The Relations of the Sexes (Duffey)/Chapter 10

IT seems strange that nature should have visited such severe penalties upon the gratification of the sexual instincts of man in any form out of monogamic marriage, and at the same time have rendered their occasional gratification so imperatively necessary to his health and well-being, as some physiologists and physicians would have us believe. They place the desire for sexual pleasures in the same category with the appetite for food, the craving for drink, and the necessity for sleep; and say that as nature knows what she is about in the one case, so she must in the other; and when the desire arises, the gratification must follow. The shocking consequences resultant upon "sexual starvation," described by these social economists, harrow up one's feelings to a terrible degree, and are enough to start tears from the eyes of a statue—if they were to be depended upon.

Let us examine this asserted co-equal necessity for "food and love." And see how much dependence may be placed upon the assertion. We find a fallacy at the very basis of the argument; so the whole structure must ​fall. The desire for sexual congress cannot in any manner be likened to the craving for food, save insofar as both are for the preservation of the human race. But their modes of doing so are entirely different. The latter is a natural, daily need, to supply natural daily waste. The former, to put it in the most favorable light for this philosophy, is a natural desire to get rid of an abundant secretion. This is not even a daily need, and those who unite in considering it an imperative one, still differ as to its desirable frequency. While the instinct for food, to fulfil the purposes for which it was created, must have daily if not thrice daily, gratification, the purpose for which the sexual instinct was created, is fulfilled, if the instinct be allowed active expression no more than half a dozen times in a man's life. But the distinction is greater than this, if we would be perfectly accurate. The taking of food is a building up and sustaining the body; the excretion of semen is a parting with actual strength, vigor and life, and a wasting and weakening thing, to just the degree in which it is indulged.

These sexual instincts in the male are felt as soon as he reaches puberty—perhaps more strongly at that time than at any other. Yet very few will hold to the desirability of permitting the adolescent youth to waste his strength and vitality at this early age, when the consequences will be nervous and physical exhaustion, and possible loss of virile powers. Too early an exercise of the sexual organs in a youth will stunt his development ​and perhaps kill him outright. For this same reason masturbation is most strongly condemned by physicians and moralists alike. Yet the effects of this habit are scarcely more disastrous in the youth, than the natural use of the sexual organs at the same period. The greater danger of masturbation lies in the constant opportunity and the constant temptation, which lead to more frequent excesses.

That it is possible for youths to carry themselves safely and virtuously through this period of almost resistless impulse and temptation, we know, because many do it; and I think if the matter could be properly investigated, it would be found that such youths make the most perfectly developed men, and excel not only in physical, but in mental and moral forces.

The semen is an important constitutent of manhood. It contains the very essence of life. It is necessary, for the proper development of a man, that this should be secreted, and then reabsorbed into his system, adding vigor and tone to his whole being. When this semen is secreted, nature notifies a man of the fact by giving him strong sexual desires; but if every desire is to be listened to and gratified, then no semen will be retained for absorption, and the most important agent for the nourishment of the brain, and strengthening and hardening the body is wasted. Men who are thus given to profitless use of this important secretion, in either lawful or unlawful indulgence, become weak, vascillating, and ​unenergetic in their natures, less firm in bone and muscle, have voices more approaching the feminine tone, and have lighter beards. They are, in fact, imperfect men, for they have been spendthrift of their manhood. It seems to me that nature intended that the semen should be retained through all the period of youth, until the utmost perfection of body is acquired, before a man is justified in robbing himself of this necessary element for a transitory pleasure. Even after that period I cannot help thinking, if it were possible still to be economical of the use of this secretion, men would retain vigor later in life, and beget more healthy offspring.

