prooues thee wise,
Lacke what poore shift is loue forc't to deuise? (toth' point)
This makes me affect thee more, this prooues thee wise,
Lacke what poore shift is loue forc't to deuise? (toth' point)
She reads the letter.
O Sweete Creature—(a sweete beginning) pardon my long absence, for thou shalt shortly be possessed with my presence; though Demophon was false to Phillis, I will be to thee as Pan-da-rus was to Cres-sida: tho Eneus made an asse of Dido, I will dye to thee ere I do so; o sweetest creature make much of me, for no man beneath the siluer moone shall make more of a woman then I do of thee, furnish me therefore with thirty pounds, you must doe it of necessity for me; I languish till I see some comfort come from thee, protesting not to dye in thy debt, but rather to liue so, as hitherto I haue and will.
Thy true Laxton euer.
Alas poore Gentleman, troth I pitty him,
How shall I raise this money? thirty pound?
Tis thirty sure, a 3 before an 0,
I know his threes too well; my childbed linnen?
Shall I pawne that for him? then if my marke
Be knowne I am vndone; it may be thought
My husband's bankrout: which way shall I turne?
Laxton, what with my owne feares, and thy wants,
I'me like a needle twixt two adamants.
O Sweete Creature—(a sweete beginning) pardon my long absence, for thou shalt shortly be possessed with my presence; though Demophon was false to Phillis, I will be to thee as Pan-da-rus was to Cres-sida: tho Eneus made an asse of Dido, I will dye to thee ere I do so; o sweetest creature make much of me, for no man beneath the siluer moone shall make more of a woman then I do of thee, furnish me therefore with thirty pounds, you must doe it of necessity for me; I languish till I see some comfort come from thee, protesting not to dye in thy debt, but rather to liue so, as hitherto I haue and will.
Thy true Laxton euer.
Alas poore Gentleman, troth I pitty him,
How shall I raise this money? thirty pound?
Tis thirty sure, a 3 before an 0,
I know his threes too well; my childbed linnen?
Shall I pawne that for him? then if my marke
Be knowne I am vndone; it may be thought
My husband's bankrout: which way shall I turne?
Laxton, what with my owne feares, and thy wants,
I'me like a needle twixt two adamants.
Enter Maister Gallipot hastily.
Maist. Gal.Nay, nay, wife, the women are all vp, ha, how, reading a letters? I smel a goose, a couple of capons, and a gammon of bacon from her mother out of the country, I hold my life,—steale,—steale.
Mist. Gal.O beshrow your heart.
She teares the letter.Maist. Gal.What letter's that? I'le see't.
Mist. Gal.Oh would thou had'st no eyes to see the downefall of me and thy selfe: I'me for euer, for euer I'me vndone.
Maist. Gal.What ailes my Pru? what paper's that thou tear'st?
Mist. Gal.Would I could teare
My very heart in peeces: for my soule
Lies on the racke of shame, that tortures me
Beyond a womans suffering.
My very heart in peeces: for my soule
Lies on the racke of shame, that tortures me
Beyond a womans suffering.
Maist. Gall.What meanes this?
Mist. Gall.Had you no other vengeance to throw downe,
But euen in heigth of all my ioyes?
But euen in heigth of all my ioyes?
Maist. Gal.Deere woman.
Mist. Gal.When the full sea of pleasure and content seem'd to flow ouer me.
Maist. Gal.As thou desirest to keepe mee out of bedlam, tell what troubles thee, is not thy child at nurse falne sicke, or dead?
Mist. Gal.Oh no.
Maist. Gal.Heauens blesse me, are my barnes and houses
Yonder at Hockly hole consum'd with fire,
I can build more, sweete Pru.
Yonder at Hockly hole consum'd with fire,
I can build more, sweete Pru.
Mist. Gal.Tis worse, tis worse.
Maist. Gal.My factor broke, or is the Ionas suncke.
Mist. Gal.Would all we had were swallowed in the waues,
Rather then both should be the scorne of slaues.
Rather then both should be the scorne of slaues.
Maist. Gal.I'me at my wits end.
Mist. Gal.Oh my deere husband,
Where once I thought my selfe a fixed starre,
Plac't onely in the heauen of thine armes,
I feare now I shall proue a wanderer,
Oh Laxton, Laxton, is it then my fate
To be by thee orethrowne?
