Love for Love/Act II

ACT II. SCENE I.

A Room in Foresight's House.

Foresight and Servant.

Fore.Hey day! What are all the Women of my Family abroad? Is not my Wife come home? Nor my Sister, nor my Daughter?

Serv.No, Sir.

Fore.Mercy on us, what can be the meaning of it? Sure the Moon is in all her Fortitudes; Is my Neice Angelica at home?

Serv.Yes, Sir.

Fore.I believe you lie, Sir.

Serv.Sir?

Fore.I say you lie, Sir. It is impossible that any thing should be as I wou'd have it; for I was born, Sir, when the Crab was ascending, and all my Affairs go backward.

Serv.I can't tell indeed, Sir.

Fore.No, I know you can't, Sir: But I can tell, Sir, and foretell, Sir.
Enter Nurse.
Nurse, Where's your young Mistress?

Nurse.Wee'st heart, I know not, they're none of 'em come home yet: Poor Child, I warrant she's fond o'seeing the Town,—Marry, pray Heav'n they ha' given her any Dinner,—good lack-a-day, ha, ha, ha, O strange; I'll vow and swear now, ha, ha, ha, Marry and did you ever see the like!

Fore.Why how now, what's the matter?

Nurse.Pray Heav'n send your Worship good Luck, Marry and Amen with all my heart, for you have put on one Stocking with the wrong side outward.

Fore.Ha, How? Faith and troth I'm glad of it, and so I have, that may be good Luck in troth, in troth it may, very good Luck: Nay I have had some Omens; I got out of Bed backwards too this morning, without Premeditation; pretty good that too; but then I stumbl'd coming down Stairs, and met a Weasel; bad Omens those: some bad, some good, our lives are checquer'd, Mirth and Sorrow, Want and Plenty, Night and Day, make up our time,———But in troth I am pleas'd at my Stocking. Very well pleas'd at my Stocking———Oh here's my Neice!———
Enter Angelica.
Sirrah, go tell Sir Sampson Legend, I'll wait on him, if he's at leisure,———'tis now Three a Clock, a very good hour for Business, Mercury Governs this hour. [Exit Servant.

Ang.Is not it a good hour for Pleasure too? Uncle, pray lend me your Coach, mine's out of Order.

Fore.What, wou'd you be gadding too? Sure all Females are mad to day———It is of evil portent, and bodes Mischief to the Master of a Family———I remember an old Prophesie written by Messehalah the Arabian, and thus translated by a Reverend Buckinghamshire Bard.

When Housewifes all the House forsake,
And leave good Man to Brew and Bake,
Withouten Guile, then be it said,
That House doth stond upon its Head;
And when the Head is set in Grond,
Ne marl, if it be fruitful fond.

Fruitful, the Head fruitful, that bodes Horns; the Fruit of the Head is Horns———Dear Neice, stay at home———For by the Head of the House is meant the Husband; the Prophecy needs no Explanation.

Ang.Well, but I can neither make you a Cuckold, Uncle, by going abroad; nor secure you from being one, by staying at home.

Fore.Yes, yes; while there's one Woman left, the Prophesie is not in full Force.

Ang.But my Inclinations are in force, I have a mind to go abroad; and if you won't lend me your Coach, I'll take a Hackney, or a Chair, and leave you to erect a Scheme, and find who's in Conjunction with your Wife. Why don't you keep her at Home, if you're Jealous when she's abroad? You know my Aunt is a little Retrograde (as you call it) in her Nature. Uncle, I'm afraid you are not Lord of the Ascendant, ha, ha, ha.

Fore.Well, Jill-flirt, you are very pert———and always ridiculing that Celestial Science.

Ang.Nay Uncle, don't be angry———If you are, I'll reap up all your false Prophecies, ridiculous Dreams, and idle Divinations. I'll swear you are a Nusance to the Neighbourhood———What a Bustle did you keep against the last Invisible Eclipse, laying in Provision as 'twere for a Siege? What a World of Fire and Candle, Matches and Tinderboxes did you purchase! One would have thought we were ever after to live under Ground, or at least making a Voyage to Greenland, to inhabit there all the dark Season.