But I am told that the "physical necessities" of man compel him to get rid of this accumulation with a certain frequency. Let us see if this is really so. First, it is demonstrated with tolerable accuracy that the youth who has conscientiously avoided masturbation, or any excitation of the sexual organs, is rarely if ever troubled with nocturnal emissions—"seminal weakness" as it is called. There may be some exceptional cases, when the pressure is so great, and when there is some weakness of the glandular system, the result it may be, of sexual excesses in a progenitor—in which involuntary incontinence is occasional, even when there has been no provoking cause. But even in these cases I believe it will be safe to think we may trust to nature, and she will get rid in this manner of the surplus semen, without injury to the individual, or without need of assisting her, otherwise than ​by careful habits and attention to the general health. In all cases of "seminal weakness" arising from whatever cause, let its victims beware of quack doctors, who frighten them first, in order that they may despoil them afterwards. And they do despoil them; not only in purse, but in health also, and seriously aggravate what was at first perhaps but a trifling disorder, easily remedied by a careful regimen.

Dr. Trall says: "One may so live as to keep all of his 'lower propensities'—I mean self-relative—in a state of preternatural excitement, and, mistaking the insatiate cravings of morbid instinct for a 'natural necessity,' soon exhaust the powers of life by inordinate indulgence. Such has been the history of thousands who have. applied to me for professional advice. Had they been properly instructed in early life, their history would have been very different." The more these desires are stimulated, the stronger they become, until any refusal of gratification will seem to result in serious disorders of the procreative organs. Yet such disorders betoken a no more diseased state of these organs, than did the constant excitation and demand for relief. A habit has been acquired of unnatural activity of the testicular glands, so that the spermatic vessels become congested with the seminal secretion, and the removal of this secretion produces a sense of relief. But no sooner are the congested vessels emptied, than they begin at once to fill, and again reach the state of congestion. They must be restored ​to their normal action, and that cannot be done by continuing or further increasing their excessive activity. Whether this activity is encouraged by masturbation or by sexual commerce, the evils are nearly the same. That physician who recommends marriage as a cure for the disorders incident to masturbation, is only offering his patient a cloak under which to hide his transgressions. The only hope is that the latter may practice in marriage a greater continence than he has done out of it. Excessive gratification, either in a natural or an unnatural way, tends to derangement and premature impotency.

A man is punished for sexual excesses in a far greater degree than is a woman. This fact, alone, ought to settle the question of polygamy; for, if either sex may take a plurality of partners, it is plainly indicated by the laws of nature that it is the woman rather than the man who may do so.

Much of the seemingly uncontrollable demands of a sexual nature upon men, both unmarried and married, are due to false modes of living, and habits of uncleanliness about the organs of generation. Frequent and thorough bathing of all the parts in cold water, not only to remove, but to prevent the accumulation of irritating substances about the glands, will often not only cure these difficulties, but actually prevent them. Thus the young man will find that what he has been taught to regard as nature's demand for sexual com​merce, is only her protest against filthy accumulations and dirt.

Then, again, a man's habits in eating and drinking have much to do with this matter. The use of highly spiced, heating and stimulating foods and drinks, may be enumerated among the directest causes in exciting the sexual impulses. A plainer diet will often be found to remove troubles of this sort; or, if this fail, it may be well to remember that the institution of fast days, and days of abstinence by the Roman Catholic Church, is notwithout its moral intent, and induces to a mortification of the flesh, which in some instances might prove highly beneficial.

Perhaps one of the greatest dangers which beset young men, is that of the lascivious thoughts, which seem to come unbidden, and which, if encouraged, are all too apt to tempt to immoral acts. Dio Lewis, in his excellent work entitled "Chastity," says on this point: "Where one person is injured by sexual commerce, many are made feverish and nervous by harboring lewd thoughts. Rioting in visions of nude women may exhaust one as much as an excess in actual intercourse. This species of indulgence is well-nigh universal; and as it is the source of all the other forms—the fountain from which the external vices spring, the nursery of masturbation and excessive coitus—I am surprised to find how little has been said about it. I have looked over many volumes upon sexual abuses, but do not recall a single earnest discussion of this point. Believing that this in​continence of the imagination works more mischief than all other forms of the evil—that, indeed, it gives rise to all the rest—I am astounded that it has received so little attention." The following is the advice which he gave to a patient who was troubled with these impure thoughts: "Now," said he, "you must try the following plan, and report to me. Fix it in your mind that a sensual idea is dangerous and harmful; then the instant one comes it will startle you. By an effort you change the subject immediately. You can, if you are in earnest, set such an alarm in your mind, that if the lascivious thought occurs to you when asleep, it will awaken you. A number of persons have testified to this. If when you are awake the enemy enters your mind, you will be aroused, and expel it at once without a very serious effort. If there is a moment's doubt, spring up and engage in some active exercise of the body. Each effort will be easier until after a week or two you will have, in this particular, complete control of your thoughts; and that will soon make you feel a good deal more like a man.

