Page:Cup of Gold-1929.djvu/273
Cup of Gold
The Vicar was embarrassed. “Well, Panama was a patriotic conquest. The King approved. Besides, the people were Papists.”
“But what are my sins, then?” Henry went on. “I remember only the most pleasant and the most painful among them. Somehow I do not wish to repent the pleasant ones. It would be like breaking faith with them; they were charming. And the painful sins carried atonement with them like concealed knives. How may I repent, sir? I might go over my whole life, naming and repenting every act from the shattering of my first teething ring to my last visit to a brothel. I might repent everything I could remember, but if I forgot one single sin, the whole process would be wasted.”
“Have you repented your sins, Sir Henry?”
He realized, then, that he had not been talking at all. It was difficult to talk. His tongue had become lazy and sluggish. “No,” he said. “I can't remember them very well.”
“You must search in your heart for greed and lust and spite. You must drive wickedness from your heart.”
“But, sir, I don't remember ever having been consciously wicked. I have done things which seemed wicked afterwards, but while I was doing them I always had some rather good end in view.” Again he was conscious that he wasn't really speaking.
“Let us pray,” the voice said.
Henry made a violent effort with his tongue. “No!” he cried.
[264]