The Heiress (Burgoyne, 1786)/Act 3, Scene 2

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Miss Alton. (alone.)What perplexing scenes I already meet with in this house? I ought, how­ever, to be contented in the security it affords ​against the attempts of Heartly. I am con­tented—But, oh Clifford! It was hard to be left alone to the choice of distresses.

Chignon.My Lady Emily Gayville———Ma­dame no here! Madamoiselle, announce if you please my lady.

Lady Emily (aside.)Did my ears deceive me? surely, I heard the name of Clifford—and it escaped in an accent—Pray Sir, who is that? (to Chignon.)

Chignon.Madamoiselle Alton, confidante of my lady, and next, after me, in her suite. (Examines her head dress impertinently, Miss Alton with great modesty rises and puts her work together.)

Lady Emily.There seems to be considerable difference in the decorum of her attendants. You need not stay, Sir.

Chignon (as he goes out.)Ma foi, sa tête est pas­sable———her head may pass.

Lady Emily (aside.)How my heart beats with curiosity! (Miss Alton having dispos'd her things in her work-bag is retiring with a curtsy.) Miss Al­ton, I am in no haste. On the contrary, I think the occasion fortunate that allows me to begin an acquaintance with a person of so amiable an ap­pearance. I don't know whether that pert fo­reigner has led me into an error—but without being too inquisitive, may I ask if you make any part of this family?

Miss Alton.Madam, I am under Miss Alscrip's protection. I imagine I am represented as her de­pendant: I am not ashamed of humble circum­​stances, that are not the consequences of indiscre­tion.

Lady Emily.That with such claims to respect, you should be in any circumstances of humiliation, is a disgrace to the age we live in.

Miss Alton.Madam, my humiliation (if such it be) is just. Perhaps I have been too proud, and my heart required this self-correction. A life of retired industry might have been more pleasing to me; but an orphan—a stranger—ignorant and diffident, I preferr'd my present situation as one less exposed to misrepresentation. (Bell rings) I can no longer detain Miss Alscrip from the ho­nour of receiving your Ladyship. (A respectful curtsy, and Exit.)

Lady Emily.There is something strangely mys­terious and affecting in all this—what delicacy of sentiment—what softness of manners! and how well do these qualities accord with that sigh for Clifford! she had been proud—proud of what?—of Clifford's love. It is too plain. But then to account for her present condition?—He has betrayed and abandoned her—too plain again I fear.—She talk­ed too of a self corrected heart—take example, Emily, and recal thine from an object, which it ought more than ever to renounce. But here come the Alscrip and her friend: lud! lud! lud! how shall I recover my spirits! I must attempt it, and if I lose my present thoughts in a trial of extra­vagance, be it of their's or my own, it will be a happy expedient.

Lady Emily.I ask your pardon, Madam, for be­ing so aukward, but I confess I did not expect so elevated a salute.

​Miss Alscrip.Dear Lady Emily, I had no no­tion of its not being universal. In France, the touch of the lips just between the eyebrows has been adopted for years.

Lady Emily.I perfectly acknowledge the pro­priety of the custom. It is almost the only spot of the face where the touch wou'd not risk a con­fusion of complexions.

Miss Alscrip.He! he! he! what a pretty thought!

Mrs. Blandish.How I have long'd for this day!—Come let me put an end to ceremony, and join the hands of the sweetest pair that ever nature and fortune marked for connection. (Joins their hands)

Miss Alscrip.Thank you, my good Blandish, tho' I was determined to break the ice, Lady Emi­ly, in the first place I met you. But you were not at Lady Doricourt's last night.

Lady Emily (affectedly)No, I went home di­rectly from the Opera: projected the revival of a cap; read a page in the trials of Temper; went to bed and dream'd I was Belinda in the Rape of the Lock.

Mrs. Blandish.Elegant creature.

Miss Alscrip. (aside)I must have that air, if I die for it. (Imitating) I too came home early; supped with my old gentleman; made him explain my marriage articles, dower, and heirs entail; read a page in a trial of Divorce, and dream'd of a rose colour equipage with emblems of Cupids issuing out of Coronets.

