Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/128
MOSES II.
(To the New Lord of Islam.)
Over the Red Sea tramped their legions;
They wandered East, they wandered North
Through very vague and tedious regions,
Ploughing a lot of desolating sand
Before they struck the Promised Land.
And figure in such fancy poses,
Now, poring over Syrian charts,
Dressed for the character of Moses,
In spirit lead your Turks, a happy band,
Bound for another Promised Land.
And doubtless your adopted Bosches
Deemed the Canal would lend its floor
To pass them through without goloshes,
As though it were a segment of the dry
Peninsula of Sinaï.
You answered them with ready wit: "Oh!
You'll have a pillar of cloud by day,
And through the night a fiery ditto,
But never said that these would be supplied
By airmen on the other side.
Promotes a thirst in desert places,
Nor how their route was like to run
A little short of green oases,
Because the wells that glad the wanderer's sight
Have been removed by dynamite.
That, on the Pentateuch's own showing,
Israel found the wilderness
Took forty years of steady going;
And after two-score summers, one would think,
Even a camel wants a drink.
And not transferred (we'll say?) to heaven,
Would by the date when they arrive
Have touched the age of 97,
And scarcely be in quite the best condition
To share their labour's full fruition.
Where, stung by Furies misbegotten,
You counterfeit Mosaic flights,
Aching for Egypt's corn and cotton;
Think how it makes the local fellah smile
To hear your Watch upon the Nile!
O.S.
The Scramble.
{{blockquote|"Near Bir Muhadata a British hydroplane dropped a bob on a Turkish column, inflicting loss."—Manchester Guardian.
In the mad rush made by the always unpaid Turkish troops to secure this godsend, there were many casualties.
The Journalistic Touch.
{{blockquote|"This was on the morning of January 2, and Grall had had no food and only a little water since the morning of December 31 of the previous year.—Reuter."—Daily Chronicle.
The italics represent out own endeavour to assist the picture.
GERMANY'S WAR STRENGTH.
Dear Mr. Punch,—I cannot for the life of me understand why your contemporaries should be in such difficulties over the above question or how it is that they arrive at such diverse estimates. The elements of the problem are perfectly straightforward. I worked it out on the back of my ticket in the Tube last night, and as there can be no doubt whatever about my conclusions I think they ought to be published.
The present population of Germany for popular purposes (as they always say) is 70,000,000. All the evidence goes to show that the war is still popular in Germany, or parts of it, so we may accept that figure. Very well. Of these, 33,000,000 are males. It seems a good many, but we shall soon begin to whittle it down. By examining the figures of the different age groups we find that fully five million of these are under the age of seven and as quite a number are over sixty and others are incapacitated—we have no space to enter into all these complicated calculations here—we shall not be far wrong if we deduct at the outset about 21,175,000 under these heads. This leaves us in round figures twelve million."
We now come to the question of losses up to date; and here we must proceed with caution, for it is above all important to be on the safe side. The present German losses are computed by the best authorities at about two million, from all causes, up to 3 P.M. on the 13th ult. From this we must deduct, however, all those who, after being wounded, have returned to the firing-line—say, half a million. Also all those who, having been wounded a second time, have returned to the front, say, three hundred thousand. Also all those who have been three times wounded and have still gone back to fight—say, fifty thousand.
Then again we must remember those who have been invalided home and recovered, and those who have been missing and are found again. And there are the men who have been erroneously reported as prisoners, owing to the Germans' incorrigible habit of exaggerating the number of their own troops who have fallen into the enemy's hands.
After all these deductions we may safely put the revised German losses at 750,000. This should be taken off the twelve million eligible; but it would, I think, be wise (in order to keep always on the safe side) to add it on. This gives us 12,750,000. Very well.
But the industries of the country must be carried on. There are the railways, agriculture, mining. Let us say five million for these. There are those great industries without which a nation cannot wage war; for instance, the makers of Iron Crosses (100,000), the custodians of ships retained in harbour (50,000), the printers of picture-postcards (50,000), the writers of Hate-hymns, besides sundry makers of armaments and things.
Counting all these in and keeping on the safe side and dealing only with round figures for popular purposes we may conclude that anything from one to nine million must be deducted from our last figure to arrive at a final estimate.
To sum up, Germany's war strength cannot be more than three million or less than eleven. This gives us a clear idea of what we have to face.
I enclose my card in case you should think me au amateur, and have the honour to remain,
Yours faithfully, Statistician.
Men we do not introduce to the Duke of Westminster I.—The German Minister of Finance: Dr. Helfferich.