Fore.Why, you malapert Slut———

Ang.Will you lend me your Coach, or I'll go on———Nay, I'll declare how you prophecy'd Popery was coming, only because the Butler had mislaid some of the Apostle's Spoons, and thought they were lost. Away went Religion and Spoon-meat together—Indeed, Uncle, I'll indite you for a Wizard.

Fore.How Hussie! was there ever such a provoking Minx?

Nurse.O merciful Father, how she talks!

Ang.Yes, I can make Oath of your unlawful Midnight Practices; you and the old Nurse there———

Nurse.Marry Heav'n defend———I at Midnight Practices———O Lord, what's here to do?———I in unlawful Doings with my Masters Worship———Why, did you ever hear the like now———Sir, did ever I do any thing of your Midnight Concerns———but warm your Bed, and tuck you up, and set the Candle, and your Tobacco-Box, and your Urinal by you, and now and then rub the Soles of your Feet?———O Lord, I!———

Ang.Yes, I saw you together, through the Key-hole of the Closet, one Night, like Saul and the Witch of Endor, turning the Sieve and Sheers, and pricking your Thumbs, to write poor innocent Servants Names in Blood, about a little Nutmeg-Grater, which she had forgot in the Caudle-Cup———Nay, I know something worse, if I would speak of it———

Fore.I defie you, Hussie; but I'll remember this, I'll be reveng'd on you, Cockatrice; I'll hamper you———You have your Fortune in your own Hands———But I'll find a way to make your Lover, your Prodigal Spendthrift Gallant, Valentine, pay for all, I will.

Ang.Will you? I care not, but all shall out then———Look to it, Nurse; I can bring Witness that you have a great unnatural Teat under your Left Arm, and he another; and that you Suckle a Young Devil in the Shape of a Tabby-Cat, by turns, I can.

Nurse.A Teat, a Teat, I an unnatural Teat! O the false slanderous thing; feel, feel here, if I have any thing but like another Christian, [crying] or any Teats, but two that han't given Suck this Thirty Years.

Fore.I will have Patience, since it is the Will of the Stars I should be thus tormented———This is the effect of the malicious Conjunctions and Oppositions in the Third House of my Nativity; there the Curse of Kindred was foretold———But I will have my Doors lock'd up———I'll punish you, not a Man shall enter my House.

Ang.Do Uncle, lock 'em up quickly before my Aunt come home—You'll have a Letter for Alimony to morrow morning—But let me be gone first, and then let no Mankind come near the House, but Converse with Spirits and the Celestial Signs, the Bull, and the Ram, and the Goat. Bless me! there are a great many Horn'd Beasts among the Twelve Signs, Uncle. But Cuckolds go to Heav'n.

Fore.But there's but one Virgin among the Twelve Signs, Spitfire, but one Virgin.

Ang.Nor there had not been that one, if she had had to do with any thing but Astrologers, Uncle. That makes my Aunt go abroad.

Fore.How? how? is that the reason? Come, you know something; tell me, and I'll forgive you; do, good Neice———Come, you shall have my Coach and Horses———Faith and Troth you shall———Does my Wife complain? Come, I know Women tell one another———She is young and sanguine, has a wanton Hazle Eye, and was born under Gemini, which may incline her to Society; she has a Mole upon her Lip, with a moist Palm, and an open Liberality on the Mount of Venus.

Ang.Ha, ha, ha.

Fore.Do you laugh?———Well Gentlewoman, I'll———But come, be a good Girl, don't perplex your poor Uncle, tell me—won't you speak? Odd I'll———

Enter Servant.

Serv.Sir Sampson is coming down to wait upon you———

Ang.Good bu'y Uncle———Call me a Chair———I'll find out my Aunt, and tell her, she must not come home. [Exit Angelica and Servant.

Fore.I'm so perplex'd and vex'd, I am not fit to receive him; I shall scarce recover my self before the Hour be past: Go Nurse, tell Sir Sampson I'm ready to wait on him.

