Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/435

Another snub for the All-Highest. The author of a book bearing the snappy title, What I saw in Berlin and Other European Capitals During War Time," mentions that in Bulgaria he found a man who had not heard of the Kaiser's War.

Much satisfaction has been caused in Germany by an instance, reported in the London press, of the spread of German culture in England. At one of our Police Courts, last week, a woman was charged with spitting at a police-constable. This method of signifying strong disapproval is, of course, practised by the best people in Germany.

It is stated that there are now over 150 Germans in Brixton Prison awaiting deportation as undesirables. They cannot, however, be returned to their homes until Peace is declared. Meanwhile, their indignation at the "Stop the War" movement of certain wrong-headed women can well be imagined.

By the way, we were pleased to see that Madame Juliette Adam, who is seventy-nine years old, wrote a most scathing reply to an invitation to take part in the Women's Peace Conference. It is just the old Adam which these foolish persons leave out of their calculations.

Anything that will raise a smile in these trying times is to be welcomed, and we desire to acknowledge our indebtedness to Die Welt for the following:—Clad in virtue and in peerless nobility of character, unassailable by insidious enemies either within or without, girded about by the benign influences of Kultur, the German, whether soldier or civilian, pursues his destined way, fearless and serene."

This intimation will, we feel sure, be keenly resented by our gallant Canadian officers.

A French soldier who, for gallantry in the field, was decorated and kissed by General Joffre, in an account of the proceeding says, "I cannot describe my sensation when I felt the heavy moustache of the General against my cheek." It was only iron discipline, we suspect, which prevented his crying, "Stop your tickling, Joffre!"

"The English soldier," says Herr Kaltenschnee, of the 6th Westphalians, "notwithstanding that he is possessed of nothing comparable either to the discipline or the military knowledge of the German, has always shown that he is a man, and a brave man to boot." He is also, of course, a safe man "to boot," when you have him maimed and a prisoner.

The man who described our gallant Tars in the Near East as "The Fruit Salts" went wrong in his anticipation. They didn't land at Enos after all.

The Daily Express publishes a photograph of a British soldier showing how his hair was parted by a German bullet. The shot, it is thought, must have been fired by a German barber.

The Weekly Dispatch has published a symposium entitled, "What strikes me most about the War." An officer at the Front says that, if he had been asked to contribute, his answer would have been "Shrapnel."

Dr. Sven Hedin's book on the War shows that this gentleman was ready to swallow any anti-English yarn that was offered him by the Germans. Possibly it was loyalty to his own calling that made him so peculiarly partial to travellers' tales.

"In Berlin," says Dr. Hedin, "I was greatly impressed by the worldwide influence of German thought." In Berlin, perhaps; but the centre of things is often a bad place for getting news of the circumference.

Statistics published by the Tramways Department of the L.C.C. show that there are more fatal accidents on Sundays than on any other day of the week. This looks as if the British Sunday is so dull that people will go to any lengths to get a little excitement.

One can picture the whole scene. The Force comes down the steps of a prohibited area and enters the kitchen. At that moment the cook hears her mistress's hand on the kitchen door-handle. As quick as lightning she throws her visitor into a tub of lard, where he lies hidden until the danger is past.

"All the real Quinneys," according to a paragraph in The Evening News, "are writing to Mr. Vachell to ask him how he came to choose their name for his new play at the Haymarket. Incidentally they ask for seats." Mr. Vachell is congratulating himself on not having called the play "Smiths'."

A seal was seen in the Thames near Richmond Bridge last week, and several gentlemen who, on catching sight of it, took the pledge, were more than annoyed on finding that the apparition had also been seen by teetotalers.

"Oh, that is far too frivolous. Aren't you bringing out any serious toys for the duration of the War?"

We learn from The North Wales Weekly News that the Colwyn Bay May-day Festivities, to take place to-day (Wednesday), will include the "Crowing of the May Queen":—