Page:The Toll of the Bush.pdf/59

I have a reason, however, for desiring to see the book now.’ Then it has been questioned. By whom? She has a certain amount of belief in him, or she would not trouble to follow it up. The next paragraph is conventional again, put in to prevent the note appearing too one-sided; that’s plain. Or is there something behind that too? No, we get back to the book—the book’s the thing. ‘Yours sincerely, Eve.’ Suddenly he raised the letter passionately to his lips.

‘What is the use of trying to deceive myself any longer? If I go it will be because of her, and for no other reason. I have let myself drift into this, fool that I am! There was but this folly left for me to commit, and now it also has come to pass. Of course they wonder at my absence; for months there was not a week but I blundered into the flame. If I went back to-morrow, not five minutes would pass before she would be more myself than I am. It is so now. I am her slave. There is no deceiving myself as to what going there means. It will be with my eyes open. It will be my last stake. Her father is a wealthy man; I have nothing. He is a successful man; I am a failure. Those are two business-like reasons why I should wish to marry her. Then if I go, it will be as her father’s hired man—that will always be a pleasing reflection. I foresee that I shall have a good time chewing that. Do I mean to go? It seems that I have never wanted anything in my life till now. Certainly no other woman,’—his thoughts checked themselves, and he frowned,—‘not wealth, not rank. This is the one thing I have asked of Destiny, or shall ask. Nothing seemed to matter till now, but now I see