Diamonds To Sit On/Chapter 30

TO the left of the landing-stage of the Volga River Steamship Company stood the great schemer Bender, together with his friend and helper Pussy Vorobianinov.

Flags were flying over the landing-stage. Smoke was curling out of the steamers’ funnels and the Anton Rubinstein was being loaded at landing-stage Number 2. Heavy machinery, various agricultural implements, and baskets of herrings were stacked ready to be put into the hold. The steamer Scriabin had not come in yet, and this greatly disturbed Hippolyte.

‘Why should you be so upset?’ asked Bender. ‘Supposing the Scriabin were here, how would you get on to it? Even if you had enough money to buy a ticket, it wouldn’t help you, because that steamer isn’t taking any passengers.’

Bender had managed to have a talk in the train with Mechnikov, who was in control of the hydraulic press, and had discovered all the details from him. The Scriabin had been chartered by the Commissariat of Finance and was supposed to be plying between Nizhni and Tsaritsin, stopping at each landing-stage so as to organize a State lottery. For this purpose a whole institution had left Moscow, comprising the Lottery Commission, the clerical staff, a brass band, a cinema operator, Press correspondents, and the Columbus Theatre company. It was intended that the theatrical company should give plays at the various ​202

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stopping-places, and the plays were supposed to popularize the idea of State loans. As far as Stalingrad the theatre company were to be at the disposal of the Financial Commission, and after that it was to make an independent tour of the Crimea and the Caucasus with Gogol’s Marriage. The Scriabin was overdue. It was not expected to be in before the evening because of certain prepara­ tions, and all the passengers from Moscow were waiting on the landing-stage. The typists were sitting on bundles of rope, their suit-cases and ' Underwoods ’ at their feet, and rugs over their knees. Some writing­ tables were piled up in a comer. A soldier was walking up and down guarding the safe, while Persitsky the reporter from the Stanok was standing to one side and was examining the crowd through a pair of binoculars. The Scriabin came in slowly. The siren whistled and the financial-theatrical crowd grew animated. Malkin Galkin, Palkin, Chaikin, and Zalkind ran out of the public-house. The safe was hoisted up by the crane. The acrobatic instructress. Georgette, ran nimbly up the gangway. The cinema operator lifted his apparatus above the heads of the crowd and insisted on having a four-bunk cabin as a laboratory. In the general confusion Hippolyte crept up to the chairs, and, without realizing what he was doing, began to drag one of them to one side. ‘ Drop that chair at once ! ’ said Bender. ‘ Have you no sense ? We’ll get one chair, yes, and the rest will be lost to us for ever. It would be more to the point if you tried to get on to the steamer.’ Members of the brass band passed up the gangway and looked scornfully at the saxophone and flexotone players. The lottery wheels were brought up on a small Ford van. The wheels were of a complicated construction, consisting of six revolving cylinders, and it took a long time to install them on the lower deck. There was a ​A MAGIC NIGHT ON THE VOLGA

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platform arranged; different slogans and placards were nailed to the walls ; wooden benches were put round for the visitors, and electricity was being installed to work the revolving cylinders. The writing-tables were brought on board and the sound of laughter and the clicking of machines came from the typists’ rooms. A pale young man was walking up and down the steamer fixing enamel signs on various doors : ‘ The Department of Mutual Credit ‘ Private ’ General Office ‘ Typing Department ’ ; and under these he nailed smaller ones ; ‘No Admittance Except on Business ‘ No Admittance ‘ All Inquiries should be Directed to the Registrar The first-class saloon was arranged for an exhibition, which raised a storm of indignation from Malkin, Galkin, Palkin, Chaikin, and Zalkind. ‘ Where are we going to eat ? And what if it rains ? ’ they shouted excitedly. Then there was a louder shout. The ‘ Five Noises ’ had discovered that the producer had taken the four chairs into his own cabin. ‘ That’s very nice,’ they shouted sarcastically. ‘ We’U have to rehearse sitting on hard bunks while the producer and his fat wife are using four chairs. Besides, what’s his wife got to do with the company ? We too might like to have our wives here.’ Bender stood on the landing-stage and looked wist­ fully at the steamer. Suddenly Bender and Hippolyte heard a fresh out­ burst of shouts. ‘ Why didn’t you tell me before ? ’ shouted a member of the commission. ‘ How was I to know he’d faU ill ? ’ ‘ It’s damnable ! Go straight back and insist on an artist being sent to us at once.’ ‘ Where am I to go ? It’s six o’clock and the place will be closed. Besides, the steamer leaves in half an hour’s time.’ ​204