Where once I thought my selfe a fixed starre,
Plac't onely in the heauen of thine armes,
I feare now I shall proue a wanderer,
Oh Laxton, Laxton, is it then my fate
To be by thee orethrowne?
Maist. Gal.Defend me wisedome,
From falling into frenzie, on my knees.
Sweete Pru, speake, whats that Laxton who so heauy lyes on thy bosome.
From falling into frenzie, on my knees.
Sweete Pru, speake, whats that Laxton who so heauy lyes on thy bosome.
Mist. Gal.I shall sure run mad.
Maist. Gal.I shall run mad for company then: speak to me,
I'me Gallipot thy husband,—Pru,—why Pru.
Art sicke in conscience for some villanous deed
Thou wert about to act, didst meane to rob me,
Tush I forgiue thee, hast thou on my bed
Thrust my soft pillow vnder anothers head?
Ile winke at all faults Pru, las thats no more,
Then what some neighbours neere thee, haue done before,
Sweete hony Pru, whats that Laxton?
I'me Gallipot thy husband,—Pru,—why Pru.
Art sicke in conscience for some villanous deed
Thou wert about to act, didst meane to rob me,
Tush I forgiue thee, hast thou on my bed
Thrust my soft pillow vnder anothers head?
Ile winke at all faults Pru, las thats no more,
Then what some neighbours neere thee, haue done before,
Sweete hony Pru, whats that Laxton?
Mist. Gall.Oh.
Maist. Gal.Out with him.
Mist. Gall.Oh hee's borne to be my vndoer,
This hand which thou calst thine, to him was giuen,
To him was I made sure ith sight of heauen.
This hand which thou calst thine, to him was giuen,
To him was I made sure ith sight of heauen.
Maist. Gal.I neuer heard this thunder.
Mist. Gall.Yes, yes, before
I was to thee contracted, to him I swore,
Since last I saw him twelue moneths three times told,
The Moone hath drawne through her light siluer bow,
For ore the seas hee went, and it was said,
(But Rumor lyes) that he in France was dead.
But hee's aliue, oh hee's aliue, he sent,
That letter to me, which in rage I rent,
Swearing with oathes most damnably to haue me,
Or teare me from this bosome, oh heauens saue me,
I was to thee contracted, to him I swore,
Since last I saw him twelue moneths three times told,
The Moone hath drawne through her light siluer bow,
For ore the seas hee went, and it was said,
(But Rumor lyes) that he in France was dead.
But hee's aliue, oh hee's aliue, he sent,
That letter to me, which in rage I rent,
Swearing with oathes most damnably to haue me,
Or teare me from this bosome, oh heauens saue me,
Maist. Gal.My heart will breake,—sham'd and vndone for euer.
Mist. Gal.So black a day (poore wretch) went ore thee neuer.
Maist. Gal.If thou shouldst wrastle with him at the law,
Th'art sure to fall, no odde slight, no preuention.
Ile tell him th'art with child.
Th'art sure to fall, no odde slight, no preuention.
Ile tell him th'art with child.
Mist. Gal.Vmh.
Maist. Gall.Or giue out one of my men was tane a bed with thee.
Mist. Gal.Vmh, vmh.
Maist. Gal.Before I loose thee my deere Pru,
Ile driue it to that push.
Ile driue it to that push.
Mist. Gal.Worse, and worse still,
You embrace a mischiefe, to preuent an ill.
You embrace a mischiefe, to preuent an ill.
Maist. Gal.Ile buy thee of him, stop his mouth with Gold,
Think'st thou twill do.
Think'st thou twill do.
Mist. Gall.Oh me, heauens grant it would,
Yet now my sences are set more in tune,
He writ, as I remember in his letter,
That he in riding vp and downe had spent,
(Ere hee could finde me) thirty pounds, send that,
Stand not on thirty with him.
Yet now my sences are set more in tune,
He writ, as I remember in his letter,
That he in riding vp and downe had spent,
(Ere hee could finde me) thirty pounds, send that,
Stand not on thirty with him.
