Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/861

London's new watchword—"Scott strafe Zeppelin."

President Wilson has excused his inability to speak at a patriotic celebration next month by saying that "questions turn up so suddenly and have to be handled so promptly" that he dare not let his thoughts go out to other matters. It is not yet five months, for example, since the Lusitania was sunk.

A German airship recently dropped a bone inscribed with a message to Sir Edward Grey. The skull and the other part of the trade-mark have not yet been traced.

In a list of expressions of French of English origin still appearing in the German Press we find the word "zivilisation." This is, of course, a tribute to the Kaiser's airmen, who prefer to introduce civilization with a "Z."

In a discussion with Sir R. Baden-Powell regarding the proper length for a lance the German Emperor said, "I find that for every inch that you put on to a man's lance you give him two feet of self-esteem." We could give an estimate of the length of the Kaiser's own lance; but there is no room for it on this page.

We have it on the authority of the German wireless that private individuals and municipalities frequently request the German authorities to safeguard their works of art. The Crown Prince and his brother Joachim have been especially gracious in responding to these appeals.

In its campaign for economy the Lokalanzeiger has been urging the German public not to require shopkeepers to tie up their parcels, pointing out that "the hemp used for string is needed for the army and navy." Having regard to some of the doings of the said army and navy we cordially agree.

A story is going the rounds of a soldier who caught a horse during the retreat from Mons and sold it to a gunner for a packet of Woodbines. The excellence of the bargain has probably been exaggerated; it may have been merely and exchange of weeds.

Count Bernstoff has stated to an interviewer that all difficulties between Germany and America will be settled within a fortnight, "because I am in charge now." A lot of trouble would have been saved if he had been arrested six months ago.

By a large majority the Croydon Guardians resolved last week not to insure the ratepayers' property against damage by aircraft, after one member had besought them not to give way to panic "because of little things that had happened in the London district." We are glad that at least one of the Croydon Bumbles has repudiated the motto "Buzziness as usual."

Extract from a facetious German spy's report to his Government:—"The success of the visit of the Zeppelins was colossal. In every street an air-raided bread-shop is to be observed."

"Mr. Chaplin said he only rose lest, sitting on the same bench as the hon. and gallant gentleman, his silence might appear to give consent to the views expressed. (Laughter.)" Mr. Asquith (later):—"I entirely associate myself with what was said by the right hon. gentleman who leads the Opposition. (Laughter)." The only inference we can draw from these mysterious outbursts of merriment is that the Members of Parliament had confnsed the Leader of the Opposition with another person of the same name.

Some of our popular authors regard the decision of the Lambeth Labraries' Committee to purchase no more novels during the War as most unfair. The Committee allege that "fiction in wartime should be regarded as more or less of a luxury"—and yet they continue to purchase large nnmbers of newspapers.

The men polishers employed at a chair-making factory are reported to have struck because the women workers were given easy jobs, whil ethey had to take the more difficult. These, we suppose, are the arm-chair patriots we hear so much about.

Remarking on a well-known journal's description of itself as "The paper that gets things done," a correspondent considers that the quotation from Browning's "Rabbi Ben Ezra" might have been completed—"Things done, that took the eye and had the price."

A correspondent reminds us of Falstaff's confession, "I have misused the King's Press damnably," as a suitable quotation for the times, but we fail to catch his meaning.

We hear that a dear old lady who had a Zeppelin pass exactly over her house has taken the precaution of staying indefinitely with friends two doors down the road.

"Brevet-Major Longcroft will be remembered as the first airmen who piloted a machine over Kirriemuir."—Kirriemur Free Press.

Where's your J. M. Barrie now?

"Mr. Cotter adduced his own experience at inquiry on loss of Lusitania as proof of need for giving a statue to trade nnion officials." Portsmouth Evening News.

For some of them, perhaps, a bust would be more appropriate.

"This morning south of the town the offensive passed into our hands, inflicting heavy punishment on the Germans and Christians." Eastern Morning News.

A justifiable distinction.