Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/207

It is officially announced from Königsberg that the East Prussian district of Sensburg, Insterburg, and Heydekrug is now reopened for the return of East Prussian fugitives. Some of the less sanguine of them are reported to be taking season tickets.

The leader of the National Liberal Party in the Prussian Diet, speaking on the subject of the invasion, said that the Russians had proved to be not a civilised European nation, but half Asiatic. The modern Huns, on the other hand, have proved to be not an Asiatic nation, but a half-civilised European one.

"If," says the Kölnische Zeitung, "we are to breast the terrific wave of economic depression that threatens to overwhelm the Fatherland, we must eat not only differently but loss." Those who have seen Germans eating will agree that there is ample scope for reform in their methods.

The Deutsche Tageszeitung, in an article on the great food question, cautions its readers against the use of starch in their washing. There can, of course, be no doubt that one of the most objectionable features of, anyhow, the German official classes, is the amount of starch which has entered into their composition.

Reuter informs us that a Turkish paper, in its account of the fighting at Korna, calls the British vessels "gum- boats." Presumably because they know how to stick it.

Viscount Bryce, in a lecture at King's College, gave currency to a theory that King David had German blood in his veins. The idea has been welcomed in Germany, where the hope is expressed that the distinguished monarch will in future be referred to as Kaiser David.

We do hope that Liverpool is not finding the influence of Germany irresistible, but frankly the Teutonic construction of the following sentence in The Liverpool Echo frightens us: "A large firm of motor manufacturers operating until its fall at Antwerp has decided to immediately at Letchworth Garden City recommence operations."

Aberdeen firms of herring exporters have been told by the Admiralty that they may send cured herrings to Petrograd, via Norway, if proof is supplied later that the consignments have reached Russia. A cautious Irishman suggests that the proof ought to be supplied before the fish leave Aberdeen.

The War Office has refused to accept the view of the Birmingham Chamber of Commerce that Horace Gee, of Redditch, is indispensable to the boot trade, and he is to remain in the Army. In Germany, we suspect, this will be taken to show that our Army is suffering from a shortage of remounts.

The newspapers are telling us of a certain young private at the Front who has the most marvellous capacity for sleeping at any time, even under shell fire. The explanation, no doubt, is that, when at home, his bedroom faced a motor-bus route.

A Sheffield invention now makes it possible, we are told, to produce stainless knives. It is thought that there will be a large demand for these among intending murderers.

From Melbourne comes the news that the export of leather to Great Britain has now been permitted by the Minister of Trade and Customs. There is, of course, an unwritten understanding that it shall be used for giving the Germans a hiding.

The Ritz and Carlton Hotels advertise that their stuffs now consist solely of British, French, "and other neutral subjects." This insinuation that our country and France are indifferent to the War will, we feel sure, be resented, and the Ritz and Carlton Hotels had better try again.

Youngster (who has just related tall war-story). "I know it's true, 'cos Basil said so, and his father's at the War Office, where they make all the newspapers."

Prince Joachim the youngest son of the Kaiser who has been suffering from dysentery and influenza has undergone a fortnight's cure at Baden and Baden is now convalescent."―Indian Daily Telegraph.

Not every town visited by a Hohenzollern Prince gets off so easily.

"Anton Lang, the peasant who took the part of Christus in the last Oberammergan play, has joined the new corps of soldiers on skis which the Germans have formed to fight the French in the Vosges."

Daily Express.

"Anton Lang, the peasant who played the part of Christus in the Last Ober-Ammergau passion play, is now fighting on skis for France in the Vosges."―Daily Sketch.

We gather that Lang is in demand as a ski-pilot, but is very properly making an effort to preserve his neutrality.

"We have tested the battle cruisers' buns against the Dardanelles forts at long range."

Dublin Evening Mail.

On the homoeopathic principle, no doubt. The currents of the Dardanelles are notoriously dangerous.

The bomb buried itself in the garden of a house in Butt-road. The furniture in the back room of the house was smashed, and the widows of six neighbouring houses were shattered."―Bournemouth Daily Echo.

Shattered, but not killed, for the notice is headed "No Lives Lost." In Colchester the widows are as tough as the babies.

Disappointed backers are almost bound to use language sometimes.