Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/156
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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
February 10, 1915
Village Constable (to the Vicar, who has been hurrying to fetch fire engine). "So you 'ouse is afire, is it? Ah! I've bin a-watchin' that light. Didn't expect to run into me, did you? 'Ow'm I to know you bain't signallin' to Germany?"
JOHNSON.
When the task of training scholars Johnson manfully essayed
At a school whose Eton collars were the finest ever made,
It was largely lack of dollars drove him to the teaching trade.
At a school whose Eton collars were the finest ever made,
It was largely lack of dollars drove him to the teaching trade.
Nature meant, had Fate allowed, him to command a t.b.d.,
Both his parents gladly vowed him to the service of the sea,
But the Navy doctors ploughed him for some itis of the knee.
Both his parents gladly vowed him to the service of the sea,
But the Navy doctors ploughed him for some itis of the knee.
Yet, in spite of this embargo, he had spent each Oxford vac.
In a tramp as supercargo or on board a fishing-smack,
Till of sailors' lore and argot he was full as he could pack.
In a tramp as supercargo or on board a fishing-smack,
Till of sailors' lore and argot he was full as he could pack.
In the sphere of gerund-grinding Johnson wasn't a success;
Boys are overprone to finding fault with masters who transgress
Rules which they consider binding in regard to form and dress.
Boys are overprone to finding fault with masters who transgress
Rules which they consider binding in regard to form and dress.
Johnson's taste was always slightly outré in his ties and caps;
Furthermore he never rightly saw the fun of booby traps;
And he clouted, none too lightly, boys who larked with watertaps.
Furthermore he never rightly saw the fun of booby traps;
And he clouted, none too lightly, boys who larked with watertaps.
Some considered him half-witted, or at best a harmless freak;
Some reluctantly admitted that he knew a lot of Greek;
All agreed he was unfitted for the calling of a "beak."
Some reluctantly admitted that he knew a lot of Greek;
All agreed he was unfitted for the calling of a "beak."
So, reluctantly returning to their mid-autumnal grind,
Nearly all the boys, on learning Mr. Johnson had resigned,
Showed the usual undiscerning acquiescence of their kind.
Nearly all the boys, on learning Mr. Johnson had resigned,
Showed the usual undiscerning acquiescence of their kind.
Thus he passed unmourned, unheeded, by nine boy's in ev'ry ten,
And as week to week succeeded, bringing Christmas near again,
Quite a miracle was needed to recall him to their ken.
And as week to week succeeded, bringing Christmas near again,
Quite a miracle was needed to recall him to their ken.
Deeds that merit lasting glory almost daily leap to light;
But one morning brought a story which was "excellently bright,"
And the Head, rotundo ore, read it out in Hall that night.
But one morning brought a story which was "excellently bright,"
And the Head, rotundo ore, read it out in Hall that night.
'Twas a tale of nerve unshrinking of a "sweeper" off the Tyne,
Which had rescued from a sinking trawler, shattered by a mine,
Though a submarine was slinking in her wake, a crew of nine.
Which had rescued from a sinking trawler, shattered by a mine,
Though a submarine was slinking in her wake, a crew of nine.
Well, you won't be slow in guessing at the gallant skipper's name,
Or from whom the most caressing message to the hero came—
Boys are generous in redressing wrongs for which they are to blame.
Or from whom the most caressing message to the hero came—
Boys are generous in redressing wrongs for which they are to blame.
Johnson still continues "sweeping," in the best of trim and cheer,
As indifferent to reaping laurels as immune from fear,
While five hundred boys are keeping friendly watch on his career.
As indifferent to reaping laurels as immune from fear,
While five hundred boys are keeping friendly watch on his career.