Maist. Gal.Forty Pru, say thou the word tis done, wee venture liues for wealth, but must do more to keepe our wiues, thirty or forty Pru.
Mist. Gal.Thirty good sweete
Of an ill bargaine lets saue what we can,
Ile pay it him with my teares, he was a man
When first I knew him of a meeke spirit,
All goodnesse is not yet dryd vp I hope.
Of an ill bargaine lets saue what we can,
Ile pay it him with my teares, he was a man
When first I knew him of a meeke spirit,
All goodnesse is not yet dryd vp I hope.
Maist. Gall.He shall haue thirty pound, let that stop all:
Loues sweets tast best, when we haue drunke downe Gall.
Loues sweets tast best, when we haue drunke downe Gall.
Enter Maister Tiltyard, and his wife, Maister Goshawke, and Mistresse Openworke.
Gods so, our friends; come, come, smoth your cheeke;
After a storme the face of heauen looks sleeke.
After a storme the face of heauen looks sleeke.
Maist. Tilt.Did I not tell you these turtles were together?
Mist. Tilt.How dost thou sirra? why sister Gallipot?
Mist. Open.Lord how shee's chang'd?
Gosh.Is your wife ill sir?
Maist. Gal.Yes indeed la sir, very ill, very ill, neuer worse,
Mist. Tilt.How her head burnes, feele how her pulses work.
Mist. Open.Sister lie downe a little, that alwaies does mee good.
Mist. Tilt.In good sadnesse I finde best ease in that too,
Has shee laid some hot thing to her Stomach?
Has shee laid some hot thing to her Stomach?
Mist. Gal.No, but I will lay something anon.
Maist. Tilt.Come, come fooles, you trouble her, shal's goe Maister Goshawke?
Gosh.Yes sweete Maister Tiltyard, sirra Rosamond I hold my life Gallipot hath vext his wife.
Mist. Open.Shee has a horrible high colour indeed.
Gosh.Wee shall haue your face painted with the same red soone at night, when your husband comes from his rubbers in a false alley; thou wilt not beleeue me that his bowles run with a wrong byas.
Mist. Open.It cannot sinke into mee, that hee feedes vpon stale mutten abroad, hauing better and fresher at home.
Gosh.What if I bring thee, where thou shalt see him stand at racke and manger?
Mist. Open.Ile saddle him in's kind, and spurre him till hee kicke againe.
Gosh.Shall thou and I ride our iourney then.
Mist. Open.Heere's my hand.
Gosh.No more; come Maister Tiltyard, shall we leape into the stirrops with our women, and amble home?
Maist. Tilt.Yes, yes, come wife.
Mist. Tilt.In troth sister, I hope you will do well for all this.
Mist. Gal.I hope I shall: farewell good sister: sweet Maister Goshawke.
Maist. Gal.Welcome brother, most kindlie welcome sir.
OmnesThankes sir for our good cheere.
Exeunt all but Gallipot and his wife.
Exeunt all but Gallipot and his wife.
Maist. Gal.It shall be so, because a crafty knaue
Shall not out reach me, nor walke by my dore
With my wife arme in arme, as 'twere his whoore,
I'le giue him a golden coxcombe, thirty pound:
Tush Pru what's thirty pound? sweete ducke looke cheerely.
Shall not out reach me, nor walke by my dore
With my wife arme in arme, as 'twere his whoore,
I'le giue him a golden coxcombe, thirty pound:
Tush Pru what's thirty pound? sweete ducke looke cheerely.
Mist. Gal.Thou art worthy of my heart thou bui'st it deerely.
Enter Laxton muffled.
Lax.Vds light the tide's against me, a pox of your Potticarishp: oh for some glister to set him going; 'tis one of Hercules labours, to tread one of these Cittie hennes, because their cockes are stil crowing ouer them; there's no turning tale here, I must on.
Mist. Gal.Oh, husband see he comes.
Maist. Gal.Let me deale with him.
Lax.Blesse you sir.
Maist. Gal.Be you blest too sir if you come in peace.
Lax.Haue you any good pudding Tobacco sir?
Mist. Gal.Oh picke no quarrels gentle sir, my husband
Is not a man of weapon, as you are,
He knowes all, I haue opned all before him, concerning you.
Is not a man of weapon, as you are,
He knowes all, I haue opned all before him, concerning you.
