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194

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

March 10, 1915

the price had been increased by 1s. 9d. a pair."

Business done.—Consolidated Fund Bill read a second time. Army Annual Bill passed.

WHAT THE WAR OFFICE HAS TO PUT UP WITH FROM INVENTORS.

1. The bomb-catcher.

A Study in Pronunciation.

A correspondent kindly sends us a page from the "English-Flemish Military Guide for the present campaign." Under the heading "How to Prounonce (sic) some vowels" is the following direction:—

"UI as giving to the first e in eye the sound of a in pluck."

This seems sufficient to explain why our Army swore so terribly in Flanders.

A Miltonian Lay.

"Mrs. Milton Henn can supply twice weekly in Limerick; new laid buttered eggs—1/6 a dozen."—Limerick Chronicle.

From a Variety programme:—

{{blockquote| "Mammoth Beauty Chorus of over 70."

Still they must be quite young for mammoths.

The Decline of a German Verb.

I hate,	We hate
Thou hatest,	US,
He hates,	They hate.

GOD'S AFFLICTED.

[A Tribute to the Kaiser's Agents in British India, who have added to the gaiety of Nations.]

There lived a man in Germanie
(Hey! Ho! The Goth and the Hun)
Who said, "These British wax too free;
By air and water, land and sea
They now shall be outdone.
'Tis ours to lift their tyrant yoke
From off all God-respecting folk;
In a word, to undermine their Empire."
Thus was the game begun.

So he sent his word to the Elder Folk
(Sing hey! for India's coral strand),
And they heard the things his hirelings spoke
As those who list to a tasteless joke—
But they let him show his hand.
And some waxed merry and soon forgot,
And many were they who heard him not,
But most said, "This is a God's Afflicted:
There let the matter stand."

But some sat down by the village well
(Sixteen annas make one rupee)
Reasoning thus—"There are tales to sell;
They are not true, but who will tell?
What shall the story be?
Rice and toddy are cruelly dear;
Can there be no sedition here?
This Creature pays for talk of mutiny
Set the invention free."

There were three poor men of Chatnampore
(And Chatnampore is but the least),
But these three men are poor no more
For one has bought himself land galore
And one had a wedding feast.
When rents were heavy and rains delayed,
They lied—and God's Afflicted paid,
And the wife of the third has now gold earrings;
Greatly are all increased.

The cloud has broken, the song is sung
(Hey! Ho! for the lies they told),
For the man of Germanie was young
And like to a colt by the gadfly stung,
While they of the East are old.
But some there are whose wealth has sped,
Who rend the beard and shave the head
For the dear dead days of God's Afflicted,
Whose madness turned to gold.