Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/337
I've tried it on, and, gracious!
Poor little me is almost lost
In latitude so spacious.
A couple round the centre,
"Berthe' says that's how they're wearing them―
No skimping would content her.
The mermaid sheath that showed a
Symmetric line from nape to feet
Is tout à fait démodé.
The art of keeping slender
May now put on a little weight,
Such scope the fashions lend her.
And struggle to grow thinner,
Because when we go out to dine
There'll be more room for dinner.
Mistress. "Afraid of the Zeppelins? Don't be stupid, Mary. The Master's going out after them."
NEW PAPERS.
[One noteworthy feature of War-time has been the production of a number of fresh journals. But it must not be supposed that they have all been issued on our side, and a glance at the announcements here following will prove that the same spirit of enterprise animates both enemy and neutral countries.]
LAND AND UNDER WATER.
Published by
Hohenzollern and Tirpitz.
All readers are invited to enrol as members of our Hate Club, in connection with which there is this week announced
A Simple Competition
in which valuable prizes are offered for the best new terms of abuse for application to England.
THE AUSTRIAN ECHO.
Edited by Francis-Joseph Hapsburg.
Berlin private wire.
Special Notice.―The Proprietors of the above Journal beg to intimate that their Przemysl Branch Office has been closed until further notice.
THE CRESCENT MOON.
A Monthly Revue, edited by
Enver Bey.
The Magazine of the Constantinople Smart Set.
"In and Out of Town" is a regular feature, read by all wishing to know the movements of Stamboul Society.
Special Notice.―The Advertisement Manager would respectfully point out to House Agents having desirable seraglios to let in Asia Minor that a Unique Opportunity offers.
ROME CHAT.
The only Paper Read throughout Europe.
Published weekly in Neutral–tinted Wrapper at No. 1 Via Media, Rome.
THE TRANSATLANTIC SPECTATOR.
A pro-British-German-American Review.
Edited by Professor Woodrow Wilson and published weekly at The White House (semi-detached). Washington.
"The authorities in Rochdale have up to the present declined to restrict the hours during which licensed houses are open, though on several occasions they have been urged to take this step by temperature organisations and other people, but the matter has now been taken out of their hands."―Rochdale Times.
The temperature organizations will now perhaps turn their attention to the weather, which always wants somebody to look after it.
"London, March 4.―Discussing the fall in London of flour prices, Mark Lane, the noted merchant, said yesterday:―'Every shot fired in the Dardanelles is a shot fired into the Chicago wheat pit.'"
Los Angeles Daily Times.
This may be Mark's opinion, but we should like to hear what his equally noted brother, Mincing, has to say about it.