Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/135

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February 3, 1915

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

89

THE "KULTUR" CUT.

There is a strong patriotic movement in Germany towards a national ideal in tailorings.

BEASTS AND SUPERBEASTS.

[A German zoologist has discovered in German New Guinea a new kind of opossum to which he proposes to give the name of Dactylopsila Hindenburgi.]

At the Annual Convention of the Fishes, Birds and Beasts,
Which opened with the usual invigorating feasts,
The attention of the delegates of feather, fur and fin
Was focussed on a wonderful proposal from Berlin.

The document suggested that, to signalise the feats
Of the noble German armies and the splendid German fleets,
Certain highly honoured species, in virtue of their claims,
Should be privileged in future to adopt Germanic names.

To judge by the resultant din, the screams and roars and cries,
The birds were most ungrateful and the quadrupeds likewise;
And the violence with which they "voiced" their angry discontent
Was worthy of a thoroughbred Hungarian Parliament.

The centipede declared he'd sooner lose a dozen legs
Than wear a patronymic defiled by human dregs;
And sentiments identical, in voices hoarse with woe,
Were emitted by the polecat and by the carrion crow.

The rattlesnake predicted that his rattle would be cracked
Before the name Bernhardii on to his tail was tacked;
And an elderly hyæna, famed for gluttony and greed,
Denounced the suffix Klucki as an insult to its breed.

Most impressive and pathetic was the anguish of the toad
When he found the name Lissaueri had on him been bestowed;
And a fine man-eating tiger said he'd sooner feed with Shaw
Than allow the title Treitschkei to desecrate his jaw.

But this memorable meeting was not destined to disperse
Without a tragedy too great for humble human verse;
For, on hearing that Wilhelmi had to his name been tied,
The skunk, in desperation, committed suicide.

Count Reventlow in the Deutsche Tageszeitung:—

"It is an established fact that when our airships were, in order to fly to the fortified place of Great Yarmouth, merely flying over other places or cities, they were shot at from these places. It may be assumed with certainty that these shots, which were aimed at the airships from below, hit them, and probably they wounded or even killed occupants of the airships. This involves an English franc-tireur attack, ruthlessly carried out in defiance of International Law and in the darkness of the night, upon the German airships, which, without the smallest hostile action, wanted to fly away over those places...
The airship is a recognised weapon of war, and yet people in England seem to demand that it shall regard itself as fair game for the murders performed by a fanatical civil population, and shall not have the right to defend itself."

By the offer of a princely salary, Mr. Punch has tried to tempt Count Reventlow to join the staff in Bouverie Street. In vain. As the chief humorist of Central Europe he feels that his services are indispensable to the Fatherland.