"The fever and excitement of voluptuous revery wears out the nervous system, emasculates manhood, and shuts out all the noblest visions in this and the upper world.

"Besides this, there must be an observance of health-laws. It is idle, over-fed people who suffer most from all animal excitements. Work hard, or by brisk walking and gymnastics give yourself two or three good sweats every day, and eat plain, nourishing, unstimulating ​food. Go without supper. Retire early and rise early. Drink freely of cold water both on rising and going to bed, and sleep in pure air." The advice here given was followed, and the patient reported himself cured in two months' time.

But Dio Lewis has another plan for eradicating evil thoughts. It is so excellent that I think he will excuse me if I copy that also from his book. He says: "While striving to help young men into the habit of clean thinking, I have tried many expedients. With intelligent persons, what I call the 'card plan' has often proved successful. That is, to write on a card a number of words, each suggesting a subject of interest or a familiar train of thought. When an impure notion obtrudes itself, the idea of danger which has been associated with it will arrest the attention; the card is taken out, and a glance at it will help to shift the switch at once." A patient who had sought the Doctor for advice in this matter under consideration, gives him the following assurance of the efficacy of the "card" prescription:

"Whenever an impure thought entered my mind, I remembered my card at once, and taking it out, never failed to change the subject. It was not a complete victory at once, but now I have no need of the card at all. I cannot tell you how clean and manly I feel. I would not go back again for a mine of gold. This 'card trick,' as I call it, is worth infinitely more than any of those with which they win money. I believe that this expe​dient might help the worst victim of sexual filth into purity and manliness, if he would only try it with a good, strong will."

I do not believe that nature in her requirements ever contradicts herself. If she calls upon man to preserve a perfect chastity until the time when he has reached his completed manhood, and rewards him for so doing in the most signal manner, she has not made his instincts so strong that they cannot be denied. Any one whose teachings are to the contrary of this, belies nature and blasphemes God. No doubt there are some men who have so abused and misused their powers, that sin of this sort has become a kind of second nature with them, just as the drunkard cannot forego his dram. But neither the one nor the other are the representatives of true manhood, nor to be held up to serve as models to the race. It is their sin and their shame, that they have so abased themselves, and allowed appetite to obtain the mastery over them.

The house of prostitution is not the natural resort of the virtuous young man. It is only the resort of the willing victim of perverted nature, and of teachers of false doctrines. Professor Francis W. Newman of London, says on this point: "Different in basis, but equally formidable to morals, is the notion that it is useless to struggle for the entire purity of young men; and that their temporary unchastity (of course at the expense of women,) is to be counted on. On all sides, a despair of ​moral influences is deplorably prevalent. It must be disowned, and a strict moral practice demanded: else, more and more, we shall see fatal acquiescence in a most destructive vice. The European continent gives us most awful warning. On the whole, I find it impossible to resist the conviction that in all ranks of the medical faculty there is at least a practice (highly dangerous if only a practice) which actively preaches deadly immorality. It is high time that the rest of the faculty who abhor such doctrine should speak aloud; should not only clear their own consciences, but aid in purifying our defiled moral atmosphere, by proclaiming as solemnly as the old physicians the intimate relations of chastity and continence with health and strength; as, of all unchaste practices with disease, weakness and misery."

The late Professor James Miller, F.R.C.S.E., Professor of Surgery in the University of Edinburgh, says on the same point: "In medical ethics let it be clearly understood, that the practitioner who prescribes fornication to any patient, under any circumstances whatever, commits a heinous offence, not only against morals, but also against both the science and the character of his profession. His advice is not more flagrantly immoral than it is disgracefully unscientific and unsound."

