The Heiress (Burgoyne, 1786)/Act 2, Scene 1

​

Check—If you do not take care, you are gone the next move.

Clifford.I confess, Lady Emily, you are on the point of compleat victory.

Lady Emily.Pooh, I wou'd not give a farth­ing for victory without a more spirited defence.

Clifford.Then you must engage with those (if those there are) that do not find you irresistible.

Lady Emily.I cou'd find a thousand such; but I'll engage with none whose triumph I could not submit to with pleasure.

Sir Clement. (Apart)Pretty significant on both sides. I wonder how much farther it will go.

Lady Emily.Uncle, did you speak?

Sir Clement. [Reading to himself.] "And the parties to this indenture do farther covenant and agree, that all and every the said lands, tenements, and hereditaments———um———um"———How use­ful sometimes is ambiguity! [Loud enough to be heard.]

Clifford.A very natural observation of Sir Cle­ment's upon that long parchment. [Pauses again upon the chess board.]

[Lady Emily looking pensively at his face.]

Clifford.To what a dilemma have you reduc'd ​me, Lady Emily. If I advance, I perish by my temerity; and it is out of my power to retreat.

Sir Clement. [Apart] Better and better!———To talk in cypher is a curious faculty.

Clifford.Sir?

Sir Clement. [Still reading]"In witness where­of the said parties have hereunto interchangeably set their hands and seals this———um—um———day of um———um.———."

Lady Emily. [Resuming an air of vivacity]Come, I trifle with you too long———There's your coup de grace.———Uncle, I have conquer'd. [Both rising from the table.]

Sir Clement.Niece, I do not doubt it———and in the style of the great proficients, without look­ing upon the board. Clifford, was not your mo­ther's name Charlton? [Folding up the parchment and rising].

Clifford.It was, Sir.

Sir Clement.In looking over the writings Al­scrip has sent me, preparatory to his daughter's settlement, I find mention of a conveyance from a Sir William Charlton of Devonshire. Was he a relation?

Clifford.My grandfather, Sir: The plunder of his fortune was one of the first materials for raising that of Mr. Alscrip, who was steward to Sir William's estate, then manager of his difficul­ties, and lastly his sole creditor.

Sir Clement.And no better monopoly than that of a man's distresses. Alscrip has had twenty such, or I should not have singled out his daughter to be Lord Gayville's wife.

Clifford.It is a compensation for my family losses, that in the event they will conduce to the interest of the man I most love.

​Sir Clement.Hey day, Clifford!—take care, don't trench upon the Blandish—Your cue, you know, is Sincerity.

Clifford.You seem to think, Sir, there is no such quality. I doubt whether you believe there is an honest man in the world.

Sir Clement.You do me great injustice—seve­ral—several—and upon the old principle that—"honesty is the best policy."—Self-interest is the great end of life, says human nature—Honesty is a better agent than craft—says proverb.

Clifford.But as for ingenuous, or purely dis­interested motives—

Sir Clement.Clifford, do you mean to laugh at me?

Clifford.What is your opinion, Lady Emily?

Lady Emily. [Endeavouring again at vivacity]That there may be such: but it's odds they are troublesome or insipid. Pure ingenuousness, I take it, is a rugged sort of thing, which scarcely will bear the polish of common civility; and for disinterestedness—young people sometimes set out with it; but it is like travelling upon a broken spring—one is glad to get it mended at the next stage.

Sir Clement.Emily, I protest you seem to study after me; proceed child and we will read toge­ther every character that comes in our way.

Lady Emily.Read one's acquaintance—de­lightful! what romances, novels, satires, and mock heroics present themselves to my imagina­tion! Our young men are flimsy essays; old ones, political pamphlets; coquets fugitive pieces; and fashionable beauties, a compilation of advertized perfumery, essence of pearl, milk of roses, and Olympian dew.—Lord, I should now and then ​tho' turn over an acquaintance with a sort of fear and trembling.

Clifford.How so?

Lady Emily.Lest one should pop unaware upon something one should not, like a naughty speech in an old comedy; but it is only skipping what wou'd make one blush.

Sir Clement.Or if you did not skip, when a woman reads by herself and to herself, there are wicked philosophers who doubt whether her blushes are very troublesome.

Lady Emily. (To Sir Clement)Do you know now that for that speech of your's—and for that saucy smile of yours (to Clifford) I am strongly tempted to read you both aloud!

Sir Clement.Come try—I'll be the first to open the book.

Lady Emily.A treatise of the Houyhnhnms after the manner of Swift, tending to make us odious to ourselves, and to extract morose mirth from our imperfections—(turning to Clifford) Con­trasted with an exposition of ancient morality address'd to the moderns: a chimerical attempt upon an obsolete subject.

Sir Clement.Clifford! we must double down that page. And now we'll have a specimen of her Ladyship.

Lady Emily.I'll give it you myself, and with justice; which is more than either of you wou'd.

Sir Clement.And without skipping.

Lady Emily.Thus then,—a light, airy, fantas­tic sketch of genteel manners as they are; with a little endeavour at what they ought to be—rather entertaining than instructive, not without art, but sparing in the use of it———

Sir Clement.But the passions, Emily. Do not ​forget what should stand in the foreground of a female treatise.

Lady Emily.They abound: but mixed and blended cleverly enough to prevent any from pre­dominating; like the colours of a shot lutestring, that change as you look at it sideways or full: they are sometimes brighten'd by vivacity, and now and then subject to a shade of caprice—but meaning no ill—not afraid of a critical review: and thus gentlemen I present myself to you fresh from the press, and I hope not inelegantly bound.

