Page:The Strand Magazine (Volume 6).djvu/74
shake and drove all trace of smiles from my face. Come what might, I would have it out with that girl, sooner or later.
"Now, as it so happened, Liz had struck against having the net under us on this particular night. Mr. Ferris wouldn't hear of it at first, but she pouted and sulked, and declared she wouldn't go up unless she was allowed to have her way. He didn't well know what to do; he felt sure she would keep her word—for she was an obstinate little thing and it would cause a hitch in the whole performance. He talked, argued, and coaxed; but it was no good, he had to give in. After all, there wasn't much danger, for we had gone through the same thing scores of times without an accident of any kind.
"Our performance always ended up with a grand feat on the flying trapeze. I daresay you have seen something like it in other places. I hung head downwards at one end of the building, and Liz took up a position right away at the other side. The trapeze, which was hanging in the centre of the space between us, was then drawn up towards her. She grasped it in both hands, leaped out into the air, and swung across towards me. When she got as far as it would carry her, she let go her hold, turned a somersault, and dropped down upon me with outstretched hands. I caught her by the wrists. The people held their breath until they saw her safe; then the silence was broken by a wild outburst of applause, in the midst of which Liz slid down a rope to the ground, and I followed.
"We had got through the first part of our programme all right, and were preparing for our grand wind-up feat. Liz was already at her post. As I lowered myself into the proper position, I could see her white figure far away above me, right at the roof of the building. She was never in a hurry to jump off; she liked to stand there and watch the hundreds of eager faces gazing up at her. She seemed to take a childish delight in the fixed stare, the gaping mouths, and the breathless impatience of the crowds below.
"That night she held back longer than usual. She shifted her feet about, made one or two false motions as if on the point of swinging off, and then stood still again. She was trying to make believe that she was frightened, and half-afraid of the venture. But it was all pretence, of course; there was a smile on her face the whole time, and she was as sure of herself then as on every previous occasion.
Suddenly, as I watched her, the thought sprang up in my mind—or it seemed as if the words were whispered into my ear—'How easy it would be to miss her!' A second or two would do it; to pull myself up a few inches would send her flying past me! And there was nothing below to break her fall!
"I did not come to a decision then and there; I only wavered. But the thought was still in my mind, and I made no effort to get rid of it. A hundred times in that short pause the devil within me repeated those words—'How easy it would be to miss her!' Then a smothered exclamation from the crowd below warned me that she was off, and I prepared to catch her as usual.
"Sir, I tell you—I swear to you—that not until she had swung right across, not until she had turned the somersault and was dropping down towards me, was my mind made up. Then, in the twinkling of an eye, the question was settled, and—oh, my God! it was settled against her! I let her fall!
"I heard the rush of her body through the air, I heard the horrid thud on the ground below, and the wild uproar that arose on every side. I felt faint and giddy—I wonder I didn't tumble down after her—but I managed to drag myself up to the bar from which I hung. As I sat there, clinging on to the ropes, I gave one glance below. The lights danced before my eyes, the tiers of white faces looked blurred and dim, but I could see Mr. Ferris and the ring men grouped around the white form on the ground. Then a gentleman in evening dress—a doctor, I suppose—sprang into the ring, and hurried towards the spot. I put my hand up to my face to shut out the sight.
"How I got down, I don't know. All I can remember is, that as I tottered away out of the ring, I saw them place the lifeless body on a board. Nobody seemed to notice me; I was allowed to pass out without a word. The moment I reached the dressing-room, I fell in a dead faint on the floor.
"For two whole days I kept to my room. You can have little idea of the agony I suffered in that short time! Many a year of my life has seemed to pass quicker than one of those days. I don't think I either ate or slept during those forty-eight terrible hours; at least, I have no recollection of doing so. It was one long, unbroken spell of anguish and remorse! I had longed to get rid of that girl, and now that she was gone, what had I gained? What advantage had my crime brought me? None whatever. Oh, if I had