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362
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
May 12, 1915


FOR HOME AND BEAUTY.

Back from their mimic game of war
Against a bodiless foe,
Merry of heart and moist of pore
By Kingston Vale they go;
Gaily they swing, this eve of May,
Between the blossoms blown,
Column of route, in russet grey,
The Veteran "Devil's Own.'

And who are these that hustle by
Churning the tar and heat,
And throw a dull and curious eye
On men that use their feet—
On men that march in thirsty ranks,
Poor hopeless imbeciles,
When all but beggars, dogs and cranks
Career on rubber wheels?

These are the stout Hurst Park Brigade!
Home from the course they ride
From keeping up the noble trade
That swells the nation's pride;
For these our Army does its bit
While they in turn peruse
Death's honour-roll (should time permit)
After the Betting News.

What homage to these Kings of Sport
Should humble soldiers give?
Why even we, mere Inns of Court,
Who pay for leave to live
If William ever cross the wave,
Into the fight we'd spring,
And at our own expenses save
The Manhood of the Ring.
O. S.



UNWRITTEN LETTERS TO THE KAISER.

No. XXI.

(From Captain Helmut von Eisenstamm, at present confined in an Officers' Prison Camp in England.)

All Highest War Lord,—I trust your Majesty will not misinterpret my true feelings of devotion to your own person and to the cause of our Fatherland if, humble as I am, I venture to address these few lines to you. I am a prisoner of war, removed now for these many weeks both from the opportunity of serving my country and from the chance of incurring death or wounds on its behalf. We who are here are not unreasonably restrained. There is, of course, barbed wire, and there are many sentries, as is only natural; but we are allowed to arrange for ourselves such amusements as we can devise, both indoors and in the free air. We play at football, we have concerts and dramatic representations, we lecture to one another on subjects of interest, and the vigilance of those who guard us, though it is to the highest point careful, is never willingly oppressive. The food is good and plentiful. In short, I may say that we are treated with the consideration which is due from brave men to those who by bad luck have fallen into their hands.

That is the case not less with the German private soldiers who are permitted to wait upon us than with the naval and military officers, to the number of more than a hundred and fifty, who are confined here. The house is large and there are many rooms; the garden and the walks are in the simple English style; and when we go walking there we are not shut in by dark and frowning walls, but can look out over the pleasant country which lies beyond. The Commandant and his officers are not tyrants to us. Everything, indeed, is done to make our lot as tolerable to us as the hard circumstances permit. I have in my time said many harsh things of the English (and some of them are perhaps still true), but that they know how to treat misfortune without severity and how to behave as gentlemen—I use the English word—to enemies who are harmless and in distress, this I shall always henceforth affirm to the best of my ability in the face of those who in ignorance presume to deny it. Like Luther, here I stand; I cannot otherwise. I am sure it will give pleasure to your Majesty to hear that this is so, for you are the father of your people, and it would grieve your paternal heart if it were proved that anywhere even the least of your subjects was suffering under wrong or cruelty. Of these there is not, and never has been, the smallest trace.

Yet even with all possible mitigations how wretched is the fate of one who is a prisoner. He is in a foreign land, and is commanded by those who are foreigners and speak in a foreign tongue. He thinks of his own dear country and of those he loves. It is true that he might be dead had he not been taken, and that he would never have seen them again, whereas now he is in no danger; but this cannot console him. Somehow, indeed, it seems to him to be an aggravation of his lot, for he has not even the freedom now to offer his life. To add to the misfortunes and sufferings of such a man by unnecessary harshness or cruelty would be an inhuman wickedness, and it is impossible to conceive that any civilised nation could do this thing. To be sure it is stated in English newspapers which we are permitted to read (I do not find the permission a very valuable one) that English prisoners in Germany have been shamefully dealt with. It is said that they have been hooted and spat upon, that they were herded together in cattle-trucks filled with filth, and that in their prisons they are scarcely treated as human beings. Such charges I should look upon as necessarily untrue, but I know that war corrupts human nature in some miserable men, and I appeal to your Majesty, if there has anywhere been such conduct, to stamp upon it and punish it. You are all-powerful, and you have but to say the word. It would be a terrible thing for us Germans if, when the War is over, our soldiers dare not look one another in the face with frank honour because some scoundrels have wreaked their malice on unfortunate Englishmen, and have incurred no penalty for such a crime.

With inmost loyalty, von Eisenstamm.



TO THE POWERS OF DARKNESS.

Thrice potent lords who gag the Press's throttle
And chuckle at our human thirst for facts,
How long will ye hermetically bottle
The stirring tale of Tommy's glorious acts?
Be warned in time, lest all too late ye learn
The Lion, even as the worm, will turn!

Behold, a sign!—The "news" disseminated
By Teuton war-lords o'er the list'ning earth,
No longer by our sheets is relegated
To niches sacred to the god of mirth;
Those once-derided "facts' we now are shown
In strong and startling type beside our own!

Beware lest we, aroused to sheer unkindness,
And deeming that the dizziest of views
Are better, after all, than total blindness,
Should simply boycott you, and read no news
Unless it clearly shows itself to be
Made, or at least inspired, in Germany!