Lax.Zounes has she showne my letters.
Mist Gal.Suppose my case were yours, what would you do.
At such a pinch, such batteries, such assaultes,
Oh father, mother, kinred, to dissolue
The knot you tyed, and to be bound to him?
How could you shift this storme off?
At such a pinch, such batteries, such assaultes,
Oh father, mother, kinred, to dissolue
The knot you tyed, and to be bound to him?
How could you shift this storme off?
Lax.If I kuow hang me.
Mist. Gal.Besides a story of your death was read
Each minute to me.
Each minute to me.
Lax.What a pox meanes this ridling?
Maist. Gal.Be wise sir, let not you and I be tost
On Lawiers pens; they haue sharpe nibs and draw
Mens very heart bloud from them; what need you sir
To beate the drumme of my wifes infamy,
And call your friends together sir to prooue
Your precontact, when sh'has confest it?
On Lawiers pens; they haue sharpe nibs and draw
Mens very heart bloud from them; what need you sir
To beate the drumme of my wifes infamy,
And call your friends together sir to prooue
Your precontact, when sh'has confest it?
Lax.Vmh sir,—has she confest it?
Maist. Gal.Sh'has 'faith to me sir, vpon your letter sending.
M.ist. Gal.I haue, I haue.
Lax.If I let this yron coole call me slaue,
Do you heare, you dame Prudence? think'st thou vile woman
I'le take these blowes and winke?
Do you heare, you dame Prudence? think'st thou vile woman
I'le take these blowes and winke?
Mist. Gal.Vpon my knees.
Lax.Out impudence.
Maist. Gal.Good sir.
Lax.You goatish slaues,
No wilde foule to cut vp but mine?
No wilde foule to cut vp but mine?
Maist. Gal.Alas sir,
You make her flesh to tremble, frighr her not,
Shee shall do reason, and what's fit.
You make her flesh to tremble, frighr her not,
Shee shall do reason, and what's fit.
Lax.I'le haue thee, wert thou more common
Then an hospitall, and more diseased.—
Then an hospitall, and more diseased.—
Maist. Gal.But one word good sir.
Lax.So sir.
Maist. Gal.I married her, haue line with her, and got
Two children on her body, thinke but on that;
Haue you so beggarly an appetite
When I vpon a dainty dish haue fed
To dine vpon my scraps, my leauings? ha sir?
Do I come neere you uow sir?
Two children on her body, thinke but on that;
Haue you so beggarly an appetite
When I vpon a dainty dish haue fed
To dine vpon my scraps, my leauings? ha sir?
Do I come neere you uow sir?
Lax.Be Lady you touch me.
Maist. Gal.Would not you scorne to weare my cloathes sir?
Lax.Right sir.
Maist. Gal.Then pray sir weare not her, for shee's a garment
So fitting for my body, I'me loath
Another should put it on, you will vndoe both.
Your letter (as shee said) complained you had spent
In quest of her, some thirty pound, I'le pay it;
Shall that sir stop this gap vp twixt you two?
So fitting for my body, I'me loath
Another should put it on, you will vndoe both.
Your letter (as shee said) complained you had spent
In quest of her, some thirty pound, I'le pay it;
Shall that sir stop this gap vp twixt you two?
Lax.Well if I swallow this wrong, let her thanke you:
The mony being paid sir, I am gon:
Farewell, oh women happy's hee trusts none.
The mony being paid sir, I am gon:
Farewell, oh women happy's hee trusts none.
Mist. Gall.Dispatch him hence sweete husband.
Maist. Gal.Yes deere wife: pray sir come in, ere Maister Laxton part
Thou shalt in wine drinke to him,
Exit Maister Gallipot and his wife.
Thou shalt in wine drinke to him,
Exit Maister Gallipot and his wife.
Mist. Gal.With all my heart;—how dost thou like my wit?
Lax.Rarely, that wile
By which the Serpent did the first woman beguile,
Did euer since, all womens bosomes fill;
Exit Laxton.Y'are apple eaters all, deceiuers still.
By which the Serpent did the first woman beguile,
Did euer since, all womens bosomes fill;
Exit Laxton.Y'are apple eaters all, deceiuers still.