Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/459

Bored Officer (after reluctant visit). "Good-bye, Mrs. Jackson—enjoyed myself immensely."

Wife. "There—I told you so! I knew you'd enjoy yourself."

"Talking of tramp-jugglers," said I, if you would like to hear about a turn I saw the other day———"

"Go on," said the others.

"Well, he wandered on aimlessly at first, dragging a toy horse with a very stumpy tail and talking to himself. 'La, la, la,' he said. Then he went and leaned against a sofa in a most gallant attitude and talked to a lady friend. 'La, la, la' was still the burden of his talk. He didn't seem to notice that his legs were slipping from under him. Just as he was collapsing he grabbed at the lady's nose and the horse's tail, and came down in a glorious tangle."

"I know," said Lionel, chuckling.

"In the midst of the tangle he found a brightly-coloured picture-book and began reading it with a casual air. Then be threw the book away and fell over the horse on to a box of wooden bricks. He played with them lying flat on the ground. Then he stood up with one foot among the horse's legs and the other in the brick-box."

"Go on," said Lionel.

"He wandered off and returned in a second or two carrying a towel and a sponge and licking a piece of soap with evident enjoyment. He tripped over the towel and fell flat on his face still clinging to the sponge and licking the soap imperturbably. He opened a chocolate box lying on the floor, took out a chocolate, ate it and put the soap in its place. Then he scrubbed the floor with the sponge and rubbed it with the towel. He tried to put the sponge in the chocolate box. It wouldn't go in. He threw out all the chocolates, gave another lick to the soap, put the sponge in the box, tried to rattle it and threw it away."

"I can see it," cried Lionel, in ecstasy, "I can see it exactly."

"Once more he wandered off, first stumbling over the horse, and falling flat on the towel, and came back with two balls. He threw them on the floor. Then he brought two more. Then he brought a hair-brush. He brushed his hair the wrong way. He brushed his clothes. He put out his tongue, brushed that, and didn't like it. Then he picked up a ball and brushed its hair. Finally he used the brush to sweep the floor."

"After that he went round and slowly gathered the balls. Usually when he had got three he stumbled over the horse or the towel. He tried to make the horse eat one ball and he tried to put one in the chocolate box. Then he washed them with the sponge. At last he stood with all the four balls in his arms. And then———"

"And then," said Lionel, "there was some first-rate juggling. By Jove, I must see him for myself. Where is he on?"

"We shall always be pleased to see you," said I, "and I have no doubt you will enjoy an average ten minutes of the life of my first-born, aged sixteen months."

"The co-operation between the Fleet and the Navy was excellent."—The Scotsman.

Our contemporary does not mention it, but we hear on the highest authority that the Troops and the Army also worked together most harmoniously.

"General James Drain, of Washington, has wired to General Hughes, Minister of Militia:—'I glory in the magnificent brewery of the Canadians.'"—Wolverhampton Express and Star.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer is said to regret the wording of this tribute, as being calculated to prejudice the success of his attempt to cope with the drink question.