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' Very well then, you can do the painting. If you’ve taken on the responsibihty of decorating the steamer, you must see to it yourself.’ Bender rushed up the gangway, pushing people to one side, but he was stopped by an official. ‘ Where’s your pass ? ’ ‘ Comrade ! ’ shouted Bender. ‘ Hi I You over there, Fatty ! You said you wanted an artist.’ Five minutes later he was sitting in Fatty’s cabin discussing the conditions of work. ‘ Now, comrade, you understand what we want. You will be responsible for the artistic placards, inscriptions, and the finishing of our poster. Our artist began it and then fell ill and we’ve had to leave him in hospital. And then, of course, you’ll have to supervise the whole of the artistic side of our organization. Are you willing to take it on ? I warn you there is a great deal of work.’ ‘ I understand,’ said Bender. ‘ I can certainly take it on. I’ve done this kind of work before.’ ‘ Can you come with us straight away ? ’ ‘ Well, it will be rather difficult, but I’ll do my best.’ A great load of anxiety fell from the other man’s shoulders and he looked at the new artist with chilfilike delight. ‘ And your terms ? ’ asked Bender brusquely. ‘ The pay is according to the customary rate.’ Bender frowned. ‘ But, apart from that,’ added Fatty hurriedly, ' you will have your board and a separate cabin.’ ' Very well,’ said Bender with a sigh. ' I agree; but I have a boy with me, an assistant.’ ' Oh, I don’t know about a boy. There is no credit allowed for a boy, but of course if you want to pay for him out of your own salary you can do so, only he’ll have to live in your cabin.’ ‘ All right,’ said Bender, ‘ as you say. My assistant is quite a bright lad and is accustomed to a Spartan existence.’ ​A MAGIC NIGHT ON THE VOLGA

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Bender was given a pass for himself and his assistant, and after slipping his cabin key into his pocket, he came up on deck. He felt great satisfaction as he touched the key in his pocket. For the first time in his life he had a key and a room, only he had no money. But the money, no doubt, was not far off in one of the chairs on board. The great schemer walked up and down the deck without looking at Hippolyte, who had been left on the landing-stage. At first Hippolyte made signs to him. Then he tried shouting across to him, but Bender was deaf. He turned his back on Hippolyte and watched the hydraulic press being lowered into the hold. Everything was ready and the siren let off a piercing scream. The sun was setting and the street-lamps were being lit in the town. Hippolyte was shouting something, but no one was listening to him. He felt deserted and alone. Bender loved dramatic effects, and it was only a few seconds before the siren screamed for the third time, just as Hippolyte had given up aU hope, that Bender looked over the side of the steamer and called out to him : ‘ What are you doing standing there like a fool ? I thought you were on the steamer long ago. They’re just taking in the gangways. Come on, quick! ’ Then he turned to the sailors : ' Let the citizen through, please. Here’s the pass.’ Hippolyte, almost in tears, ran on to the ship. ‘ Is that your boy ? ’ ‘ Boy ? ’ said Bender. ‘ Of course it is. He’s not a girl.’ ‘ Now, Pussy,’ said Bender to Hippolyte, ' we’ll have to set to work to-morrow morning. I hope you know how to mix paints, for I’m an artist. I’ve been through the School of Fine Arts in Moscow and you are my assistant. If you don’t want to be my assistant, then jump ashore quickly.’ The dark green water was being churned up at the ​stem of the ship and the steamer moved slowly forward. The band played a wonderful march and the steamer moved on the current of the river into the darkness. The street lamps and signals on the landing-stage receded and the lights of the town gradually disappeared. The typewriters were still clicking and the members of the commission were sipping tea. There was a warm wind, the river was calm, the band had stopped playing, and it was a beautiful, peaceful night. One of the passengers began to sing ‘ Volga, Volga . . . ’ and somewhere or other Ivanov, the musician, was drawing tender sounds from a piano, while in a comer of the upper deck Malkin, Galkin, Palkin, Chaikin, and Zalkind were practising their jazz noises. Bender was lying on a leather sofa in a first-class cabin. He was looking thoughtfully at Hippolyte and every now and then he would ask him a question.

‘So you can’t draw? That’s a great pity. Unfortunately I can’t either.’ He was silent for a minute and then continued: ‘And lettering? Can you do that? What? You can’t do that either? Well, I must say that’s serious. After all, you and I are supposed to be artists. We can probably fool them for two days, but they’ll throw us out after that, I know. And we’ve got to see to our own business in those two days. The position is more difficult than I imagined, for I’ve just heard that the chairs are in the producer’s cabin. But that’s not really so terrible. The important thing is that we’re on the steamer and we must examine those chairs before they throw us out. It’s too late to-night; I expect the producer is asleep in his cabin.