Nurse.Yes, Sir. [Exit.

Fore.Well———Why, if I was born to be a Cuckold, there's no more to be said———

Enter Sir Sampson Legend with a Paper.

Sir Samp.Nor no more to be done, Old Boy; that's plain———here 'tis, I have it in my Hand, Old Ptolomee; I'll make the ungracious Prodigal know who begat him; I will, old Nostrodamus. What, I warrant my Son thought nothing belong'd to a Father, but Forgiveness and Affection; no Authority, no Correction, no Arbitrary Power; nothing to be done, but for him to offend, and me to pardon. I warrant you, if he danc'd till Doomsday, he thought I was to pay the Piper. Well, but here it is under Black and White, Signatum, Sigillatum, and Deliberatum; that as soon as my Son Benjamin is arriv'd, he is to make over to him his Right of Inheritance. Where's my Daughter that is to be—hah! old Merlin! body o' me, I'm so glad I'm reveng'd on this undutiful Rogue.

Fore. Odso, let me see; Let me see the Paper———Ay, faith and troth, here 'tis, if it will but hold———I wish things were done, and the Conveyance made———When was this Sign'd, what Hour? Ods so, you should nave consulted me for the time. Well, but we'll make haste———

Sir Samp.Haste, ay, ay; haste enough, my Son Ben will be in Town to night———I have order'd my Lawyer to draw up Writings of Settlement and Joynture———All shall be done to Night—No matter for the time; prithee, Brother Foresight, leave Superstition———Pox o'th' time; there's no time but the time present, there's no more to be said of what's past, and all that is to come will happen. If the Sun shine by Day, and the Stars by Night, why, we shall know one another's Faces without the help of a Candle, and that's all the Stars are good for.

Fore.How, how? Sir Sampson, that all? Give me leave to contradict you, and tell you, you are ignorant.

Sir Samp.I tell you I am wise; and sapiens dominabitur astris; there's Latin for you to prove it, and an Argument to confound your Ephemeris———Ignorant!———I tell you, I have travel'd old Fircu, and know the Globe. I have seen the Antipodes, where the Sun rises at Midnight, and sets at Noon-day.

Fore.But I tell you I have travell'd, and travell'd in the Cœlestial Spheres, know the Signs and the Planets, and their Houses. Can judge of Motions Direct and Retrograde, of Sextiles, Quadrates, Trines and Oppositions, Fiery Trigons and Aquatical Trigons. Know whether Life shall be long or short, Happy or Unhappy, Whether Diseases are Curable or Incurable. If Journeys shall be prosperous, Undertakings successful; or Goods stoll'n recover'd, I know———

Sir Samp.I know the length of the Emperour of China's Foot; have kiss'd the Great Mogul's Slipper, and rid a Hunting upon an Elephant with the Cham of Tartary,———Body of me, I have made a Cuckold of a King, and the present Majesty of Bantam is the Issue of these Loyns.

Fore.I know when Travellers lye or speak Truth, when they don't know it themselves.

Sir Samp.I have known an Astrologer made a Cuckold in the twinckling of a Star; and seen a Conjurer, that cou'd not keep the Devil out of his Wives Circle.

Fore.What does he twit me with my Wife too? I must be better Inform'd of this,—[Aside.]—Do you mean my Wife, Sir Sampson? Tho' you made a Cuckold of the King of Bantam, yet by the Body of the Sun———

Sir Samp.By the Horns of the Moon, you wou'd say, Brother Capricorn.

Fore.Capricorn in your Teeth, thou Modern Mandevil; Ferdinand Mendez Pinto was but a Type of thee, thou Lyar of the first Magnitude. Take back your Paper of Inheritance; send your Son to Sea again. I'll Wed my Daughter to an Egyptian Mummy, e'er she shall Incorporate with a Contemner of Sciences, and a defamer of Vertue.