Sir Clement.Altogether making a perfectly de­sireable companion for the closet: I am sure Clif­ford you will agree with me. Gad we are got into such a pleasant freedom with each other, it is a pity to separate while any curiosity remains in the company—Prithee Clifford satisfy me a little as to your history. Old Lord Hardacre, if I am rightly informed, disinherited your father, his second son.

Clifford.For the very marriage we have been speaking of. The little fortune my father could call his own was sunk before his death as a provision for my mother; upon an idea that whatever resent­ment he might personally have incurred—it would not be extended to an innocent offspring.

Sir Clement.A very silly confidence. How readily now, should you and I, Emily, have disco­ver'd in a sensible old man, the irreconcilable of­fence of a marriage of the passions—You under­stand me?

Lady Emily.Perfectly! (aside.) Old petrifaction, your hints always speak forceably.

Sir Clement.But your uncle, the present Lord, made amends?

Clifford.Amply. He offer'd to send me from Cambridge to an academy in Germany, to fit ​me for foreign service: Well judging that a can­non ball was a fair and quick provision for a poor relation.

Sir Clement.Upon my word I have known un­cles less considerate.

Clifford.When Lord Gayville's friendship, and your indulgence, made me the companion of his travels, Lord Hardacre's undivided cares devolved upon my sister; whose whole independant possession at my mother's death, was five hundred pounds—All our education had permitted that unhappy parent to lay by.

Lady Emily.Oh, for an act of justice and bene­volence to reconcile me to the odious man! Tell me this instant what did he do for Miss Clifford?

Clifford.He bestow'd upon her forty pounds a year, upon condition that she resided with a family of his dependants in a remote county, to save the family from disgrace; and that allowance, when I heard last from her, he had threaten'd to withdraw, upon her refusing a detestable match he had en­deavour'd to force upon her.

Lady Emily.Poor girl!

Sir Clement.Upon my word an interesting story, and told with pathetic effect.—Emily, you look grave child.

Lady Emily. (aside.)I shall not own it how­ever. (to him.) For once, my dear uncle, you want your spectacles. My thoughts are on a di­verting subject—My first visit to Miss Alscrip; to take a near view of that collection of charms destined to my happy brother.

Sir Clement.You need not go out of the room for that purpose. The schedule of an Heiress's fortune is a compendium of her merits and the true security for marriage happiness.

​Lady Emily.I am sure I guess at your system—That union must be most wise which has wealth to support it, and no affections to disturb it.

Sir Clement.Right.

Lady Emily.That makes a divorce the first promise of wedlock; and widowhood, the best blessing of life; that separates the interest of hus­band, wife and child—

Sir Clement.To establish the independent com­fort of all—

Lady Emily.Upon the broad basis of family ha­tred. Excellent, my dear Uncle, excellent in­deed; and upon that principle, tho' the Lady is likely to be your niece, and my sister, I am sure you will have no objection to my laughing at her a little.

Sir Clement.You'll be puzzled to make her more ridiculous than I think her. What is your plan?

Lady Emily.Why tho' her pride is to be thought a leader in fashions, she is sometimes a servile co­pyist. Blandish tells me I am her principal model; and what is most provoking, she is intent upon catching my manner as well as my dress, which she exaggerates to an excess that vexes me. Now, if she will take me in shade, I'll give her a new outline, I am resolved; and if I do not make her a caricature for a printshop—

Clifford.Will all this be strictly consistent with your good nature, Lady Emily?

Lady Emily.No, nor I don't know when I shall do any thing consistent with it again, except leav­ing you two critics to a better subject than your humble servant.

[Curtsies and exit with a lively air.

Sir Clement.Well, Clifford! What do you think of her?

​Clifford.That when she professes ill-temper, she is a very aukward counterfeit.

Sir Clement.But her beauty, her wit, her improve­ment since you went abroad? I expected from a man of your age and taste, something more than a cold compliment upon her temper—Could not you compatibly with the immaculate sincerity you possess, venture as far as admiration?

Clifford.I admire her, Sir, as I do a bright star in the firmament, and consider the distance of both as equally immeasureable.

Sir Clement. (aside.) Specious rogue! (to him.) Well, leave Emily then to be wink'd at through telescopes; and now to a matter of nearer obser­vation—What is Gayville doing?

Clifford.Every thing you desire, Sir, I trust; but you know I have been at home only three days, and have hardly seen him since I came.

Sir Clement.Nor I neither; but I find he has profited wonderfully by foreign experience—After rambling half the world over without harm, he is caught like a travell'd woodcock, at his landing.

Clifford.If you suspect Lord Gayville of indis­cretion, why do you not put him candidly to the test? I'll be bound for his ingenuousness not to with-hold any confession you may require.

Sir Clement.You may be right, but he'll confess more to you in an hour, than to me in a month for all that; come, Clifford, look as you ought to do at your interest—Sift him—Watch him—You cannot guess how much you will make me your friend, and how grateful I may be if you will dis­cover.———

Clifford.Sir, you mistake the footing upon which Lord Gayville and I live—I am often the partner of his thoughts, but never a spy upon his actions.

[Bow and exit. ​Sir Clement. (alone.)Well, play'd Clifford! Good air and emphasis, and well suited to the trick of the scene—He wou'd do, if the practical part of deceit were as easy at his age, as discernment of it is at mine. Gayville and Emily, if they had not a vigilant guard, would be his sure prey; for they are the examples of the generous affections coming to maturity with their stature; while sus­picion, art and interest are still dormant in the seed. I must employ Blandish in this business—A rascal of a different cast—Below Clifford in hypocrisy, but greatly above him in the scale of impudence— They shall both forward my ends, while they think they are pursuing their own. I shall ever be sure of a man's endeavours to serve me, while I hold out a lure to his knavery and interest. [Exit.