Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/291

If proof were needed that Turkey knows that she will have to quit Europe very shortly, it is to be found in the we presume if port that she is now offering territorial concessions to Bulgaria.

A telegram from Panama states that the crews of two barques sunk by the Prinz Eitel Friedrich in the Pacific were landed on Easter Island and abandoned. This procedure is quite "correct." All the best pirates used to go in for marooning.

Among the new summer fabrics is a cotton material known as "Joffre"; and we hear that a muslin which is very easily seen through is to have the sobriquet of "Bernstorff."

Says the Vorwärts:—"Loud are the complaints among the Berlin population about the quantity of sand which they are finding in tho municipal potato supply. For these complaints there seems to be but too much ground." "Too much ground" is distinctly good.

"Fleet Street," said The Daily News recently, "was all agog yesterday with the news that a Sunday newspaper was to be published next Sunday." One can even better imagine the excitement there would have been if its publication had been announced for a Monday!

Owing to the scarcity of male labour many women, it is said, are learning to become drivers of motor-vans. Some of them are taking it up so thoroughly that they are reported to be also receiving lessons in the art of repartee and other forms of road-language useful in case of collisions.

The fish market is said to be suffering from the prevalence of submarines; and patriotic fish are invited to migrate to our rivers, where, they may be caught in comfort.

In a shop window, the other day, we came across a card on which were exhibited a number of "Patriotic Buttons." All must surely be well with the nation when even its buttons are so loyal.

Sir Laurence Gomme, on his retirement as Clerk to the London County Council, has been appointed honorary adviser to the Council on antiquarian matters. The tramway system will, we presume, now come within his purview.

The Alhambra Theatre recently offered a prize for the best name for its new Revue. This appeal to the great public for help would seem to have been justified. The witty title, "5064 Gerrard," has been adopted.

Mr. Charles Gulliver is presenting at the Palladium a new Revue entitled "Passing Events." That he has not called it "Gulliver's Travails" does credit to his modesty.

It is announced that on and after the 29th inst. the B———y* Tower at the Tower of London will be open to the public. [*Excision by Censor Morum.]

Importunate Pedlar (who has had door slammed in his face). "Gawd punish 26!"

Still, we do not care for them in the dark shades which are in vogue at the present time.

"A.B. Seaman George ———, of H. M. S. Zulu, had a brief furlough last week end at his father's home. His ship has been on patrol duty, and he had slept in his hammock since August, a proof of the ever watchfulness our Navy."—Lancaster Guardians.

In accordance with the traditions of the Service, George of course slept all that time with one eye open.

Having sprinkled our entrenched soldiers in the West with flaming petrol, the Germans are now, according to a Petrograd report, squirting boiling pitch over our Russian allies. Another instance of the Kaiser's well-known piety: "Let us spray."

Letter from a gunner, printed in The Evening News:—

On the strength of the above statement the Kaiser will doubtless redouble his efforts to break through the British lines, knowing that our gunners are, on their own confession, now fed up with "firing."

The Cleveland Plain Dealer (Ohio) tells us of the invention of a bullet whose head has a cavity for holding phosphorus. It is designed for dealing with Zeppelins. But its utility would seem to go further than that. "When the rifle is fired," says The Cleveland Plain Dealer (Ohio), "the bosphorus is ignited by the discharge." We commend it for use in the Constantinople campaign.

We do not like the word "flattening." It suggests the Steam Roller, a term of endearment to which our Allies have objected.

According to the other Phœnix, the proper way is to roast the hens.

Reply received (on a postcard)—"Why not kill Germans instead?"