The Heiress (Burgoyne, 1786)/Act 2, Scene 3
SCENE III.
Miss Alscrip.And so Blandish, you really think that the introduction of Otahaite feathers in my trimming succeeded?
Mrs. Blandish.Oh, with the mixture of those charming Italian flowers, and the knots of pearl that gather'd up the festoons, never any thing had so happy an effect—It put the whole ball-room out of humour, and that's the surest test of good taste. Monsieur Chignon, that pin a little more to the front.
Miss Alscrip.And what did they say?
Mrs. Blandish.You know it is the first solicitude of my life to see the friend of my heart treated with justice—So when you stood up to dance, I got into the thick of the circle———Monsieur don't you think this large diamond wou'd be well placed just in the middle.
Chignon.Eh! non, Madame; ce na releve pas—Dat give no relief to de weight of de curl—Full in de front un gros bouton von great nob of diamend, pardie ce seroit un accommodage a' la Polyphéme de big eye of de geante in de centre of de forehead.
Miss Alscrip.Chignon is right in point of taste, tho' not quite so happy in his allusions as he is sometimes.
Chignon.Ah! Madame, you have done von grande injure to my contrie: You go for von monthe, and bring avay all de good taste—At Paris—All von side—de diamond, de cap—de glance—de bon mot même—All von side, nothing direct â Paris.
Miss Alscrip. (Smiling at Chignon, and then turning to Mrs. Blandish).Well!———And so———
Mrs. Blandish.So it was all admiration! Elegant, says Lady Spite—It may do very well for Miss Alscrip, who never looks at expence. The dress of a bridal princess! cries Mrs. Scanty, and for one night's wear too?
Miss Alscrip.Delightful! The very language I wish'd for—Oh, how charmingly apropos was my accident, did you see when my trimming in the passe-pied of a cotillion came luckily in contact with Billy Skim's great shoe buckle—How it ripp'd away?
Mrs. Blandish.Did I see it?
Miss Alscrip.One of the great feathers stuck fast on the shoe and looked for all the world like the heel wing of a Mercury in a pantomime.
Mrs. Blandish.Oh! you witty creature, how you describe!
Miss Alscrip.It was a most becoming rent!
Mrs. Blandish.And what a display of indifference; what an example for a woman of fortune, did you exhibit in the bustle of picking up the scattered fragments!
Miss Alscrip.When the pearls were trundling about and I insisted upon the company being no longer disturbed, but wou'd leave what remained for fairy favours to the maid who swept the room. He! he! he!—Do you think Lady Emily wou'd have done that better?
Mrs. Blandish.Lady Emily? poor girl!—How soon must she submit to be the humble second of the family.
Miss Alscrip.He! he! he! Do you sincerely think so, Blandish? And yet it wou'd be strange if it were otherwise, for I cou'd buy her ten-times over.
Chignon.Madame, vat humeure vould you wear to day?
Miss Alscrip.Humour! Chignon? What am I dressed for now?
Chignon.The parfaite aimble, Madame; but by bringing de point of de hair more down to de eyebrow, or adding a littel blowse to de sides, I can give you de look severe, capricieuse—vat you please.———
Miss Alscrip.We'll put it off for half an hour, I am not quite decided. I was in the capricieuse yesterday—I believe I shall keep on the perfect amiable. (Exit Chignon.) Tiffany, take off my powdering gown—Ah! ho!—How the wench tugs—do you think you are pulling off the coachman's great coat?
Mrs. Blandish.My dear amiable!—do not let that sweet temper be ruffled———Why will you not employ me in these little offices. Delicacy like your's should be waited upon by the softness of a sylph.(During this speech Exit Tiffany peevish)
Miss Alscrip.I am promised a creature to be about me out of the common way.
Mrs. Blandish.A new woman?
Miss Alscrip.No, something to be raised much higher, and at the same time fitted better to receive one's ill-humour. An humble companion, well born, well educated, and perfectly dependant, is a most useful appurtenance in the best families.
Mrs. Blandish.Well, do not raise her to the rank of a friend, lest I should be jealous.
Miss Alscrip.You may be perfectly secure———I shall take particular care that friendship shall be out of the question on both sides. I had once thought of a restoration of pages to sit in scarlet and silver (as one reads in former times) upon the forepart of the coach, and to hold up one's train—but I have a new male attendant in a Valet de Chambre, who has possession of my bust———My two women will have the charge from the point of the shoulder to the toe———So my person being provided for—the Countess of Gayville shall have an attendant to wait upon her mind.
Mrs. Blandish.I vow a most elegant and uncommon thought.
Miss Alscrip.One that can pen a note, in the familiar, the punctilious, or the witty—It's quite troublesome to be always writing wit for one's self———But above all she is to have a talent for music.
Mrs. Blandish.Aye, your very soul is framed for harmony.
Miss Alscrip.I have not quite determin'd what to call her———Governante of the private chamber, keeper of the boudoir with a silver key at her breast.
Enter Chignon.
Chignon.Madame, a young lady beg to know if you be visible.
Miss Alscrip.A young lady—It is not lady Emily Gayville.
