Fugitive Poetry. 1600–1878/The Duke and the Pig
The Duke and the Pig; or, Paying the Rent.
A certain Viceroy in the Emerald Isle,
Some fourscore years ago,
Just thereabouts or so—
Resolved, as 'twas the balmy summer-time,
To make a gay provincial tour,
And view the country in its blooming prime,
As many other Viceroys did before.
His Grace was very fond of smoking,
Drank like a fish—laid all wine-bibbers low,
Who had great drinking fame
Before he came:
Therefore they could not stand this blow,
Which was provoking.
His travelling equipage was all arrayed,
He handed in his Duchess—yet afraid
That something might have been forgotten,
He to his footman called—"John! John!
Is my Egyptian pipe within the coach?"
"It is, my lord." "John! John! that is well thought on—
That's right—there's nothing else—now we'll be gone;
To leave my pipe behind were a reproach."
They travelled rapidly; admired each scene
That met their sight—the hills of verdant green—
The wood—the water—rising to their view;
And thought if landlords did as they should do,
Live in their country—stimulate the toil
Of peasant industry to till the soil;
Consult his comforts, and promote his peace;—
Ireland would be a very different place.
'Twas fading afternoon, while up a hill
The carriage slowly went;
The Egyptian pipe his Grace began to fill,
And on a smoke intent,
He sought a cabin near the roadside way,
To get a light, and puff all care away.
Now, in the Emerald Isle it is not odd
To see a stagnant pool by way of moat,
To guard the cabin pass;
Besides a pig in mud—or straw about a wad;
Such picturesque additions you may note;
'Tis quite as true—that Catholics go to mass:
With careful steps his Grace had reached the door;
Uprose the pig, astonished at his sight;
A woman almost double swept the floor;
While his Grace asked her—"Could he have a light."
"Your honour shall, with pleasure, sure," says she.
Just then the pig—inquisitive, no doubt,
To know what all this matter was about,
Entered the cabin, to see what he could see,
And rubbed himself against his Grace's knee.
The woman then, with curses loud and long,
Condemned the pig for sideling up so free;
Turned to the Duke and said, "Don't think it wrong
That piggy here
Should enter without fear:
He thinks he has a right—no harm is meant:
Because at the year's end, he pays the rent!"
The Duke was overcome with hearty laughter,
And told the story oft to many after.
He left ten pounds—the woman blessed his sight;
And Piggy long enjoyed his Entry-Right.
Some fourscore years ago,
Just thereabouts or so—
Resolved, as 'twas the balmy summer-time,
To make a gay provincial tour,
And view the country in its blooming prime,
As many other Viceroys did before.
His Grace was very fond of smoking,
Drank like a fish—laid all wine-bibbers low,
Who had great drinking fame
Before he came:
Therefore they could not stand this blow,
Which was provoking.
His travelling equipage was all arrayed,
He handed in his Duchess—yet afraid
That something might have been forgotten,
He to his footman called—"John! John!
Is my Egyptian pipe within the coach?"
"It is, my lord." "John! John! that is well thought on—
That's right—there's nothing else—now we'll be gone;
To leave my pipe behind were a reproach."
They travelled rapidly; admired each scene
That met their sight—the hills of verdant green—
The wood—the water—rising to their view;
And thought if landlords did as they should do,
Live in their country—stimulate the toil
Of peasant industry to till the soil;
Consult his comforts, and promote his peace;—
Ireland would be a very different place.
'Twas fading afternoon, while up a hill
The carriage slowly went;
The Egyptian pipe his Grace began to fill,
And on a smoke intent,
He sought a cabin near the roadside way,
To get a light, and puff all care away.
Now, in the Emerald Isle it is not odd
To see a stagnant pool by way of moat,
To guard the cabin pass;
Besides a pig in mud—or straw about a wad;
Such picturesque additions you may note;
'Tis quite as true—that Catholics go to mass:
With careful steps his Grace had reached the door;
Uprose the pig, astonished at his sight;
A woman almost double swept the floor;
While his Grace asked her—"Could he have a light."
"Your honour shall, with pleasure, sure," says she.
Just then the pig—inquisitive, no doubt,
To know what all this matter was about,
Entered the cabin, to see what he could see,
And rubbed himself against his Grace's knee.
The woman then, with curses loud and long,
Condemned the pig for sideling up so free;
Turned to the Duke and said, "Don't think it wrong
That piggy here
Should enter without fear:
He thinks he has a right—no harm is meant:
Because at the year's end, he pays the rent!"
The Duke was overcome with hearty laughter,
And told the story oft to many after.
He left ten pounds—the woman blessed his sight;
And Piggy long enjoyed his Entry-Right.