Sir Samp.Body of me, I have gone too far;—I must not provoke honest Albumazar,———an Egyptian Mummy is an Illustrious Creature, my trusty Hieroglyphick; and may have significations of futurity about him; Odsbuds, I wou'd my Son were an Egyptian Mummy for thy sake. What, thou art not angry for a Jest, my good Haly———I reverence the Sun, Moon and Stars with all my Heart.———What, I'll make thee a Present of a Mummy: Now I think on't, Body of me, I have a Shoulder of an Egyptian King, that I purloyn'd from one of the Pyramids, powder'd with Hieroglyphicks, thou shalt have it sent home to thy House, and make an Entertainment for all the Philomaths, and Students in Physick and Astrology in and about London.

Fore.But what do you know of my Wife, Sir Sampson?

Sir Samp.Thy Wife is a Constellation of Vertues; she's the Moon, and thou art the Man in the Moon: Nay, she is more Illustrious than the Moon; for she has her Chastity without her Inconstancy, 'S'bud I was but in Jest.
Enter Jeremy.
How now? who sent for you? Ha! what wou'd you have?

Fore.Nay, if you were but in Jest.———Who's that Fellow? I don't like his Physiognomy.

Sir Samp.My Son, Sir; what Son, Sir? My Son Benjamin, hoh?

Jere.No, Sir, Mr. Valentine, my Master,———'tis the first time he has been abroad since his Confinement, and he comes to pay his Duty to you.

Sir Samp.Well, Sir.

Enter Valentine.

Jere.He is here, Sir.

Val.Your Blessing, Sir.

Sir Samp.You've had it already, Sir, I think I sent it you to day in a Bill of Four thousand Pound: A great deal of Money, Brother Foresight.

Fore.Aye indeed, Sir Sampson, a great deal of Money for a young Man, I wonder what he can do with it!

Sir Samp.Body of me, so do I.———Heark ye, Valentine, if there is too much, refund the Superfluity; Do'st hear Boy?

Val.Superfluity, Sir, it will scarce pay my Debts,—I hope you will have more Indulgence, than to oblige me to those hard Conditions, which my necessity Sign'd to.

Sir Samp.Sir, how I beseech you, what were you pleas'd to intimate, concerning Indulgence?

Val.Why, Sir, that you wou'd not go to the extremity of the Conditions, but release me at least from some part.—

Sir Samp.Oh Sir, I understand you.—that's all, ha?

Val.Yes, Sir, all that I presume to ask.—But what you, out of Fatherly Fondness, will be pleas'd to add, shall be doubly welcome.

Sir Samp.No doubt of it, sweet Sir, but your filial Piety, and my Fatherly fondness wou'd fit like two Tallies.—Here's a Rogue, Brother Foresight, makes a Bargain under Hand and Seal in the Morning, and would be releas'd from it in the Afternoon; here's a Rogue, Dog, here's Conscience and Honesty; this is your Wit now, this is the Morality of your Wits! You are a Wit, and have been a Beau, and may be a—Why Sirrah, is it not here under Hand and Seal—Can you deny it?

Val.Sir, I don't deny it.———

Sir Samp.Sirrah, you'll be hang'd; I shall live to see you go up Holborn-Hill—Has he not a Rogues Face?—Speak, Brother, you understand Physiognomy, a Hanging-look to me—of all my Boys the most unlike me; a has a damn'd Tyburn face, without the benefit o' the Clergy.

Fore.Hum—truly I don't care to discourage a young Man,—he has a violent death in his face; but I hope no danger of Hanging.

Val.Sir, is this Usage for your Son?———for that old, Weather-headed fool, I know how to laugh at him; but you, Sir———

Sir Samp.You Sir; and you, Sir:—Why, who are you Sir?

Val.Your Son, Sir.

Sir Samp.That's more than I know, Sir, and I believe not.

Val.Faith, I hope not.

Sir Samp.What, wou'd you have your Mother a Whore! Did you ever hear the like! Did you ever hear the like! Body o' me———

Val.I would have an Excuse for your Barbarity and Unnatural Usage.

