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260 LavcHING Bov ‘I became frightened, I begged and I cried. =: got very angry, he called me names. He sai® — get out of his way, he couldn't be bothered wi-- : “squaw.” That is a word Americans use to mzz= Indian women; it is contemptuous. I learns: : lot then; right then I was not so young as I zz: been, I think. ‘I went back to the preacher's. I was nih afraid to tell him, but I was ashamed. I could == be calm about it, it was hard to say. [just wale=- in on them and said: “I am going to have a child. It is that me: = He will not marry me.” ‘They were astonished; then the preac::- looked angry. He called me bad. He asked wiz good all my training had done me: he called —= ungrateful. He said a lot of things. If I =z: waited until he got through, his wife would kz = spoken, and they would have taken care of =: I think. But I was finding out that every -=- said one thing and did another. The Jesus == seemed to be a lie, too. I told him that. I threw =: religion at him. Then he said all sorts of thir about me, and ordered me out of his house. ‘My money was soon gone. I went hungry. thought I had shame written all over my fz:z But even then I was strong; I thought that -=: world had beaten me now, but I would keep =