Mrs. BlandishOh, you sweet twins of perfec­tion! what equality in every thing! I have thought of a name for you—The inseparable in­imitables.

Miss Alscrip.I declare I shall like it exceed​­ingly—one sees so few uncopied originals—the thing I cannot bear———

Lady Emily.Is vulgar imitation—I must catch the words from your mouth to shew you how we agree.

Miss Alscrip.Exactly. Not that one wishes to be without affectation.

Lady Emily.Oh! mercy forbid!

Miss Alscrip.But to catch a manner, and weave it, as I may say, into one's own originality.

Mrs. Blandish.Pretty! pretty!

Lady Emily.That's the art—Lord, if one liv'd entirely upon one's own whims, who would not be run out in a twelve-month?

Miss Alscrip.Dear Lady Emily, don't you doat upon folly?

Lady Emily.To extacy. I only despair of seeing it well kept up.

Miss Alscrip.I flatter myself there is no great danger of that.

Lady Emily.You are mistaken. We have, it's true, some examples of the extravaganza in high life that no other country can match; but withal, many a false sister, that starts as one wou'd think, in the very hey day of the fantastic, yet comes to a stand-still in the midst of the course.

Mrs. Blandish.Poor spiritless creatures!

Lady Emily.Do you know there is more than one duchess who has been seen in the same car­riage with her husband—like two doves in a basket in the print of Conjugal Felicity; and another has been detected! I almost blush to name it.

Mrs. Blandish.Bless us, where? and how? and how?

Lady Emily.In nursing her own child.

Miss Alscrip.Oh! barbarism!—For heaven's ​sake let us change the subject. You were men­tioning a reviv'd cap, Lady Emily; any thing of the Henry quatre?

Lady Emily.Quite different. An English mob under the chin, and artless ringlets in natural co­lour, that shall restore an admiration for Prior's Nut Brown Maid.

Miss Alscrip.Horrid! shocking!

Lady Emily.Absolutely necessary. To be different from the rest of the world, we must now revert to nature: Make haste, or you have so much to undo, you will be left behind.

Miss Alscrip.I dare say so. But who can vul­garize all at once? What will the French say?

Lady Emily.We are to have an interchange of fashions and follies upon a basis of unequi­vocal reciprocity.

Miss Alscrip.Fashions and follies———oh, what a promising manufacture!

Lady Emily.Yes, and one, thank heaven, that we may defy the edict of any potentate to pro­hibit.

Miss Alscrip. (with an affected drop of her lip in her laugh)He! he! he! he! he! he!

Lady Emily.My dear Miss Alscrip, what are you doing? I must correct you as I love you. Sure you must have observed the drop of the under sip is exploded since Lady Simpermode broke a tooth—(Sets her mouth affectedly)—I am preparing the cast of the lips for the ensuing winter—thus—It is to be call'd the Paphian mimp.

Miss Alscrip. (imitating)I swear I think it pretty—I must try to get it

Lady Emily.Nothing so easy. It is done by one cabalistical word like a metamorphosis in the fairy tales. You have only, when before your glass, ​to keep pronouncing to yourself nimini-primini—the lips cannot fail of taking their plie.

Miss Alscrip.Nimini-pimini—imini, mimini—oh, it's delightfully enfantine—and so innocent, to be kissing one's own lips.

Lady Emily.You have it to a charm—does it not become her infinitely, Mrs. Blandish?

Mrs. Blandish.Our friend's feature must suc­ceed in every grace; but never so much as in a quick change of extremes.

Madam, Lord Gayville desires to know if you are at home?

Miss Alscrip.A strange formality!

Lady Emily. (aside)No brother ever came more opportunely to a sister's relief, "I have fool'd it to the top of my bent."

Miss Alscrip.Desire Miss Alton to come to me (Exit Servant) Lady Emily you must not blame me; I am supporting the cause of our sex, and must punish a lover for some late inattentions—I shall not see him.

Lady Emily.Oh cruel! (Sees Miss Alton, who enters.) Miss Alscrip you have certainly the most elegant companion in the world.