There is one view of prostitution, including a method of dealing with it, which I purposely avoided referring to in the foregoing chapters, and which most writers on the subject seem either partially or wholly to overlook. This ​is, that there would be no supply of prostitutes if there were no demand. The class is furnished at the express order of men, and when men desire that it shall be suppressed,—then it will be suppressed. Therefore, all legislation which directs its efforts against prostitute women alone, always has been and always will be futile. Yet this is the only kind of legislation which has ever been tried. Men have gone on cutting off the top of this upas tree, while they have watered the roots and nourished the vitality in them; and as it constantly renewed its life, and made a mock of their pretended efforts to exterminate it, they have turned away in a well simulated despair, and said that it could not be killed, and it might as well be left to grow, and be pruned and "regulated," into shape. If it is to be really eradicated, it is necessary to stop the demand, that is all. When that is done, its roots are killed, and the branches will die of themselves. Let the strong arm of the law be directed against the prostitute-makers and the prostitute-supporters, and we shall hear less of the "physical necessities" of men, and the total moral depravity of fallen women.

The Rev. Dr. Wardlaw touches on this question of the social evil when he says: "What special title have the wives and daughters of those who employ this plea to the protection of their virtue, more than other wives and daughters? Why are theirs to be protected at the expense of others, and not the others at the expense of theirs? Who, in the community, are to be the victims— ​the vice-doomed safeguards of the virtue of the rest—the wretched safety-valves of unprincipled and unbridled passions? Are we to have a decimation, by lot, of the virginity of the country?—Or is some inferior class to be sacrificed to the demon of lust for the benefit of those above them? Is vice essential to the preservation of virtue? That were indeed a hard necessity. Where is the individual, male or female, and in what rank soever of society, whom I am not to dissuade from vice?—whom it would be wrong so to dissuade?—the successful dissuasion of whom would be an injury to the public?—By prevailing with whom to give up the evil course, I should incur the responsibility of one who shuts a high-pressure safety-valve?—Where the individual whose body and soul I am bound to leave to death and perdition, lest perchance some others should come to be exposed to temptation?"

Can we not, shall we not, apply every effective means in our power to prevent this decimation, this disintegration of society? It is not necessary. We know it cannot be necessary. Besides, good men tell us so,—men who have studied the matter earnestly, and know exactly whereof they are speaking, and all that their assertions imply. But, besides the legal means that ought to be used,—but which probably will not be, so long as men have the sole making and executing of the laws—there are moral agencies which women as well as men may employ. Every young woman has it in her power ​to elevate the moral standard of the young men with whom she associates. Every woman of mature years should not fail to have opinions on these matters fixed as her hope of heaven, nor hesitate to speak these when occasion offers. Women can write, too, as well as speak, and the subject calls for their especial attention.

No one will dispute or deny the desirability of chastity in woman—at least the few who do so are not worth mentioning—and the chastity, or, rather, virtue of men is inseparably connected with it. We must not expect chastity in the one without virtue in the other. What a beautiful significance the word virtue has! Manliness! A man cannot be virtuous, that is, a true man, except by preserving his chastity, which conduces to the development of man-like traits.

The German philosopher and physician, Hufeland, in his work on the "Art of Prolonging Life"—a work which comes nearly up in every important particular, to the most advanced teachings of modern science, although several generations have passed since it was written—has a most excellent chapter on Abstinence from physical love in youth, and a too early assumption of the married state." I give the following extract from this chapter, and hope my readers will obtain the work, and read it entire:

There was a time when the German youth never thought of intimacy with the other sex till their twenty-fourth or twenty-fifth year; and yet nothing was then ​known of the pernicious consequences of this chastity, nor of many other imaginary evils of which people now dream; but these youths, increasing in strength as well as growth, became men, who by their size, excited the astonishment even of the Romans.

