Fugitive Poetry. 1600–1878/The Dexterous Thief
The Dexterous Thief.
A cunning wit, but graceless sinner,
Who oft by swindling got a dinner,
And who in all things had a way
To beg, steal, cheat, or anything but pay;
Sauntered, into a chemist's shop one day
In gleaning mood.
The shopman, bowing, asked his pleasure.
"Sir," quoth the rogue, "'twould be a treasure',
Indeed it would,
If I could buy strength, or by weight or measure;
My stomach fails at such a rapid rate,
I go on weekly in more weakly state;
What shall I do? What do you recommend?"
"Steel lozenges," was answered by the attending
minister of drugs. Just then
Some one came in to buy a pen-
Nyworth of something or another;
The shopman turned his back—and t'other
(The rogue I mean),
Noting the well-filled lozerige-boxes as they lay
Upon the counter, stole one, and then stole away,
He thought unseen;—
But 'twas not so—the shopman's eye
Had glanced upon him timorously,
Quick as a shot from shovel ran
Close at his heels, the druggist's man,
Who soon did catch him.
"When taken (doctors say) to be well shaken,"
And just so fared our rogue. Yet not forsaken
By impudence, or tricks, to save his bacon
(There few could match him)
He cleared his throat, and then, to clear his honour,
Spoke thus: "Hold, hold! I'll not be put upon, nor
Abused for placing on your words too much reliance;
You said 'steal lozenges'—I did so, in compliance;
And, as I took them from the counter, it
Was no real taking, but a counter-feat!"
Who oft by swindling got a dinner,
And who in all things had a way
To beg, steal, cheat, or anything but pay;
Sauntered, into a chemist's shop one day
In gleaning mood.
The shopman, bowing, asked his pleasure.
"Sir," quoth the rogue, "'twould be a treasure',
Indeed it would,
If I could buy strength, or by weight or measure;
My stomach fails at such a rapid rate,
I go on weekly in more weakly state;
What shall I do? What do you recommend?"
"Steel lozenges," was answered by the attending
minister of drugs. Just then
Some one came in to buy a pen-
Nyworth of something or another;
The shopman turned his back—and t'other
(The rogue I mean),
Noting the well-filled lozerige-boxes as they lay
Upon the counter, stole one, and then stole away,
He thought unseen;—
But 'twas not so—the shopman's eye
Had glanced upon him timorously,
Quick as a shot from shovel ran
Close at his heels, the druggist's man,
Who soon did catch him.
"When taken (doctors say) to be well shaken,"
And just so fared our rogue. Yet not forsaken
By impudence, or tricks, to save his bacon
(There few could match him)
He cleared his throat, and then, to clear his honour,
Spoke thus: "Hold, hold! I'll not be put upon, nor
Abused for placing on your words too much reliance;
You said 'steal lozenges'—I did so, in compliance;
And, as I took them from the counter, it
Was no real taking, but a counter-feat!"
This pleading proved the rogue no fool,
And quite sufficed to over-rule
The shopman's anger—who, like many a one,
Urged to a length, forgave the mischief done,
And with a caution half pathetical
Dismissed his rogueship, lozenges and all;
And even, lest his stingy master should. I,
Whine at the knave's bad action, made it good.
And quite sufficed to over-rule
The shopman's anger—who, like many a one,
Urged to a length, forgave the mischief done,
And with a caution half pathetical
Dismissed his rogueship, lozenges and all;
And even, lest his stingy master should. I,
Whine at the knave's bad action, made it good.