Ludus Patronymicus/Avant-Courier

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AVANT-COURIER.

The custom of giving nicknames has been common to all nations; but we have many curious surnames that are not nicknames at all. In England and Wales alone the number of names that might be termed odd or curious would scarcely be credited, without first perusing the Registrar-General's List of Peculiar Surnames.[1] I once showed this List to my etymological friend, Aretchid Kooez, who forthwith sat down, and struck off some passages of his Life in what he calls Patronymic Language.[2] Gentle and Simple Readers must accept this in part payment of a preface. My quaint friend begins thus:—

I Wass[3] Born In Summersett, Hon a Monday, In July, Hat an Early Hour of the Morning, Howlong Back I Forget; Butt Long since the Diet of Worms And the Battle of Waterloo. Thayer Wass a Comet Hat the Time [Good Hor Bad Omen?]. My Father Wass a Weaver And Had a Pretty Wife, Hoo Had a Small Foot And Hand, And wore Herr Hone Hair. Thäer Ware Six Children, Arfin Boys, Arfin Girls (Blond ​And Dark). I Had Ten Cousins, Many Uncles, And Lots of Quaintances. My Daddy Wass a Jolly Fellow, Wass "fond of His Friend And Bottle And Got Mellow;" And, Twice Making His Last Will And Test, Dyde Worth a Plum. One Uncle Wass a Great Tippler And Dyde of Dropsie; a Second a Gamester, a Third a Devil of a Rake. My Father Wass a Jew, One Brother a Morman; the Rest Ether Turks Hor Pagans, And Ure Humble Servant a Christian. My Elder Brother Wass a Tidy Pecker, And (Honour Bright) didn't Drink Water, I Can Tell You. Just Look Hat His Bill of Fare for Frühstück [Breake Fast], Tiffin, i. e. Lunch, And Dinner.

Frühstück. Tea, Coffee (Au Lait) With Milk, Coldham, Hotham, Eggs And Bacon, Herrings, Haddock, Muffins, Rolls, Bread And Butter, And a Segar.

Lunch.

Bitters, Cheese, Butter, Bread, Ham And Chicken, Ale, Porter, Stout, Sherry, Ceider, And a Pipe.

Dinner. [Grace Beevor Meals.]

Pea Soup, Mulloy Kit Tauney, Gravy, Turtle, Hare, Pheasant, Spring, Westerfield White.

Salmon, Turbot Au Béchamel, Codd And Oyster Sauce, Soles, Skate, Smelts, Sprats, White Bate, Trout in Wine, Plaice, Sturgeon, Grey Mullet With Caper Sauce, Whiting, Perch, Carp, Jack, Eels.

​Roast Beef And Batter Pudding, Mutton With Onion Sauce Orr Capers, Lamb, Veal, Hogsflesh And Apple Sauce, With Cabbages, Greens, Carrots, French Beans, Spinnage, Cow Cumbers, Marrows, Kail, And Peas.

Rabbit, Hare, Leveret, Partridge, Pheasant, Quail, Teal, Snipe, Woodcock, Grouse, Goose, Duck, Duckling, And a Curry of Fowl.

Jellies, Custards, Ices, Tarts, Seftons, Lemon Pudding, Pies, Apple Charlotte, And Plenty of Sweets.

Sallade of Mustard And Cress, Lettice With a Clew of Garlick.

Nuts, Orange, Olives, Filberts, Apples, Pears, Normandy Pippins, Almonds And Raisins, Plums, Cherries, Dates, Currants, Melons With Sugar Hor Salt.

Sherry, Port (Curius Old), Champagne (Clicquot) Madeira, Hock, Claret, Cape, Beaune, St. George.

