Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/260
Fritz Goldenstein (who, though of Teutonic extraction, has joined the force for home defence, addressing his steed for the first time). "Now―commence!"
A BARD OF THE BASEMENT.
[A contemporary informs us that the Secretary of the Poetry Society considers that much more interest is taken in poetry now than in peace time, and instances the case of a cook who was found in her kitchen busily writing a poem on the War.]
Our former treasure, Bridget, courts the Muse;
Of Jellicoe (while jelly coalesces)
She hymns the praise, and over Irish stews
Commemorates, in rather rocky metre,
The Dublin Fusiliers' intrepid deeds,
Deaf to the call of martyrs who entreat her
To minister to their internal needs.
Possesses little charm indeed to-day;
In rugged stanzas, baffling comprehension,
She crowns with laurels silent "K. of K";
Stagnant the soup and greasy grows the gravy;
She lauds the "Buffs" regardless of the greens,
Or girds with caustic pen at Wilhelm's Navy,
Spurning the spuds to give Von Tirpitz beans.
Nor grudge the loss of many a toothsome dish,
We mourn the halcyon days ere thoughts of Fisher
Engrossed her, to the detriment of fish;
Yet, when the steak is tough, the pie-crust leaden,
We voice no plaint; we do not even frown;
Knowing her mind intent on Armageddon,
We simply have to take it lying down.
WHAT WE HAVE LOST.
Dear Mr. Punch,―I don't know if you have noticed what Professor Schroer, of Cologne, has been saying about you, but even at the risk of causing you pain I feel I ought to draw your attention to the unfortunate impression you have created out there. The nastiest knock is when he says that your cartoons "lack modest refinement." I am only raking up this unpleasant story because the Professor fortunately explains the reason why have we have got so far astray. It seems that we "have lost the good old Low German sense of humour which Englishmen inherited from their German ancestors."
Now, Sir, this is a time to examine ourselves, and, if that be true, should we not enquire whether we have not also lost other of our national characteristics which have reached us from the same source? At least let us see to it that we do not lose our love of sportsmanship, our custom of speaking the truth, our humane conception of warfare, or any of those other excellent qualities which we have as obviously inherited from our "German ancestors."
I am,
Yours faithfully,
Patriot.
Contempt of Court?
"Mr. W. P. Hodgson (Vallazzi the Juggler) leaving the Law Courts, where it was said he threw eggs while flying in an aeroplane."
Daily Mirror.
The Patriotic Spirit.
Host (looking through wine list) to guest: "Well, what will you drink―red, white or blue?"