Sir Samp.Excuse! Impudence! why Sirrah, may'nt I do what I please? Are not you my Slave? Did not I beget you? And might not I have chosen whether I would have begot you or no? Ouns who are you? Whence came you? What brought you into the World? How came you here, Sir? Here, to stand here, upon those two Leggs, and look erect with that audacious face, hah? Answer me that? Did you come a Voluntier into the World? Or did I beat up for you with the lawful Authority of a Parent, and press you to the service?

Val.I know no more why I came, than you do why you call'd me. But here I am, and if you don't mean to provide for me, I desire you wou'd leave me as you found me.

Sir Samp.With all my Heart: Come, Uncase, Strip, and go naked out of the World as you came into't.

Val.My Cloaths are soon put off:———But you must also deprive me of Reason, Thought, Passions, Inclinations, Affections, Appetites, Senses, and the huge Train of Attendants that you begot along with me.

Sir Samp.Body o' me, what a many-headed Monster have I propagated?

Val.I am of my self, a plain easie simple Creature; and to be kept at small expence; but the Retinue that you gave me are craving and invincible; they are so many Devils that you have rais'd, and will have employment.

Sir Samp.'Oons, what had I to do to get Children,———can't a private man be born without all these Followers:———Why nothing under an Emperour should be born with Appetites,———Why at this rate a fellow that has but a Groat in his Pocket, may have a Stomach capable of a Ten Shilling Ordinary.

Jere.Nay, that's as clear as the Sun; I'll make Oath of it before any Justice in Middlesex.

Sir Samp.Here's a Cormorant too,———'S'heart this Fellow was not born with you?———I did not beget him, did I?———

Jere.By the Provision that's made for me, you might have begot me too:———Nay, and to tell your Worship another Truth, I believe you did, for I find I was born with those same Whoreson Appetites too; that my Master speaks of.

Sir Samp.Why look you there now,———I'll maintain it, that by the rule of right Reason, this Fellow ought to have been born without a Palate.—'S'heart, what shou'd he do with a distinguishing taste?—I warrant now he'd rather eat a Pheasant, than a piece of poor John; and smell, now, why I warrant he can smell, and loves Perfumes above a stink.—Why there's it; and Musick, don't you love Musick Scoundrell?

Jere.Yes, I have a reasonable good Ear, Sir, as to Jiggs and Country Dances; and the like; I don't much matter your Sola's or Sonata's, they give me the Spleen.

Sir Samp.The Spleen, ha, ha, ha, a Pox confound you—Sola's and Sonata's? 'Oons whose Son are you? how were you engendred, Muckworm?

Jere.I am by my Father, the Son of a Chair-man, my Mother sold Oysters in Winter, and Cucumbers in Summer; and I came up Stairs into the World, for I was born in a Cellar.

Fore.By your Looks, you shou'd go up Stairs out of the World too, Friend.

Sir Samp.And if this Rogue were Anatomiz'd now, and dissected, he has his Vessels of Digestion and Concoction, and so forth, large enough for the Inside of a Cardinal, this Son of a Cucumber.—These things are unaccountable and unreasonable,—Body of me, why was not I a Bear? that my Cubs might have liv'd upon sucking their Paws? Nature has been provident only to Bears and Spiders; the one has its Nutriment in his own hands; and t'other spins his Habitation out of his Entrails.

Val.Fortune was provident enough to supply all the Necessities of my Nature; if I had my right of Inheritance.

Sir Samp.Again! 'Ouns han't you four thousand Pound———if I had it again, I wou'd not give thee a Groat.—What would'st thou have me turn Pelican, and feed thee out of my own Vitals?—'S'heart, live by your Wits,—You were always fond of the Wits,—Now let's see, if you have Wit enough to keep your self?—Your Brother will be in Town to Night, or to morrow morning, and then look you perform Covenants, and so your Friend and Servant.———Come Brother Foresight.
[Exeunt Sir Samp and Foresight.

Jere.I told you what your Visit wou'd come to.