My Wife His a Darling, Such a Duck of a Spouse, Butt Hon my Soul, How Much Does Not the Slybody Cost Mee for Herr Wardrobe! Ive to Pay for Beads, Ribbons, Robes, Tapes, Tiffany, Cotton, Silks, Cashmeres. By the Dickens! Hat Christmas, Hime Prest Like a Lemon for Bonnet, Gown, Shawl, Scarf, Sash, Spencer, Cape, Plume And Feathers; And Every Winter for a Muff, Tippet, And Furss, And a Cloak With a Hood; And Now And Then for Pearls, Rubies, Emeralds, And Diamonds. Heavens! Hime Not Ugly, tho' Tall, And my Head Small; Hime Thini, Slim, And Rather Smallbyhynd. My Skin His Dark [With a Mole Hon my Cheek], Beard And Whiskers Black, Eyes Brown, Face Round, Neck Short, Skull Thick. My Arm His Slight, my Hand Nothard, Butt my Fist Can Plant a ​Good Blow. The Hair Hon my Noddle His Grey, Butt my Knee His Not Bent, my Ear Still Sharp. Summ Call Mee Longfellow, Others (Sans Raison), Greathead. My Heart His In the Right Place, Yet Not Hon the Dexter Side. In the Early Part of my Life I Wass a Weakly Chap, And Had the Deal of Maladies; Such as Ague, Boils, Fever, Fits, Hiccups, Cramp, Piles, Rash, Rickets, And Once Had a Pimple Hon my Nose, a Bump Hon my Head, a Whitlow Hon my Finger, And Bunyans And Corns Hon my Foot, By Gum! [Physick to the Catts; Heal Ewer Self, Master Pills]. Ive a Fancy for Music, Love Harmony And Melody, Sing Both Treble And Bass, And Carol Like a Bird. Buglehorn, Drum, Fiddle, Fife, Harp, Horn, Organ, Hor Tabor, Ar Aul One to Mee.[4] Ive Been a Great Fisher Man, Butt Summ How Hor Other, I Always Ketch Cold in the Boat [Rather Hard Lines]; I Like Rowin, Butt Manage Rudder Better Then Oar Hor Skull. Ive Noe Love for the Chase; I Cant Jump Hedges And Ditches. Why Breake Neck, Legg, Arms, Hor Shoulder Why Knock Down Wheat, Barley, Oats, Ore Even Tares? [You Cant Always Cure the Scarlet Fever. If You Doe Get Hit, Keep Upp Strength And Spirits, Tak Off Blankets, And Hope the Windows]. Hime a Great Smoker [Cant I Blow a Cloud!]; Many a Pipe Daily; Near a Pound of Bird's Eye, Shagg, Hor Returns Every Week. Hon Sunday I Tak my Segar, Hor, as Shum Wouldhave Hit, Weed. Ive Been a Great Traveller, And Such a Walker! Ive Trodden Many Lands, And Wass Once a Pilgrim to Calvary, Galilee, Nazareth, Jordan, Jerusalem, And Gath, ​without Firman Hor Pass Port. By Jove! the Weather Does Not Stop Mee; Hit His Aul the Same; Fineweather, Fairweather, Merryweather, Even Foulweather. I Delight In Tempest, Snow, Storm, Rain, Shower, Hail, Thaw, Sleet, Frost, Dew, Wind, Fog, Mist, Gale. I Wass Always Parshall to Gambling, And Wass Clever, And Had Luck, Hat Hazard, Faro, Skittles, Billiards, Dice, Chess, Butt Wass Not Once a Prigg Hor Swindler. By the Bye, a Short Time Back, I Had a Law Suit Hat Westminster, Hon Circuit, Hor Hat Sessions [Forget Witch]; Butt Grant You May have a Just Cause, the Best Counsell [And Pay a Heavy Fee], a Good Jury [Not a Common Jury], And a Learned Judge, Hit Does Not Always Follo You Get Justice [Wat Quirks And Tricks![5]]. If Hit Goes Agin You, Wait Till Term, Any Try for a Rule Nice Eye, Hon Motion, Ore File a Bill; Dam, the Cost![6] I Once Went to Church, And the Parson, In His Sermon, Said, if One Wass Just, Had Faith And Trust In the Gospel, And Wass a Truman, In the Cumming World, i. e., Paradise, Hor Kingdom of Heaven, One Might Bee a Perfect Man (Watt Bliss!); Butt if One Wass a Badman, after Getting Off Our Mortal Coil, Thayer Wass a Good Chance of Going to the Devil. Cant Say Hime a Croker, Butt Death, Coffins, Churchyards, Graves, Toombs And Monuments Air By Noe Means Pleasant Things.

Amen, Goodby, Farewell, Byby.

​Now, although some of the above surnames really mean what they appear to mean, very many of them, like most of those to be found in the body of the present work, are gross corruptions, and the only way to account for their present form is that there is (as Mr. Ferguson justly observes) a tendency to corrupt towards a meaning. Thus Pettycot will become Pettycoat; Eyvile Evil; Frick Freak; Hanaper Hamper; Lepard Leopard; Manley Manly; Hugh Hue; Sigar Segar; Bradford Broadfoot; Kirkbride Cakebread; Playford Playfoot, &c. &c.

It struck me that a small work on the subject might be acceptable just now, the more especially as it would enable those burdened with objectionable names, instead of assuming others, to discover the proper orthography of their own names. Thus few would probably change their name from Buggin or Simper to Smith, if they thought they were justified in writing Bacon and St. Pierre. The same might be said of such names as Death, Dearth, and Diaper, from D'Aeth, D'Arth, and D'Ypres respectively. Of course some of the suggested derivations are but reasonable guesses; but good guesses are better than none at all, and may often lead to the truth. The title of the work, Ludus Patronymicus, was suggested by my friend, the Rev. S. F. Creswell, M.A., Head Master of Dartford Grammar School, Kent, and late Scholar of St. John's College, Cambridge, who likewise baptized my Verba Nominalia.

R. S. C.

Gray's Inn Square,
January, 1868.

  1. ↑ Selected from the Indexes of Births registered in the quarter ending 31st March, 1831, and of Deaths registered in the corresponding quarter of 1853.
  2. ↑ I shrewdly suspect that friend Kooez must have also dived into Bowditch's work on American Names.
  3. ↑ All the words in Italics are found as surnames.
  4. ↑ I once heard Kooez sing "Hime a Romer," the "Rover His Free," and "Home, Sweet Home."
  5. ↑ We certainly have Our Law of Many Colours and sorts; as Blacklaw, Whitelaw, Brownlaw, Greenlaw, Shillinglaw, Softlaw
  6. ↑ When I got thus far, I exclaimed, in Lingua Patronymica, Fie, Prow Pudor! But on looking at the orthography and punctuation, I became satisfied that our autobiographer had merely made use of the French peasants' common exclamation, Dame = Bless me!

This work was published before January 1, 1930, and is in the public domain worldwide because the author died at least 100 years ago.

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