Page:Weird Tales Volume 6 Number 4 (1925-10).djvu/88

Where was I again? Do you remember, doctor? Oh, yes. Well, once I woke up and mamma was kneeling by my bed, and I guess she was praying, 'cause she said:

"Oh, dear God, have mercy! Spare this one of sound mind. Don't take this one, not this one, not this one!" She kept saying that over and over, like she wanted the other one taken.

Well, doctor, I had to do a whole lot more thinking after that until my head ached, but I was too tired out to talk anyway, only sometimes when I came back from far away-like I knew I must try to get better 'cause mamma wanted it.

But I heard things. I heard nurse say one day that it would be a blessing if the other child—Freddy, you know—could die on a bed of sickness instead of me.

You said to her something about that you wished you could be brave enough to let the other child catch it and die on a bed of sickness and put it out of its misery, but you shook your head sorry-like and said that not many men were brave enough for that.

Ouch, doctor, you're pressing my hand too hard now and please, don't look so angry. Was it wrong for me to listen that time? You see I couldn't help listening. Don't you want me to tell this part? I'm only telling you— All right.

After that I guess I was feverish a whole lot 'cause I had terrible dreams about putting Freddy out of his misery; and even when I could think, it was always that if I killed Freddy's bright little spirit maybe I should be that person brave enough to put him out of his misery and maybe then I'd be forgiven and everybody'd know that it was 'cause I loved mamma and Freddy so much. I did an awful lot of thinking about the blessing if he could die on a bed of sickness and about my catching disease, and little by little I had it all thought out.

Yes, doctor, I know you said I was in high fever, but I tell you all the same I thought it out just as plain as plain can be. Now, please wait, doctor, there's more coming. I'm feeling all right—truly I am, just feel my pulse. See! Oh, all right, I'll rest a minute . . . Now can I go on?

One night mamma took nurse's place, and 'cause I guess she was so tired worrying about everything, she fell tight asleep. So no one was watching and something in my head kep' saying, 'Now is the time, be brave; put him out of his misery;' so I got up and went to Freddy's room. I told him to forgive me but it would be better for him to die on a bed of sickness and I was going to help him do it 'cause I was brave.

I put my arms around him and held him tight and kissed him and kissed him on the mouth and breathed my catching sickness into his face so he could catch it quick and then I said good-bye and put him back in his crib. I was awful weak and I guess I almost fainted and I dropped him back on the bed so hard that I'm afraid I bumped him too hard, but I guess it didn't matter 'cause I'd fixed it so he'd be out of his misery soon anyhow.

Oh, look, doctor—you dropped a tear on my hand. Are you feeling so sorry? Please hold my hand yet a while. It makes it easier for me.

Well, next day I heard he caught it and no one knew how he got it and than I don't remember much 'cause everything was sort of confused in my head. Only once I remember hearing some one say it was a miracle and a blessing so I guess he—he died soon 'cause you see I gave him the blessing and then I don't remember anything until I woke up here and you said I had brain fever and now you know why.

All the same I wish I was dead 'cause now I'm not feverish and I can see I was wicked and not brave and