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ghost of a friend.[1] He was surely justified in saying this, even if he had made essay of it; for, in truth, if I compare all the rest of my life, — although by God’s mercy I have found it sweet and easy, and, save for the loss of such a friend, exempt from any poignant grief, full of contentment and tranquillity of mind, having been satisfied with[2] my natural and original advantages, without seeking others, — if, I say, I compare it all with the four years that it was given to me to enjoy the sweet companionship and society of that lofty soul,[3] it is but smoke, it is but a dark and mournful night. Since the day I lost him, —
quem semper acerbum,
Semper honoratum (sic, Dii, voluistis), habebo,[4] —
I do but drag out a languishing existence, and even the pleasures that offer themselves to me, instead of consoling me, redouble my regret for his loss. We halved every thing; it seems to me that I steal from him his share.
Nec fas esse ulla me voluptate hic frui
Decrevi, tantisper dum ille abest meus particeps.[5]
I was formerly so enured and accustomed to be second in every thing, that it seems to me now that I am only half a man.
(b) Illam meæ si partem animæ tulit
Maturior vis, quid moror altera,
Nec charus æque, nec superstes
Integer? Ille dies utramque
Duxit ruinam.[6]
- ↑ See Plutarch, On Brotherly Love.
- ↑ Ayant prins en payement.
- ↑ De ce personnage.
- ↑ [The day] which will ever be bitter to me, ever sacred; such, O Gods! has been your will. — Virgil, Æneid, V, 49.
- ↑ I have resolved that here I may enjoy no pleasure while he, my
comrade, is absent. — Terence, Heautontimorumenos, I, 1.97. Montaigne adapted the text to suit his purpose. - ↑ If an untimely death has taken away the half of my life, what cause have I, the other half, to linger on, being not so dear, and itself impaired? That day struck down both of us. — Horace, Odes, II, 17.5. Here again, Montaigne has modified the text.