Val.'Tis as much as I expected—I did not come to see him: I came to Angelica: but since she was gone abroad, it was easily turn'd another way; and at least look'd well on my side: What's here? Mrs. Foresight and Mrs. Frail, they are earnest,———I'll avoid 'em,———Come this way, and go and enquire when Angelica will return.

Enter Mrs. Foresight and Mrs. Frail.

Mrs. Frail.What have you to do to watch me?———'S'life I'll do what I please.

Mrs. Fore.You will?

Frail.Yes marry will I—A great piece of Business to go to Covent-Garden Square in a Hackney-Coach, and take a Turn with one's Friend.

Mrs. Fore.Nay, two or three Turns, I'll take my Oath.

Frail.Well, what if I took twenty—I warrant, if you had been there, it had been only innocent Recreation,—Lord, where's the Comfort of this Life, if we can't have the Happiness of conversing where we like.

Mrs. Fore.But can't you converse at home?—I own it, I think there's no Happiness like conversing with an agreeable Man: I don't quarrel at that, nor I don't think but your Conversation was very innocent; but the Place is publick, and to be seen with a Man in a Hackney-Coach is scandalous: What if any Body else should have seen you alight, as I did?—How can any Body be happy, while they're in perpetual Fear of being seen and censur'd?—Besides it would not only reflect upon you, Sister, but me.

Frail.Pooh, here's a Clutter—why should it reflect upon you?—I don't doubt but you have thought your self happy in a Hackney-Coach before now.—If I had gone to Knights-bridge, or to Chelsey, or to Spring-Garden, or Barn-Elms with a Man alone—something might have been said.

Mrs. Fore.Why, was I ever in any of these Places? What do you mean, Sister?

Frail.Was I? what do you mean?

Mrs. Fore.You have been at a worse Place.

Frail.I at a worse Place, and with Man!

Mrs. Fore.I suppose you would not go alone to the World's-End.

Frail.The World's End! What, do you mean to Banter me?

Mrs. Fore.Poor innocent! You don't know that there's a Place call'd the World's-End? I'll swear you can keep your Countenance purely, you'd make an Admirable Player.

Frail.I'll swear you have a great deal of Impudence, and in my Mind too much for the Stage.

Mrs. Fore.Very well, that will appear who has most, You never were at the World's-End?

Frail.No.

Mrs. Fore.You deny it positively to my Face.

Frail.Your Face, what's your Face?

Mrs. Fore.No matter for that, it's as good a Face as yours.

Frail.Not by a dozen Years wearing.—But I do deny it positively to your Face then.

Mrs. Fore.I'll allow you now to find fault with my Face;—for I'll swear your Impudence has put me out of Countenance:—But look you here now,—where did you lose this Gold Bodkin?—O Sister, Sister!

Frail.My Bodkin!

Mrs. Fore.Nay, 'tis yours, look at it.

Frail.Well, if you go to that, where did you find this Bodkin?—Oh Sister, Sister!—Sister every way.

Mrs. Fore.O Devil on't, that I could not discover her without betraying my self. [Aside.

Frail.I have heard Gentlemen say, Sister, that one should take great care, when one makes a Thrust in Fencing, not to lie open ones self.

Mrs. Fore.It's very true, Sister: Well, since all's out, and as you say, since we are both wounded, let us do that is often done in Duels, take care of one another, and grow better Friends than before.

Frail.With all my Heart, ours are but slight Flesh Wounds, and if we keep 'em from Air, not at all dangerous: Well, give me your Hand in token of Sisterly Secresie and Affection.

Mrs. Fore.Here 'tis with all my Heart.

Frail.Well, as an Earnest of Friendship and Confidence, I'll acquaint you with a Design that I have: To tell Truth, and speak openly one to another, I'm afraid the World have observ'd us more than we have observ'd one another. You have a Rich Husband, and are provided for, I am at a loss, and have no great Stock either of Fortune or Reputation; and therefore must look sharply about me. Sir Sampson has a Son that is expected to Night; and by the Account I have heard of his Education, can be no Conjurer: The Estate you know is to be made over to him:—Now if I could wheedle him, Sister, ha? You understand me?