"People now leave off at the period when these began. They imagine they can never soon enough throw off their chastity; and young persons, long before their bodies are completely finished, begin to waste those powers which are destined for a higher use. The consequences are evident. These men become incomplete, half-formed beings; and at the period when our ancestors began to employ these powers, they, in them, are generally exhausted; they feel nothing but dejection and misery in their weakness; and a stimulus of the utmost importance for seasoning life is to them forever lost."

Chastity consists not only of purity of body, but purity of mind and thought as well. Neither men nor women are perfectly chaste, no matter how circumspect they may be in act, who allow their thoughts to run riot with impure ideas and sensuous images. Passional and sensational literature is the greatest incentive to these. The press of this country and of Europe is teeming with books which are not included in the class against which we have special enactments, as corrupting the public morals; but which really do more to corrupt those morals than confessedly obscene publications ever did or ever will do. The decent, pure-minded person is ever on his guard ​against "bad" books. He either shuns them entirely, or else their undisguised obscenity produces a reaction, and disgusts him. But a novel which bears the name of a "respectable" author, which is sold openly in every book-store, which is praised, or at least not condemned, by periodicals and weeklies of professedly high standing, and which is seen in the possession of decent people, excites no suspicion of its injurious character. The man is taken unawares. All unconsciously he sucks in its attractive poison, and does not himself perceive at the time the harm it is really doing him. Even if in spite of its satisfactory credentials, he has a suspicion of its somewhat objectionable character, he is inclined to say to himself, "though I would not recommend this book for indiscriminate reading, still I can read it without harm." He feels so secure in his own integrity! If he would only consider the matter, he would perceive that his very inclination and desire to read it, are evidence that there is a sufficient ground-work of sensuality or evil in his nature, for the pernicious ideas the book contains, or the sensuous feelings it fosters to take root and grow, and possibly produce unwholesome fruit. There are no men, and few women, who can read bad books without having their moral natures more or less contaminated in consequence. Yet the circulation of these books is everywhere unchecked and unchided. Just now publishers are deluging the American public with translations of French and German romances, which are more or less ​objectionable, the former being especially so. These books are printed, and they will be read by men and women, young and old, and the inevitable consequence is that the standard of morals in our country will be lowered to that of continental Europe, unless efforts be made to stay the flood, or avert its consequences. What this effort should be, it is difficult to say. Every conscientious person should feel bound to do what he or she can in the matter; and if we only had publishers with consciences (vain hope!) the labor would be easier.

The question of celibacy has occupied many minds. Some unhesitatingly pronounce it a false, unnatural and unhealthy state for either man or woman. That both man and woman are happier in marriage when that marriage is a fortunate one, there can be no doubt. Still the accumulated evidence of the world goes to show that celibacy is a most favorable state for severe mental labor. Not only is the mind free from family cares,—which no married person, either man or woman, can throw off without culpability—but by its means the forces of the body are conserved, and are concentrated, and that goes to brain-power which would otherwise be exhausted in sexual union. Of the absolute healthfulness and even positive benefit of celibacy, I think one need have no doubt, if he would consider the best specimens among the celibate clergy of the Roman Catholic church—those who are not only celibate, but who do not waste their manly powers in other excesses just as injurious to their physical ​natures and mental capacities,—excesses which too many of them—in sorrow be it spoken—see no harm in, because they are not included, and provided against, in the vows which they assume in entering the priesthood. The clear eye, the fresh complexion, the abounding health, all satisfactorily testify that celibacy is not physically injurious; while the exceptional mental strength and energy of character, prove as conclusively that, to say the least, it has not been otherwise harmful.

Given over to the dominion of passion, as man now is, it seems as if nature said to him, "Take your choice, whether you shall make the most of your individual life, by conserving all its forces to the one end; or whether you shall be content to sink into mediocrity of capacity and achievement, in order that you may repeat and perpetuate that life in your descendants." I say nature seems to say so. Yet I really think it is possible to unite personal exaltation, with the hope of posterity, by practicing in marriage, on all but exceptional occasions, the lofty self-denial of the celibate. That this will be in any degree injurious to the individual, I have no fear whatever. I am inclined to think, on the contrary, that it will conduce to his unqualified physical, mental and moral wellbeing.