Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/549
"Why don't you use your brains, Douglas?"
"Because I want them to last."
IMPROVING THE OCCASION.
(Being some metrical suggestions for the encouragement of Home Travel.)
In the days long gone by
Was a saying of wide circulation;
"See Blackpool and live"
Is the counsel I give
To all who require recreation.
By the charm of melodious names?
There are plenty of places at home
With quite as euphonious claims.
I call them mere musical footle,
They never attain to the pitch
Of Chirk, Ballybunnion and Bootle.
In the mountaineering line
And desire an object worthy of your mettle,
Don't allow your thirst for fame
To inspire you with the aim
Of escalading Popocatapetl.
On MacGillycuddy's Reeks,
They will put you in the very finest fettle;
And what is more, your choice
Will infallibly rejoice
The heart of good Professor T. M. Kettle.
Aconcagua's Peak,
With its crown of perpetual snow,
Be contented and hie
To the Coolins of Skye,
They're the handiest Andes I know.
Too near the War zone to be pleasant,
All its charms are supplied
In our Lake countryside,
Excepting the merry Swiss peasant.
Until the war-cloud's overblown—
We've a Black Country of our own
Where Bennett sits upon his throne.
Though nominally still at peace,
Is in a state of ebullition;
But why regret it? Have we not
A Modern Athens on the spot
Replete with classical tradition?
By the racket of town,
Which the best constitution enfeebles,
Health, pastime and pleasure
You'll find in full measure
On the Scots Riviera at Peebles.
"It is understood that the campaign in Skibbereen and district has been successful, several young men, principally shot assistants, having come forward and volunteered."
Cork Constitution.
Recruits who have already been under fire are, of course, particularly valuable.
"As the result of a vigorous bombardment on Friday the enemy was forced to make a voluntary retreat at one point of his line."
Yorkshire Telegraph.
This manoeuvre resembles what hunting-men call "taking a voluntary."
"One mother, a widow, was asked by her son in Australia for her permission to volunteer for the front. She cabled him at once:—'Join the Austrian contingent.—Mother.'"
Kingston (Jamaica) Daily Chronicle.
Traitress!