Mrs. Fore.I do; and will help you to the utmost of my Power—And I can tell you one thing that falls out luckily enough; my aukward Daughter-in-Law, who you know is design'd for his Wife, is grown fond of Mr. Tattle; now if we can improve that, and make her have an Aversion for the Booby, it may go a great way towards his liking of you. Here they come together; and let us contrive some way or other to leave 'em together.

Enter Tattle and Miss Pru.

Miss. Pru.Mother, Mother, Mother, look you here.

Mrs. Fore.Fie, fie, Miss, how you bawl—besides, I have told you, you must not call me Mother.

Miss. Pru.What must I call you then, are you not my Father's Wife?

Mrs. Fore.Madam; you must say Madam—By my Soul, I shall fancy my self Old indeed, to have this great Girl call me Mother—Well, but Miss, what are you so overjoy'd at?

Miss. Pru.Look you here, Madam then, what Mr. Tattle has given me—Look you here Cousin, here's a Snuff-box; nay, there's Snuff in't;—here, will you have any—Oh good! how sweet it is—Mr. Tattle is all over sweet, his Perruke is sweet, and his Gloves are sweet,—and his Handkerchief is sweet, pure sweet, sweeter than Roses—Smell him Mother, Madam, I mean—He gave me this Ring for a Kiss.

Tatt.O fie Miss, you must not kiss and tell.

Miss. Pru.Yes; I may tell my Mother—And he says he'll give me something to make me smell so—Oh pray lend me your Handkerchief—Smell Cousin; he says he'll give me something that will make my Smocks smell this way—Is not it pure?—It's better than Lavender mun—I'm resolv'd I won't let Nurse put any more Lavender among my Smocks—ha, Cousin?

Frail.Fie, Miss; amongst your Linnen, you must say—You must never say Smock.

Miss. Pru.Why, it is not Bawdy, is it Cousin?

Tatt.Oh Madam, you are too severe upon Miss; you must not find Fault with her pretty simplicity, it becomes her strangely—pretty Miss, don't let 'em persuade you out of your Innocency.

Mrs. Fore.Oh, Demm you Toad—I wish you don't persuade her out of her Innocency.

Tatt.Who I, Madam?—Oh Lord, how can your Ladyship have such a Thought—sure you don't know me?

Frail.Ah Devil, sly Devil—He's as close, Sister, as a Confessor—He thinks we don't observe him.

Mrs. Fore.A cunning Cur, how soon he cou'd find out a fresh harmless Creature; and left us, Sister, presently.

Tatt.Upon Reputation———

Mrs. Fore.They're all so, Sister, these Men—they love to have the spoiling of a Young Thing, they are as fond of it, as of being first in the Fashion, or of seeing a new Play the first Day,—I warrant it wou'd break Mr. Tattle's Heart, to think that any Body else shou'd be before-hand with him.

Tatt.Oh Lord, I swear I wou'd not for the World—

Frail.O hang you; who'll believe you?—You'd be hang'd before you'd confess—we know you—she's very pretty!—Lord, what pure red and white!—she looks so wholesome;—ne'er stir, I don't know, but I fancy, if I were a Man—
Miss. Pru.How you love to jeer one, Cousin.

Mrs. Fore.Hark ye, Sister,—by my Soul the Girl is spoil'd already—d'ye think she'll ever endure a great lubberly Tarpawlin—Gad I warrant you, she won't let him come near her, after Mr. Tattle.

Frail.O' my Soul, I'm afraid not—eh!—filthy Creature, that smells all of Pitch and Tar—Devil take you, you confounded Toad—why did you see her, before she was Married?

Mrs. Fore.Nay, why did we let him—my Husband will hang us—He'll think we brought 'em acquainted.

Frail.Come, Faith let us be gone—If my Brother Foresight shou'd find us with them;—he'd think so, sure enough.

Mrs. Fore.So he wou'd———but then leaving 'em together is as bad———And he's such a sly Devil, he'll never miss an opportunity.