Miss Alscrip.Dear, do you think so? an ungain, dull sort of a body, in my mind; but we'll try her in the present business. Miss Alton, you must do me a favour. I want to plague my husband that is to be—you must take my part—you must double me like a second actress at Paris, when the first has the vapours.

Miss Alton.Madam!

Miss Alscrip.Oh never look alarmed—It is only to convey my refusal of his visit, and to set ​alarms afloat a little—particularly with jealousy, that's the master torment.

Miss Alton.Really Madam, the task you wou'd impose upon me—

Miss Alscrip.Will be a great improvement to you, and quite right for me. Tease—tease, and tame, is a rule without exception from the keep­er of the lions to the teacher of a piping bulfinch.

Mrs. Blandish.But you hard hearted thing, will you name any object for his jealousy?

Miss Alscrip.No, keep him there in the dark—Always keep your creature in the dark—That's another secret of taming—Don't be grave, Lady Emily.—(whose attention is fixed on Miss Alton) Your brother's purgatory shall be short, and I'll take the reconciliation scene upon myself.

Lady Emily. (endeavouring to recover herself.)I cannot but pity him; especially as I am sure, that do what you will, he will always regard you with the same eyes. And so, my sweet sister, I leave him to your mercy, and to that of your represen­tative, whose disposition, if I have any judgment, is ill suited to a task of severity.

Mrs. Blandish.Dear Lady Emily carry me away with you. When a lover is coming, it shall never be said I am in the way.

Lady Emily.I am at your orders (looking at Miss Alton. (aside) What a suspense am I to suffer? a moment more and I shall betray myself—adieu, Miss Alscrip.

Miss Alscrip.Call Lady Emily's servants.

Lady Emily.You sha'n't stir—remember ni­mini—primini. [Exit. Mrs. Blandish. (Coming back and squeezing Miss Alscrip's hand, in a half whisper.)She'd give her eyes to be like you. [Exit.

Miss Alscrip.Now for it, Miss Alton—Only re­member that you are doubling me the woman he adores.

​Miss Alton.Indeed, Madam, I am quite inca­pable of executing you orders to your satisfaction. The utmost I can undertake is a short message.

Miss Alscrip.Never fear. (Knock at the door.) There he comes—Step aside and I'll give you your very words. [Exeunt.

Lord Gayville.So, now to get thorough this piece of drudgery. There's a meanness in my proceeding, and my compunction is just. Oh, the dear lost possessor of my heart! lost, irreco­verably lost!

Miss Alton.A pretty employment I am sent upon.

Lord Gayville. (to himself.)Could she but know the sacrifice I am ready to make?

Miss Alton. (to herself.)The very picture of a lover, if absence of mind marks one. It is unplea­sant for me to interrupt a man I never saw, but I shall deliver my message very concisely.— My Lord.———

Lord Gayville. (turning.)Madam. (both start and stand in surprize) Astonishment! Miss Alton! my charming fugitive!

Miss Alton.How! Mr. Heartly—Lord Gayville!

Lord Gayville.My joy and my surprize are alike unutterable. But I conjure you, Madam, tell me by what strange circumstance do I meet you here?

Miss Alton. (aside)Now assist me, honest pride!—assist me resentment.

Lord Gayville.You spoke to me—Did you know me?

​Miss Alton.No otherwise, my Lord, than as Miss Alscrip's lover. I had a message from her to your lordship.

Lord Gayville.For heaven's sake, Madam, in what capacity?

Miss Alton.In one, my Lord, not very much above the class of a servant.

Lord Gayville.Impossible, sure!—It is to place the brilliant below the foil—to make the inimita­ble work of nature secondary to art and defect.

Miss Alton.It is to take refuge in a situation that offers me security against suspicious obliga­tion; against vile design; against the attempts of a seducer—It is to exercise the patience, that the will, and perhaps the favor of heaven, meant to try.

Lord Gayville.Cruel, cruel to yourself and me—Could I have had a happiness like that of assisting you against the injustice of fortune—and when to be thus degraded was the alternative.—

Miss Alton.My Lord, it is fit I should be ex­plicit. Reflect upon the language you have held to me; view the character in which you present yourself to this family; and then pronounce in whose breast we must look for a sense of degra­dation.

