Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/271

Germany has such a poor reputation for generosity that it seems only fair to point out that she is in favour of a certain portion of Austro-Hungarian territory being given to Italy.

"The bravest man in London," says The Weekly Dispatch, "is the barber in Wardour Street, who keeps on his window the inscription 'Man sprecht [sic] Deutsch.' This paragraph is headed "Does he know it?" If "it" refers to German, the answer is obviously in the negative.

It is said that, if things don't soon go better with them, the Germans threaten to say, "God punish England!" not only on meeting but also on parting. For the present this weapon is held in reserve.

The other day, The Observer reminds us, the Germans were claiming that they were, "the Lords of the Under-Water." If this claim fails, there is always the relatively easy role of Prince of the Under-World.

To induce the people of the Berlin suburb of Treptow to part with their gold for the benefit of the German Imperial Bank they are promised, The Express tells us, not only war bonds in exchange, but also a free ticket to view the heavens through the great telescope of the Observatory. This should be their best way of discovering their place in the sun.

The Turks, a Dardanelles correspondent tells us, cannot understand at all why we should want to silence their guns. The noise from ours, they complain, is a much greater nuisance.

The New York Sun says that there are admiring Germans in New York who insist that, when Kaiser William has won the War, one of his first appreciative acts will be to summon Mr. Herman Ridder, the well-known pro-German propagandist, to Berlin, to make him a Prince. If Mr. Ridder will take our advice he will be content with a lessor honour so long as he gets it at once.

With reference to the recent dropping of shells by French aircraft on the Rottweil Powder Factory, The Daily News, quoting an Official Note, says "Rottweil is on the Nectar." Here, then, we have a pretty instance of history repeating itself, for did not Tennyson, in The Lotus Eaters, write:―

Says Wehr und Waffen:—"Our enemies the English and the French are fond of setting up some figure of the hour on a pedestal to worship it as a hero. We Germans are not hero worshippers; among us there are no heroes, for the simple reason that the entire German nation is a nation of heroes." By the same reasoning there are no liars in the German War Office.

Ariel, which rammed and sank the submarine U 12, belongs to what is known as the "I" class of destroyers. "I," she said in effect, "am better than 'U.'"

We are glad to see that a delinquent has been sent to prison for obtaining money by fraud from money-lenders. A man who would not shrink from taking advantage of the helpless and innocent is a disgrace to his country.

The Peaceful One. "But think. The Kaiser may be quite a nice man and beloved by his family———"

The Old 'Un. "Ay, may be. But he's got a darned bad name about these parts!"

"The fitting up of Donington Hall for German officers taken as prisoners of war was explained to the House of Commons yesterday by Mr. Tennant. He said that two bats were installed in one room."―Daily Mail.

No one will cavil at this delicate hint that up to now certain German officers have not been playing cricket.

"Over the hill and away up into the illimitable nadir the great sword of the questing searchlight flashes."

"Daily News" Correspondent.

And then, we suppose, it does a dive into the unfathomable zenith.

"'In drawing a picture of Germany as she is,' wrote Martin Luther in 1528, 'one should represent her in the form of a sow. We Germans are Germans, and Germans we will remain―that is to say, pigs and brutish animals.'"

"The Frankfurter Zeitung reports that the Fedoral Council will shortly order a census of pigs to be taken throughout the German Empire."―Manchester Evening News.

We hope the War Office will take a hint from "Albert Flasher, Sec., Crack Kinemas, Ld.," and just ask what they want of the Kaiser, for surely he will be as obliging as Von Tirpitz, who supplied the submarine off Dover the very day after Albert Flasher wrote to him in a letter printed on page 175, Punch, March 3rd.

"German and German are favoured with instructions from Mr. John Bull, who is declining farming, to Sell by Auction, on Thursday, March 18th, 1915, the whole of his Live and Dead Farming Stock."

Nottingham Guardian.

This looks like the end of all things―John Bull in the hands of the Germans and giving up agriculture. We hasten to reassure our readers by informing them that this Mr. Bull is a real person, and not the top-booted embodiment of England, and that Messrs. German and German are a highly respectable firm of genuine auctioneers, who would "knock down" the Kaiser as soon as look at him.

"The return of Signor Salandra to Rome was a kind of triumphal procession, at each station cheers being raised. One person cried, 'Viva la Italy.' Signor Salandra, from the window of the carriage, retorted, 'No, friends, cry with me "Viva Italy."' The retort was enthusiastically received by the crowd."

Manchester Evening Chronicle.

It is now the turn of one of our Statesmen to shout, "Three cheers for Inghilterra."

"On Friday the whole of the 5th Welsh Reserve from Haverfordwest, under Colonel James and other officers, had a route march, reaching Fishguard at 4.30 after an exhilarating four hours' walk. The hostility of the town was on thoroughly generous lines. On Saturday morning the regiment formed up in the Square, the band playing lively airs. Three hearty cheers, led by Colonel James, were given for Fishguard hostility."

Pembroke Gazette.