Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/528

Extracts from the diary of a subaltern:—

Sept. 1st.—Received commission in His Majesty's Forces. Gazetted temporary sub-lieutenant R.F.A.

Oct. 1st.—Decided to apply for £7 10s. Field Kit Allowance.

Oct. 2nd.—Wrote to local Paymaster demanding £7 10s.

Oct. 10th.—Received letter from Paymaster requesting receipted bill for articles bought.

Oct. 10th.—Forwarded receipted bill.

Oct. 21st.—Letter returned from Paymaster with memorandum referring me to Messrs. Charing and Cross, Government Agents.

Oct. 21st.—Wrote to local Paymaster requesting return of receipted bill.

Nov. 1st.—Received bill.

Nov. 1st.—Wrote to Messrs. Charing and Cross enclosing receipted bill and requesting payment of £7 10s.

Nov. 5th.—Received communication from Messrs. Charing & Cross, stating that only Government grant and salary passed through their hands, Field Kit Allowances being paid by Regimental Paymaster at Land's End.

Nov. 5th.—Wrote to Regimental Paymaster at Land's End, enclosing receipted bill, and requesting £7 10s.

Nov. 22nd.—Received memorandum from Regimental Paymaster stating that Field Kit Allowances must be claimed within two months of receiving commission. If claimed after two months, certified statement that claim has not already been made must be enclosed.

Nov. 22nd.—Wrote to Regimental Paymaster enclosing certified statement.

Dec. 7th.—Memorandum from Regimental Paymaster stating that under Army Order X02Y Central, on and after Dec. 4th, Field Kit Allowances are paid into Messrs. Charing and Cross. Receipted bill and certified statement returned.

Dec. 7th.—Wrote to Messrs. Charing and Cross, enclosing receipted bill and certified statement, and asking if Field Kit Allowance had been paid into account.

Dec. 12th.—Communication from Messrs. Charing and Cross, stating that Army Order X02Y Central only applies to officers gazetted on or after Dec. 4th. Officers gazetted previously obtain Field Kit Allowance from Regimental Paymaster at Land's End.

Dec. 13th.—Ordered ten days' sick-leave by Medical Officer on account of nervous breakdown.

Dec. 23rd.—Wrote a full and detailed and moderately calm letter to Regimental Paymaster at Land's End. Wished him a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and requested payment of £7 10s. Field Kit Allowance. Enclosed receipted bill, certified statement and Christmas card.

Jan. 2nd.—Received sympathetic letter from Regimental Paymaster, stating that all claims for Field Kit Allowance must be accompanied by Certificate K.Y.O. 7635, to be obtained from Commanding Officers.

Jan. 2nd.—Wrote to C.O. requesting Certificate.

Jan. 21st.—Wrote to C.O. requesting Certificate.

Feb. 7th.—Wrote to C.O. requesting Certificate.

Feb. 19th.—Received crushing letter from Adjutant enclosing Certificate.

Feb. 19th.—Wrote to Regimental Paymaster demanding Field Kit Allowance. Enclosed Certificate K.Y.O. 7635.

Mar. 2nd.—Received cheque for £7 10s.

June 1st.—Able to sit up and take a little nourishment.

"There are tales of snipers being captured with their faces and hands stained green, and their clothes hung about with leaves in order to stimulate the vegetation in which they hide."—Morning Post.

But we are glad to say that despite this expedient the "plant" did not flourish long.

"The German Catholic Deputy, Herr Erzberger, who took refuse in the Vatican... has hastily left Rome in secret."

Daily Record and Mail.

To prevent any repetition of the incident the Vatican authorities would be wise to put up a notice, "Rubbish may not be shot here."

"For years there was a prejudice in this country against ready-made clothes—in fact, that description is still disliked—but of course there is no reason why a man of 'stock size' should not be able to clad himself in this way."

The Observer.

Unless, of course, he has a prejudice against ready-made verbs.