Fugitive Poetry. 1600–1878/Paramount Punning

Paramount Punning; on Setting Up and Sitting down.

A chap once told St. Patrick's Dean,
While rising from his seat, "I mean
To set up for a wit."
"Ah," quoth the Dean, "if that be true,
The very best thing you can do
Is down again to sit."

Too many, like that would-be wit,
Set up for what they are not fit,
And always lose their aim;—
Set up for wisdom, wealth, renown,
But end the farce by sitting down,
In poverty and shame.

A middling farmer thinks he can
Set up to be a gentleman,
And then sit down content;
But after many a turn and twist,
Is set down on the pauper list,
A fool, not worth a cent!

When farmers' wives and daughters fair
Set up with silks and Leghorns rare,
To look most wondrous winning;
They set upon a slippery stand,
Till indigence, with iron hand,
Upsets their underpinning.

Some city ladies, too, whose gear
Has made them to their husbands dear,
Set up to lead the ton;
Though they sit high on fashion's seat,
Age, death, or poverty, albeit
Will set them down anon.

Some fools set up to live by law,
And though they are "all over jaw,"
Soon fail for lack of brains:
But had the boobies only just
Known where they ought to sit at first,
They'd saved a world of pains.

A quack sets up the doctor's trade,
But could he use the sexton's spade
No better than his pills,
The man might toil from morn to night,
And find his match with all his might
To bury half he kills.

You may set up for what you choose
As easily as wear old shoes,
If e'er so low at present;
But when you have set up in vain,
And find you must sit down again,
'Tis terribly unpleasant.