Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/325
A CHIMNEY-SWEEP FOR ENGLAND.
God bless 'ein, in the khaki line,
And I'd be in the thick of it,
With ten years off this back o' mine.
What's little cash and plenty black,
And kept me there, but still she's paid
Summat I'd die to give her back.
To let me fool I didn't shirk―
Some job as younger men could spare
For my two hands to grip and work.
Of luck at last. I've cleaned to-day
The chimneys at a house where folk
From Belgium's being asked to stay.
A lady got up off her knees―
She'd been a scrubbing―wants to know
How much I'm charging for it, please.
I'm charging nothing, Ma'am," says I;
"My hands was plaguing me afore
To let 'em work or tell 'em why.
Don't you forget as I'm the man
As wants a chance that lets him keep
On doing summat as he can."
A lady, her, and no mistake―
But smiled and held her hand and then,
Sooty or not, I had to shake.
Was all she said. I stepped out where
The kids was playing, sky was blue―
And me no cheat to see 'em tbere.
Head of Firm. "Come in, Sir. All my staff's enlisted. I'm office boy for the moment. If you'll tell me your bisuness I'll communicate with myself and let you know immediately whether I'm free to see you."
P———.
Among the advantages which we expected to result from the capture of a certain fortress in Galicia was a change of its name to something more easily pronounceable by British lips. Our hopes were a little dashed when we read in The Star:―
"The correspondent of The Daily News in Petrograd makes the interesting announcement that in future Przemysl will be known by its old Russian name of Przemysl."
On turning to The Daily News itself we were comforted by reading that the fortress "now resumes its old Russian name of Permysl," but were against thrown into some perplexity by learning on the same authority that the Archduke Friedrich had sent "greetings and thanks to the unconquered heroes of Permsyl." The spelling, however, is a comparatively trifling matter. The really crucial question is the pronunciation. The Daily News says, Prushemizel―the first syllable is very short"; but The Daily Express, in ppp tones, remarks, "Please pronounce it as Pschemeezel." From the newspaper authorities we then turned to the experts. Mr. Sydney Whitman boldly writes in The Evening News:―
"The true Slavonic pronunciation of Przemysl is 'Priz-ee-missile,' pronouncing these syllables in the way we pronounce 'quiz,' 'ea' and a 'missile'―a cannon-ball."
This seemed almost too simple to be true; so, seeing that Mr. Hilaire Belloc had been lecturing in Glasgow, we eagerly perused the report in The Glasgow Evening Times, hoping to come upon a really authorative utterance. Alas! for once Mr. Belloc failed to have the courage of his opinions, for this is what we read:―
"Mr. Belloc... pronounced it emisil,' though he cautiously gave no guarantee of correctness."
The great oracle having failed to give a certain sound, we were almost in despair. But rescue came from an unexpected quarter. "Our milkman," writes a correspondent in North London, "told us yesterday of the great Russian victory of Prymrosill." Light at last! A star has fallen from the Milky Way.
"While the capture of Memel, with its shipbuilding yards, manufactories of cement, fortifications, garrison and buns is regarded as unimportant from the strategic standpoint, it is recognised that it will have a great moral effect upon German opinion."―Star.
We understand now why the Germans were no determined to recapture it.