Lord Gayville.In mine, and mine alone. I confess it—Hear nevertheless my defence—My actions are all the result of love. And culpable as I may seem, my conscience does not reproach me with———

Miss Alton.Oh, my Lord, I readily believe you—You are above its reproaches—Qualities that are infamous and fatal, in one class of life, create applause and conscientious satisfaction in another.

​Lord Gayville.Infamous and fatal qualiites! What means my lovely accuser?

Miss Alton.That to steal or stab is death in common life: but when one of your lordship's degree sets his hard heart upon the destruction of a woman, how glorious is his success! How con­summate his triumph! When he can follow the theft of her affections by the murder of her honour.

Miss Alscrip.I wonder how it goes on.

Lord Gayville.Exalted! Adorable woman!

Miss Alscrip.Adorable! Aye, I thought how 'twou'd be!

Lord Gayville.Hear me! I conjure you—

Miss Alscrip.Not a word, if she knows her business.

Miss Alton.My Lord! I have heard too much.

Miss Alscrip.Brava! I cou'd not have play'd it better myself.

Lord Gayville.Oh! Sill more charming than severe. [Kneels.

Miss Alscrip.Humph! I hope he means me though.

Lord Gayville.The character in which you see me here, makes me appear more odious to myself, if possible, than I am to you.

Miss Alscrip. (behind)By all that's treacherous I doubt it.

Miss Alton.Desist my Lord—Miss Alscrip has a claim.———

Miss Alscrip.Aye, now for it.

Lord Gayville.By heav'n she is my aversion. It is my family on whom I am dependant that has betray'd me into these cursed addresses—Accept ​my contrition—pity a wretch struggling with the complicated torments of passion, shame, penitence and despair.

Miss Alscrip. (comes forward) (all stand confused)I never saw a part better doubled in my life!

Lord Gayville.Confusion! What a light do I appear in to them both. How shall I redeem myself, even in my own opinion?

Miss Alscrip. (looking at Lord Gayville.)Ex­pressive dignity (looking at Miss Alton) Sweet sim­plicity! Amiable diffidence!—"She should exe­cute my commands most aukwardly."

Lord Gayville. (aside)There is but one way.—(to Miss Alscrip.) Madam, your sudden entrance has effected a discovery which with shame I con­fess ought to have been made before—The lady who stands there is in possession of my heart. If it is a crime to adore her, I am the most guilty wretch on earth—pardon me if you can; my sin­cerity is painful to me—But in this crisis it is the only atonement I can offer. [Bows and exit.

Miss Alscrip. (after a pause.)Admirable!—⟨Perfect!⟩ The most finish'd declaration I am con­vinc'd, that ever was made from beggarly nobility to the woman who was to make his fortune—the Lady who stands there—the lady—Madam—I am in patient expectation for the sincerity of your ladyship's atonement.

Miss Alton.I am confounded at the strange oc­currences that have happen'd; but be assured you see in me an innocent, and most unwilling rival.

Miss Alscrip.Rival! Better and better!—You—you give me uneasiness! You moppet—you co­quet of the side table to catch the gawkey heir of the family, when he comes from school at Christ­mas—You—you—you vile seducer of my good ​old, honour'd father! (cries) (in a passion again) What, is my lady dumb? Hussey? Have you the insolence to hold your tongue.

Miss Alton.Madam, I just now offer'd to justi­fy this scene; I thought it the part of duty to my­self, and respect to you. But your behaviour has now left but one sentiment upon my mind.

Miss Alscrip.And what is that, Madam?

Miss Alton. (With pointed expression)Scorn. [Exit. Miss Alscrip.Was there ever any thing like this before—and to a woman of my fortune—I to be robb'd of a lover—and that a poor Lord too—I'll have the act reviv'd against witchcraft; I'll have the minx tried—I'll—I'll—I'll verify the proverb of the tragedy———
Hell has no fury like a woman scorn'd. [Exit.