Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/319
skid first. Bailey carelessly did the "splits" in front of a taxi and got his skis run over. I have launched an action against the motorist who got my right ski mixed up with the spokes of his off back wheel. He oughtn't to have come so close just as I was getting up from a lying-down position.
Before we were really used to the business the Corporation men got away with the best part of the snow and we had to adjourn to Hampstead Heath.
We lost three more men on the Heath, as the snow wouldn't lie evenly on the slopy bits. I hadn't much sympathy for one man who would go down the hills backwards. I told him that he was sure to bump the back of his face.
Those of us who took train to Derbyshire found some good snow and got some useful experience. We mightn't have had so many serious accidents if I had kept them to extended order drill. They confused battalion drill with company drill. When I ordered them to "form section" they usually "formed mass," and the subsequent sorting wasted a lot of time. Our professor of mathematics confused the order up with conic sections and spent his time describing parabolas. Higgs went back at the end of the first day in anger because we refused to waste the whole afternoon looking for half-a-sovereign which he said he had lost in the snow.
We found our rifles a nuisance, and Bailey and Holroyd nearly came to blows. Holroyd declared that Bailey had wantonly tried to bite off the foresight of his rifle so as to prevent his winning the shooting trophy. Bailey was most unfortunate. He seemed to go out of his way to get hurt. It's quite an acrobatic feat to get the point of one's ski in one's own eye, but Bailey managed it. I never could get the section to lie down simultaneously; nor could we find any satisfactory method of keeping in touch with our rifles or concealing our legs and skis from the enemy.
As soon as I found out how rusty other men's rifles got I wasn't so upset at having overlooked mine in the snow.
When the thaw set in the four of us who were still out of hospital decided not to volunteer for service with the Alpine Chasseurs but to stick to Home Defence. We have arranged to suspend operations until we get some recruits to fill up the vacancies. Ski-ing isn't as simple as it looks in the pictures; there's always the chance that a damp cartridge won't go off.
I may have more to say on the subject when we begin manoeuvring with fixed bayonets.
THE REFINING INFLUENCE OF WAR.
The Victor. "Now, I s'pose I got to give you first aid."
Another Dog of War.
"With her wounded bull hound in collision mats... she remained afloat and was safely guided into drydock."
Montreal Daily Star.
This hitherto unrecorded casualty will be read with sympathy by his brethren of "the bull-dog breed."
A Generous Administration.
"PERTH, Sunday
Some time ago members of the Scaddan Ministry mutually agreed among themselves to give at least 0 per cent. of their salaries to the War Distress Fund.
Payments of the kind were kept up for some time, but lately they have ceased. The matter is now the theme of general comment."
Sydney Morning Herald.
If this statement is accurate―which we take leave to doubt―the West Australian Ministers would appear to have acted upon the time-honoured principle―"What I gives is nothing to nobody."
Our Veterans.
"St. James's Palace, where Lord Kitchener is now settled, has not been used as his Royal residence since the time of George IV....
Vice-Admiral Carden, who is in command of the fleet at the Dardanelles, has been in the navy since 1807!"―Lurgan Mail.
Lord Kitchener seems to have the advantage in rank (being apparently of Royal blood), but Admiral Carden beats him by several years in seniority.
"Let nobody say to himself, 'Among the untold millions of money our Anna's 100 marks do not count.' Rather let everybody consider how many Annas there are in the German Empire with a hundred or several hundred marks. All these hundred marks together make several millions. If every Hausfrau were to think 'Our Anna's 100 marks do not matter,' all these millions would lie unused."
North German Gazette.
We understand that in India 16 Annas go to a Rupee. How many will Germany require to cover the War Loan?