Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/280

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
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OUR VOLUNTEER RESERVE.

Admiring Wife (who has been to watch her husband's corps drill in uniform for the first time). "I thought you all looked splendid, dear. There's just one thing I should like to suggest; and that is that you all wear socks to match your puttees."



RACING AND WAR.

Notable Protests.

Mr. George Lambton's eloquent plea on behalf of the trainers in last Wednesday's Times has brought us a great budget of letters in support of his views, from which we select the following:—

An Illuminating Comparison.

Sir,—Mr. Lambton has not in my opinion made enough of the appalling fact that no fewer than 174 trainers are likely to suffer seriously from any attempt to close down horse-racing. Have any of your readers taken the trouble to work out these figures? I have done so, and may point out that they represent something like one in 1,000 of our total casualties up to date, or one-tenth per cent. Comment is needless.

I am, Sir, Yours faithfully,
Arithmeticus.

The Blameless "Bookie."

Dear Sir,—Mr. Lambton's letter is excellent so far as it goes, but it does not go anywhere near far enough. He speaks of the hardships of trainers, but he says nothing of the terrible privations likely to be inflicted on other classes of industrious and highly intelligent citizens. For example, I was recently informed by a Metropolitan magistrate that in the neighbourhood of Clapham Junction there exists a huge colony of bookmakers, who have chosen that neighbourhood because of its central position and facilities for communication. This fact indicates not only intelligence but a certain capacity for self-sacrifice, since no one would live near Clapham Junction for the amenities of the landscape. These men, as I have said, are to be reckoned not in scores, like trainers, but in thousands. They are extraordinarily interesting as types of a high civilisation, and as for their manners and conversation I can confidently appeal to those who have travelled in the train with them for confirmation of my estimate. To their liberality I can testify from personal experience. With my own eyes I saw one of them disburse a sovereign to a total stranger who had correctly "spotted" the knave in the three-card trick. Personally I was less fortunate, but that may have been due to my shortsightedness, which is hereditary in our family.

I am, Sir, Yours faithfully,
Oxford M.A.

More Victims of Puritanism.

Dear Sir,—Permit me to add to Mr. Lambton's list three other meritorious callings for which the discontinuance of our great race meetings would spell disaster:—(1) The makers of that particular form of luncheon-basket which is de rigueur at these gatherings; (2) the makers of champagne-bottle openers; (3) the manufacturers of that unique type of top hat worn by the "bookies." As the result of a careful investigation I have come to the conclusion that the course which a few fanatics are seeking to impose on the nation would affect at least fifty-four persons employed in these trades. And what of the brave fellows whose special function it is at these meetings to discover suitable horse- or duck-ponds in which to immerse "Welshers"? It would be indeed a lasting disgrace if they were to find their occupation gone.

Yours faithfully,
Philanthropist.



German "Official."

"Near Rava we repulsed two Russian night attacks. Russian attacks from the district of Novemiasto were unsuccessful. There we captured -,005 prisoners."—Star.

We presume this means .005. If they can't decimate the Russians they decimalize them.


"For Sale, Bull Calf, a toper.—Ross's Hotel yard, Parkgate Street."—Irish Times.

Sad, in one so young. The proximity of the hotel bar no doubt accounts for it.