Chignon.Non, Madame; but if you were absente and I had the adjustment of her head, she wou'd be the most chamante personne I did ever see.
Miss Alscrip.Introduce her. [Exit Chignon.Who can this be?
Mrs. Blandish.Some woman of taste to enquire your correspondent at Paris—or—
Enter Miss Alton
Miss Alscrip curtsying respectfully, Miss Alton retiring disconcerted.
Miss Alscrip.Of taste indeed by her appearance!—Who's in the anti-chamber? Why did they not open the folding doors?—Chignon, approach a fanteuil for the lady.
Miss Alton.Madam, I come!———
Miss Alscrip.Madam, pray be seated———
Miss Alton.—Excuse me, Madam———
Miss Alscrip.Madam, I must beg———
Miss Alton.Madam, this letter will inform you how little pretensions I have to the honours you are offering.
Miss Alscrip (reads)."Miss Alton, the bearer of this is the person I recommend as worthy the honor of attending you as a companion (eyes her scornfully.) She is born a gentlewoman, I dare say her talents and good qualities will speak more in her favour, than any words I could use—I am Madam, your most obedient—um—um—" Blandish, was there ever such a mistake?
Blandish.Oh! you dear, giddy, absent creature, what could you be thinking of?
Miss Alscrip.Absent indeed. Chignon give me the fanteuil, (throws herself into it) young woman, where were you educated?
Miss Alton.Chiefly, Madam, with my parents.
Miss Alscrip.But finish'd, I take it for granted, at a country boarding school; for we have, "young ladies," you know Blandish, "boarded and educated," upon blue boards in gold letters in every village; with a strolling player for a dancing master, and a deserter from Dunkirk, to teach the French grammar.
Mrs. Blandish.How that genius of your's does paint! nothing escapes you—I dare say you have anticipated this young lady's story.
Miss Alton.It is very true, Madam, my life can afford nothing to interest the curiosity of you two ladies; it has been too insignificant to merit your concern, and attended with no circumstances to excite your pleasantry.
Miss Alscrip (yawning).I hope, child, it will be attended with such for the future as will add to your own—I cannot bear a mope about me.———I am told you have a talent for music—can you touch that harp—It stands here as a piece of furniture, but I have a notion it is kept in tune, by the man who comes to wind up my clocks.
Miss Alton.Madam, I dare not disobey you. But I have been us'd to perform before a most partial audience; I am afraid strangers will think my talent too humble to be worthy attention.
I.
For tenderness framed in life's earliest day
A parent's soft sorrows to mine led the way;
The lesson of pity was caught from her eye,
And e'er words were my own, I spoke in a sigh.
The nightingale plunder'd, the mate-widow'd dove,
The warbled complaint of the suffering grove,
To youth as it ripened gave sentiment new,
The object still changing, the sympathy true.
Soft embers of passion, yet rest in the glow—
A warmth of more pain may this breast never know!
Or if too indulgent the blessing I claim,
Let the spark drop from reason that wakens the flame.
Miss Alscrip.I declare not amiss, Blandish: only a little too plaintive—but I dare say she can play a country dance, when the enlivening is required—So Miss Alton you are welcome to my protection; and indeed I wish you to stay from this hour—My toilette being nearly finish'd, I shall have a horrid vacation till dinner.
Miss Alton.Madam, you do me great honour, and I very readily obey you.
Mrs. Blandish.I wish you joy, Miss Alton, of the most enviable situation a young person of elegant talents could be raised to—You and I will vie with each other to prevent our dear countess ever knowing a melancholy hour—She has but one fault to correct—the giving way to the soft effusions of a too tender heart.
Enter Servant.
Servant.Madam, a letter———
Miss Alscrip.It's big enough for a state pacquet———Oh! mercy, a petition———for heav'n's sake Miss Alton, look it over. (Miss Alton reads) I should as soon read one of lady Newchapel's methodist sermons———What does it contain?
Miss Alton.Madam, an uncommon series of calamities, which prudence cou'd neither see, nor prevent: the reverse of a whole family from affluence and content, to misery and imprisonment; and it adds, that the parties have the honour, remotely, to be allied to you.
Miss Alscrip.Female relations! aye, they always think one's made of money.
Miss Alton.That some years ago———
Enter another servant.
2d. Servant.A messenger, Madam, from the animal repository, with the only puppy of the Peruvians, and the refusal at twenty guineas.
Miss Alscrip.As I live the offspring of the beauteous Aza who has so long been thought past hopes of continuing his family! Were he to ask fifty I must have him.
Mrs. Blandish (offering to run out)I vow I'll give him the first kiss.
Miss Alscrip (stopping her)I'll swear you shan't.
Miss Alton.Madam, I was just finishing the petition.
Miss Alscrip.It's throwing money away—but give him a crown. [Exit with Mrs. Blandish striving which shall be first. Miss Alton."The soft effusions of a too tender heart." The proof is excellent, That the covetous should be deaf to the miserable I can conceive, but I should not have believed, if I had not seen, that a taste for profusion did not find its first indulgence in benevolence. [Exit.End of Act the Second.