Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/20

We hear from Buckingham Palace that, while King George cannot undertake to keep the Kaiser's Christmas dinner hot for him, he will certainly do his best to cook his goose.

As a homoeopathic remedy for Huns and other highwaymen, our French Allies recommend Turpinite.

It is realised now that it was a mistake to place the Palace of Peace in the Bosch at The Hague. The idea of entrusting Peace to the tender care of a "Bosch" makes one tremble.

A patriotic British publisher is said to be about to place on the market a German Dictionary in English only.

The Kaiser, it is reported, has laid a wreath on the tomb of the Brothers Grimm—the fathers of the German Fairy Tale, so popular a feature in the Press of the Fatherland.

An unburstable inner tube for motorcar tyres has been invented. Would it, we wonder, be possible for the idea to be extended to little boys at Christmas time?

Every Christmas Day the Fire Brigade receives an abnormal number of calls. It cannot be too widely known that persons who ring up the Brigade merely because the fire round their Christmas pudding is spreading and threatens to consume the whole of it are liable to a heavy fine.

There is again a strong rumour that a pen has been invented which will always spell correctly. Its ingenious mechanism absolutely prevents its users making a mistake in orthography, and only last week a small boy who wished to spell "Kaiser" "Kayser," nearly had his wrist broken.

The idea of teaching children to be ambidextrous is to be extended. It is now proposed that the rising generation shall be trained to walk on their hands as well as on their feet. One great advantage of this would be that on a muddy day they could keep their boots clean.

"No," said Lady Deerleigh, "owing to the War, I shall not be entertaining this year." Many a true jest has been said in earnest.

Ostrich feathers being one of the luxuries which are now almost unsaleable, "Animal Lover" writes to suggest that it would be a humane act on the part of the merchants to return them to South Africa to be put back.

She. "No, I won't have it. I don't like the look of it."

Hawker. "No, and yer wouldn't like the look of yerself, Missus, if you'd been chivvied abaht by submarines ever since the war started."