Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/527
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June 2, 1915.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
433
Intensely patriotic Squire (mustering remnant of farm-hands). "Now, then, lads, pull yourselves together. Kitchener may extend the age limit yet."
THE SENSITIVE.
Sunday.
It's all over but the shouting. I have private information:
Berlin starving—horseflesh tickets—hungry millions pouring in,
Choking all the roads to Potsdam, singing hymns of execration,
"One foe ours, one only, Wilhelm"—Kaiser's rumoured abdication—
Seen disguised at Nish and Lisbon—midnight flight by Zeppelin.
Berlin starving—horseflesh tickets—hungry millions pouring in,
Choking all the roads to Potsdam, singing hymns of execration,
"One foe ours, one only, Wilhelm"—Kaiser's rumoured abdication—
Seen disguised at Nish and Lisbon—midnight flight by Zeppelin.
Monday.
No news? Never is. The papers fob us off with mere surmises,
Censor-shredded wireless canards, prophecies for next July;
"Nothing to report," they tell us, "but Le Figaro advises
Vict'ry everywhere impending." Fiction soothes till fact surprises,
And the truth will slip its shackles and awake us by-and-by.
Censor-shredded wireless canards, prophecies for next July;
"Nothing to report," they tell us, "but Le Figaro advises
Vict'ry everywhere impending." Fiction soothes till fact surprises,
And the truth will slip its shackles and awake us by-and-by.
Tuesday.
Heard the news? Then you'll acknowledge that my faith is vindicated;
I perceived the Grand Duke's purpose, grasped the subtle French design;
Let them squander their resources; patient, confident we waited
Till the tide had spent its fury; then, with vigour unabated,
We in turn assume the offensive. June will see us cross the Rhine.
I perceived the Grand Duke's purpose, grasped the subtle French design;
Let them squander their resources; patient, confident we waited
Till the tide had spent its fury; then, with vigour unabated,
We in turn assume the offensive. June will see us cross the Rhine.
Wednesday.
It was madness to attempt it. Irretrievable disaster!
Turkey claims six Super-Dreadnoughts sunk outside the Dardanelles;
Not a single land-fort damaged. Tirpitz chuckles, left the master
Of the U-swept British waters. Ill news follows fast and faster,
And—your ear!—I've secret knowledge, we have but a fortnight's shells.
Turkey claims six Super-Dreadnoughts sunk outside the Dardanelles;
Not a single land-fort damaged. Tirpitz chuckles, left the master
Of the U-swept British waters. Ill news follows fast and faster,
And—your ear!—I've secret knowledge, we have but a fortnight's shells.
Thursday.
Right is might and doubt's a traitor. Westward, through the mountain passes,
Rolls the Cossack wave, submerging all the wide Hungarian plain.
Culture, moribund, putrescent, voids its store of poison gases,
And the tattered Prussian eagle from Masurian morasses
Yelps "Gott strafe England," scuttling to the Vosges and back again.
Rolls the Cossack wave, submerging all the wide Hungarian plain.
Culture, moribund, putrescent, voids its store of poison gases,
And the tattered Prussian eagle from Masurian morasses
Yelps "Gott strafe England," scuttling to the Vosges and back again.
Friday.
I'm an optimist by nature, but the Censor cannot blind us
To our Navy's disappearance and the deadlock in the West.
Kitchener himself confesses that a decade hence may find us
Still in Flanders digging trenches. And the Stop-Press will remind us
"Ypres bombarded by the Germans. Our offensive in arrest."
To our Navy's disappearance and the deadlock in the West.
Kitchener himself confesses that a decade hence may find us
Still in Flanders digging trenches. And the Stop-Press will remind us
"Ypres bombarded by the Germans. Our offensive in arrest."
Saturday.
Best week's record since October, progress passing expectation—
Save my own; I never doubted we had but to strike to win.
"Patience, courage, calm assurance," that's the watchword for the nation.
Million Japs en route for Cracow; I have private information.
It's all over but the shouting and the quick-march to Berlin.
Save my own; I never doubted we had but to strike to win.
"Patience, courage, calm assurance," that's the watchword for the nation.
Million Japs en route for Cracow; I have private information.
It's all over but the shouting and the quick-march to Berlin.