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mission pocketed by fortunate contractor will exceed £35,000, three years' salary of a Lord Chancellor or the salary of six Prime Ministers. (To be accurate, he should have said seven). Arthur Markham, who speaks as one having authority, not as a member of the Board of Works, mentioned that in his business as a coal-owner he bought timber to the amount of £100,000 a year, paying his agent £500 a year. Dalziel, who has keen scent for a job, hinted at others of similar character that would presently be dealt with.

Financial Secretary to War Office attempted to dispose of awkward business by curt assurance that he was perfectly satisfied with the affair. Frederick Handel Booth reminded him that subject had not been raised "in order that one might be fobbed off like that on a foggy evening."

Matter looking serious, Beck put up on behalf of Board of Works to invite any business men in the House who cared to call at the Works Office to consider details of the transaction which would be open for their inspection. Frederick Handel knew the sort of man for the job.

"I'll go," he shouted.

There for a moment matter rests.

Business done.—Vote on Account of Civil Service Estimates agreed to.

Tramp (detailing his day's work). "Yes, an' when I told 'er that besides bein' too old for the army me 'eart was weak, she sez, 'Well, can yer knit?'"

[It is not surprising that the submarine activities of the German Navy have led to the German Admiralty receiving a-large number of communications.]

Dear Sir,—I have read in the newspapers that in submarine ships your men can go under water for several hours. I wish you would be kind enough to let me know how they manage to hold their breath all that time, as I remember that, when younger and given to sea bathing, I could only hold nine for ten or twelve seconds at the most.

Yours sincerely,
(Miss) Prudence Piffle.

Dear Sir,—Your chaps don't seem to realise that what they are doing only helps to increase recruiting over here. Take my own case. I may have been a bit slow in doing what I am going to do now, but I've finally made up my mind to rough it as others are roughing it. So mark this! If you persist in murdering non-combatants on the high seas, as sure as I'm twenty-five next 1st of April, I'll make my man enlist.

Yours,
Adolphus Fitz.

Dear Sir,—I am requested by the committee of the above society to write to you. Doubtless the loss of human life caused by the sinking of a submarine is very regrettable, but just as sad is the death, consequent upon the loss of the vessel, of the white mice always carried. Will you kindly state, therefore, what arrangements you have made or are making for safeguarding the lives of the white mice on your submarines? If no such arrangements have been made we should be prepared to promote a fund for providing them with life-belts.

Yours faithfully,
(For the P.P.S.)
James Smoother, Hon. Sec.

Dear Sir,—Please quote lowest terms for sending submarine to be sunk by British warship or merchantman outside Dover harbour for kinematograph purposes. Would arrange to rescue your crew immediately your vessel was struck. I believe that British Admiralty will on its part be perfectly willing to oblige, so trust you will do same.

Yours faithfully,
Albert Flasher, Sec.

"TO-DAY'S NOTABLE DICTA.

A soberer British Army never took the field.—Rev. W. Beveridge."

Glasgow Citizen.

Obviously an authority.

"We do not know how they are taking to the new Government rations, and we advise readers to accept with caution reports of internal disturbances received through roundabout channels."—Times.

Perhaps a rather too Johnsonian phrase for indigestion.