Frail.I don't care; I won't be seen in't.

Mrs. Fore.Well, if you shou'd, Mr. Tattle, you'll have a World to answer for; remember I wash my Hands of it, I'm throughly Innocent.
[Exeunt Mrs. Foresight and Frail

Miss. Pru.What makes 'em go away, Mr. Tattle? What do you mean, do you know?

Tatt.Yes, my Dear—I think I can guess—But hang me if I know the reason of it.

Miss. Pru.Come, must not we go too?

Tatt.No, no, they don't mean that.

Miss. Pru.No! what then? what shall you and I do together?

Tatt.I must make Love to you, pretty Miss; will you let me make Love to you?

Miss. Pru.Yes, if you please.

Tatt.Frank, I Gad, at least. What a Pox does Mrs. Foresight mean by this Civility? is it to make a Fool of me? or does she leave us together out of good Morality, and do as she wou'd be done by—Gad I'll understand it so. [Aside.

Miss. Pru.Well; and how will you make Love to me—Come, I long to have you begin—must I make Love too? You must tell me how.

Tatt.You must let me speak, Miss, you must not speak first; I must ask you Questions, and you must answer.

Miss. Pru.What, is it like the Catechism?—Come then ask me.

Tatt.D'ye think you can Love me?

Miss. Pru.Yes.

Tatt.Pooh, Pox, you must not say yes already; I shan't care a Farthing for you then in a twinkling.

Miss. Pru.What must I say then?

Tatt.Why you must say no, or you believe not, or you can't tell—

Miss. Pru.Why, must I tell a Lie then?

Tatt.Yes, if you wou'd be well bred. All well-bred Persons Lie—Besides, you are a Woman, you must never speak what you think: Your Words must contradict your Thoughts; but your Actions may contradict your Words. So, when I ask you if you can Love me, you must say no, but you must Love me too—If I tell you you are Handsome, you must deny it, and say I flatter you—But you must think your self more Charming than I speak you;—and like me, for the Beauty which I say you have, as much as if I had it my self—If I ask you to Kiss me, you must be angry, but you must not refuse me. If I ask you for more, you must be more angry,—but more complying; and as soon as ever I make you say you'll cry out, you must be sure to hold your Tongue.

Miss. Pru.O Lord, I swear this is pure,—I like it better than our old fashion'd Country way of speaking ones Mind;—and must not you Lie too?

Tatt.Hum—Yes—But you must believe I speak Truth.

Miss. Pru.O Gemini! well, I always had a great mind to tell Lies—but they frighted me, and said it was a Sin.

Tatt.Well, my pretty Creature; will you make me happy by giving me a Kiss?

Miss. Pru.No, indeed; I'm angry at you.——— [Runs and kisses him.

Tatt.Hold, hold, that's pretty well—but you shou'd not have given it me, but have suffer'd me to take it.

Miss. Pru.Well, we'll do it again.

Tatt.With all my Heart,—Now then, my little Angel. [Kisses her.

Miss. Pru.Pish.

Tatt.That's right,—Again, my Charmer. [Kisses again.

Miss. Pru.O fie, nay, now I can't abide you.

Tatt.Admirable! That was as well as if you had been born and bred in Covent-Garden all the Days of your Life;—And won't you shew me, pretty Miss, where your Bed-Chamber is?

Miss. Pru.No, indeed won't I; but I'll run there, and hide my self from you behind the Curtains.

Tatt.I'll follow you.

Miss. Pru.Ah, but I'll hold the Door with both Hands, and be angry;—and you shall push me down before you come in.

Tatt.No, I'll come in first, and push you down afterwards.

Miss. Pru.Will you? then I'll be more angry, and more complying.

Tatt.Then I'll mak you cry out.

Miss. Pru.Oh but you shan't, for I'll hold my Tongue—

Tatt.Oh my dear apt Scholar.

Miss. Pru.Well, now I'll run, and make more haste than you. [Exit Miss.

Tatt.You shall not fly so fast as I'll pursue. [Exit after her.

The End of the Second Act.