Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/542

Jimmy says that when his bloodhound Faithful has picked up the trail of a German spy he sometimes adopts a ruse in order to approach his victim. Jimmy says Faithful is a good ruser, and he has often seen him scratching his head—and his back—thinking hard.

Jimmy says Faithful thought of a splendid way of coming up to a spy under cover; it was like they did to Macbeth with some laburnum woods, only it wasn't woods, it was a wild Cow.

Jimmy says the wild cow had been taking a walk all by itself, and when it turned in at his gate he thought at first that it had come to deliver the milk itself because of the War. Jimmy says the cow didn't seem to know what it had come in for until it saw Faithful.

Jimmy says as soon as he saw the way Faithful looked at the cow he knew Faithful was going to use it for a purpose, and that Faithful had got some ruse up his sleeve.

Jimmy says they first started wagging tails at one another. Jimmy says the cow was a better wagger than his bloodhound, because it could do fancy loops, and it was all Faithful could do to keep his end up. Jimmy says the wild cow got a bit cocky over it, and lifted up its stomach and coughed right in Faithful's face. Jimmy says it was awful, because you know what bloodhounds can do with wild cows. They just catch them by the nose and fasten on there tight for ever, and in time the wild cow dies of hunger, because it is unable to browse with a bloodhound like that; and then the bloodhound goes home just as if nothing had happened, and you say, "Where have you been all this time?"

But Faithful's training came to his aid and helped him to deny himself the nose-grip, Jimmy says, and he could see Faithful bending the cow to work his will.

Jimmy says Faithful's first rush made the wild cow tilt up and down and swing its bulk about just to show off its agility. But it made no difference to Faithful; he simply went behind the kennel and began pulling himself together until the cow had got over it. Faithful just kept one eye round the corner of the kennel biding his time. Jimmy says the cow tried to throw its head at Faithful, but it couldn't work it loose enough, and then Faithful, rushing round, made a fearful grab at the cow's ankle and drove it right back into the corner of the garden.

Jimmy says it made the cow get desperate and it bit off the top of a cabbage and began wagging its ears and working its lower jaw from side to side at Faithful, like you do when you want to mesmerise anyone. But it was no good, so the cow sounded the horn for Faithful to get out of the way and made a fearful plunge; Faithful hurled himself to one side and gave a bay that shook the cow to its core, and the cow took a standing jump right through the hedge into the next garden.

Jimmy says the cow went mad when it got into the next garden; it began swinging its head loose and looping the loop over flower-beds and things. Jimmy says it was because it felt so relieved; but, when it had straightened itself out again and saw Faithful making a bee-line for it, it pushed up its tail in the air as high as it could get it, just to say good-bye, and then went right through another hedge into a garden where a man was watering seeds. Jimmy wondered whether this was the spy Faithful was using the cow for.

Jimmy says the man wasn't thinking of bloodhounds and wild cows, and all he could do at first was to open his mouth wide and pour the water from the watering-can into one of his slippers. Jimmy says it took the man nearly half a minute to throw the watering-can at the wild cow, and then he only thought of it because his slipper wouldn't hold any more water and the wild cow was trying to walk the tight rope over some black cotton he had put down to keep the sparrows off his peas.

Jimmy says the cow began to look unstrung. It's awful to think a bloodhound is tracking you down, Jimmy says. It's like a rabbit when a stoat is after it; no matter how far it runs there the stoat is coming along after it three fields away and so the rabbit just lies down and squeals. Jimmy says the cow kept looking for a place to lie down and squeal in, but the man would keep on bothering it with flower-pots, Bo the cow wormed its way through another hedge. Jimmy says the man said it was a horned cow and he gave Faithful leave to eat it alive.

Jimmy knew the boy in the next garden, and when the boy saw the cow and Jimmy and Faithful he sat down and laughed nearly as much as Jimmy did. You see the boy's father and mother had gone out, and they had the cow all to themselves, and it was a nice bright day and there was a wall on the other side of the garden.

Jimmy says they played with the cow, whilst Faithful, who had cast aside all disguise, flung himself openly on the nil of the lurking spy.

Jimmy says the boy knew all about wild cows; you do it with a lasso made out of the clothes-line, and you don't want a saddle because you don't stay on long enough.

Jimmy says the man who owned the cow easily tracked it down because so many people kept showing the cow's imprints to him.

Jimmy says when the cow saw the man it ran up to him and asked him to take care of it.

Jimmy says they were just going to ask the man what the cow's name was when they heard the deep baying of Jimmy's bloodhound. Jimmy says he always feels excited when his bloodhound has worked out his ruse; it's like when you work out a problem in arithmetic and then look at the answer at the end of the book—it's the surprise, Jimmy says.

Jimmy_says they soon found the traces of Faithful's deadly work; they were in the coalhouse and it was the cook. They found her with her nose pressed against a lump of coal. When the cook came to she said that all she remembered was going to fetch some coal to make up the fire, and she had just shovelled up a nice piece and was carrying it out when it put up its wet nose against her face and barked at her.

Jimmy says you should never try to shovel up bloodhounds; it only makes them worse.

Jimmy asked the boy if he knew the cook must be a German, and then the boy told him. He said his father and mother had gone to the War Office to get them to send a regiment of soldiers to intern the cook because she was a German, but she had been born in Ireland.

Jimmy soon found his bloodhound; they could hear him tracking for more spies in the larder, and when they got to him he was searching a cold rice pudding.

"Against that ambition England will always send forth her last ship and her last man."

"The Times' " Literary Supplement.

Excellent for a single occasion; but we can't keep on doing it.

From a list of the new Cabinet in a French local paper:—

"Intérieur: Sir Mac-Kenne. Premier lord de l'amirauté: Sir Balfour. Sécretaires d'Etat pour l'Irlande et l'Ecosse: Sirs Birrel et Macchinnon. MM. Wood Attorney, général Edward Carson, Winston, Churchill restent définitivement dans le nouveau cabinet."

The military title conferred upon Sir Edward Carson is a reminder of unhappy far-off days and battles (in Ulster) long ago.