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Epistulae ad Familiares, V. ii.

from armed enemies and secret conspiracy; and that this association of ours in so great and glorious a responsibility had been undermined by your relations, who, though I had complimented you by giving you the most handsome and honourable commissions, had shown themselves afraid of your paying me any share of the goodwill you should have reciprocated.

2 When at this point I was explaining how eagerly I had looked forward to your speech, and how completely misled I had been, my speech appeared to cause some little amusement, and was followed by a sort of ripple of laughter, not at you, but rather at the mistake I had made, and at my so openly and frankly admitting I had pined for your praise. Well now, what I said cannot be regarded as anything but a compliment to you—that amid all the glory and grandeur of my achievements I had still desired to have some specific confirmation of them from your lips.

3 When, however, you use the words "considering our mutual regard," what meaning you attach to what is "mutual" in friendship, I do not know; what I conceive it to be is "the acceptance and return of good feeling on equal terms." As to my own action, supposing that I were to say that it was for your sake that I allowed my chance of a province to pass by,[1] you would think me somewhat of a hypocrite myself;[2] for my interests pointed in the direction I took, and I get more and more enjoyment and satisfaction out of that decision of mine every day of my life. What I do say is, that from the moment I waived my claim to the province at a public meeting, I immediately began to consider how I could best hand it over to you. About you and

  1. ↑ Or “waived my claim to a province.” The two provinces to be administered by the consuls for 63 B.C. were apparently Macedonia and Gallia Cisalpina. Cicero first allowed his colleague Antonius to choose Macedonia (see Chron. Sum. 63 B.C. § 2), and then renounced his own claim to Gallia Cisalpina, which was allotted to Q. Metellus Celer. Watson.
  2. ↑ Ipse seems to suggest "as I certainly think you are."
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