Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/508

very well in his way. But what could he know of India who only India knew?

Business done.—In House of Lords K. of K. made interesting, cheering statement on progress of War. Summed up progress in the field during last few weeks. Has successfully taken the form of "a vigorous offensive" carried on by concerted plans between General Joffre and Sir John French. Delay in producing adequate supply of ammunition admitted. Confident that, "in very near future," position in this respect will be satisfactory. Announced reprisals in matter of use of poisonous gas; concluded by demand for additional 300,000 men.

Wednesday.—Talk about reconstruction of Ministry, noted yesterday, taken sudden turn. Definitely decided upon. Negotiations in progress with view to forming a Government recruited from Opposition camp. Oddly enough in course of speculation as to identity of new Ministers no mention made of names of any of the Members whose personal views have been conjectured above.

Business done.—Adjourned for Whitsun recess. Convenient interval for reconstructing Ministry.

Sexton (to young farmer who has called to arrange for the christening of his child). "Doantee bring 'e Toosday—Vicar be fishing o' Toosday."

Farmer. "Well, then, say Monday."

Sexton. "Noa—not Monday. Font'll be full o' minnows Monday."

"Parents are Warned to Prevent Children from Trespassing in Fields at Lochbank, Castle-Douglas, in search of Cowslips, as one of the Cows is Dangerous to Stranger."—Kirkcudbrightshire Advertiser.

"An Oddman for London, titled gent., 12s 6d wk., clean knives, &c.—Collins' Agency, Camb."—Cambridge Daily News.

In these hard times some of our needy aristocrats may be glad of the chance.

"Mr. Runciman, too, had said much the samnhtmgie oh oh antonio the in said much the same thing."—"The Times" of Ceylon.

It is pleasant to have the compositor's lightsome comment on his own blunder enshrined for us in print.

"The Tinks are now a beaten nation, they have very greatly sinned, and their pins will now have to he paid for in full."

The Planters & Commercial Gazette (Mauritius).

Tink! Tink! one can almost hear the pin-money dropping.

From a notice of Mr. Stephen Phillips' Armageddon:—

"There is a prologue and an epilogue, the scene of which is laid in Hell. I may mention that the language of Hell is blank verse."

Manchester Guardian.

Most appropriate: the blanks can be filled in according to taste.

A South Australian Correspondent sends us the subjoined paragraphs, and asks "which of these is the 'howler'?"

"GERMAN PIGS IN BELGIUM.

London, April 1.

The Daily Mail' war correspondent states that, owing to the shortage of fodder in Germany, nearly a million German pigs are billeted in Belgium."

The Adelaide Advertiser.

"FEEDING THE ENEMY.

London, April 1.

The London Daily Mail states that in consequence of the shortage of food in Germany nearly 1,000,000 German soldiers are billeted in Belgium."—The Adelaide Register.

We believe The Advertiser's version is correct, but The Register's was in the circumstances a venial error.