Diamonds To Sit On/Chapter 26

ALL the members of the Secret Union of the A Sword and Plough and the young men from 'Rapidpack' were standing in a long queue, waiting for flour. Passers-by stopped every now and then to ask what the queue was waiting for. In any of the queues you find outside a shop there is always one man who is more garrulous than the rest, and the farther away he is from the shop door the more garrulous he is. Such a man was Polesov in the flour queue. He was busy proving to the rest of the people that there was sufficient flour in the town to last only four days. There had been a food crisis for three days, but Polesov simply joined the queues out of principle. He had no money, and of course could not buy anything, but he would move from queue to queue, listen to conversations, pass caustic remarks, raise his eyebrows significantly, and make prophetic utterances.

As a result of his whispering the town became full of rumours about the arrival of a secret organization. Kislyarsky heard these rumours, spent a sleepless night because he belonged to the Secret Union of the Sword and Plough, and decided that it would be better for him if he were to confess about it to a Government official. He went to head-quarters and was dumbfounded to find that all the other members of the Sword and Plough had arrived there first. They too had come to confess.

'Here he comes!' shouted Dyadiev. 'This is the ringleader!'

'First of all,' said Kislyarsky as he went up to the desk, 'I should like to say that Iam always in sympathy ​^76

DIAMONDS TO SIT ON

Secondly, I am not the ringleader C^ade Charushnikov is the leader, and his Iddress ‘ Red Army Street,’ shouted Dyadiev. Vla?y'^“^^’^ ■' ’ the two louts, Nicky and

SX^tanSavo^aS,?'

cnffl had managed to buy in for nTV during the food crisis to last her for at least four months. As soon as she ceased to worry about the shortage of food, she began to pine ST™ husband. A visit to the fortune­ teller had not brought her any consolation, for the ards suggested first an increase in salary, then the hnally a meeting with he? husband m a public budding in the presence of an enemy, the King of Spades. The fortunltellin| endS Elena Stanislavovna, for the door%ened and in came the militia. They had come to take the member of the Sword and Plough. ^ritsatsuev-Bender ran home, where she found Varfolomeich waiting for her. < T> waiting two hours for you,’ he said come about your advertisement.’ The widow had a dreadful presentiment. ' bear it ! wailed the widow. Th advertisement in the paper ? ’ widow sat down on a bag of flour sweX""^ ^plrs^T? ^^°”/^^?rion ! ’ said Varfolomeich + Xi Eirst of all, I should like to be quite clear about the reward you offer.’ ​STARGOROD

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‘ Take everything,’ said the widow. ' Anything you like.’ ‘ Well now, I happen to know where your son, Ostap Bender, is to be found. What reward are you offer­ ing ? ’ ‘ Take everything^—everything,’ repeated the widow. ‘ Twenty roubles,’ said Varfolomeich dryly. The widow stood up. Her clothes were covered with flour. ‘ How much did you say ? ’ asked the widow incredulously. ‘ Fifteen roubles,’ said Varfolomeich, feeling he would be lucky to get three roubles from the wretched woman. She went up to the old man, prayed heaven for assistance, and beat him down to five roubles. ‘ Well, well, let it be five, only I must have the money in advance. That’s my usual practice.’ Varfolomeich took two newspaper cuttings from his pocket-book and, without allowing her to touch them, began : ‘ Now just let us examine the whole matter in the right order. You wrote ; I Implore Those persons knowing the whereabouts of Comrade Bender, aged 25-30, brown hair, who left home dressed in a green suit, yellow boots, and pale blue waistcoat, to send infor­ mation to Madam Gritsatsuev, 15 Plekhanov Street, Stargorod

REWARD OFFERED

That’s correct, isn’t it ? Well, that was in the Star­ gorod newspaper, but now your little son is being written about in the newspapers of big cities. Look at this : KNOCKED DOWN BY A HORSE 12 ​178

DIAMONDS TO SIT ON

Don’t be alarmed, just listen to what follows ; KNOCKED DOWN BY A HORSE Yes, yes, he’s alive all right. You don’t think I’d be taking money about a dead man, do you ? Now hsten :

KNOCKED DOWN BY A HORSE Yesterday, in Sverdlov Square, Comrade Ostap Bender was knocked down by a horse belonging to Cabman Number 8974. Com­ rade Bender was unhurt and escaped with a fright.

Now, I’ll let you have these documents and you’ll give me the rnoney in advance. That’s my usual practice.’ The widow paid him the money, and great tears were in her eyes. Her husband, her darling husband, was lying on the ground in some distant Moscow street and a fire-breathing horse was trampling him down, crushing his chest and his pale blue waistcoat. Varfolomeich was perfectly satisfied with his reward, and went home after explaining to the widow that further traces of her husband would no doubt be found in the Stanok newspaper office, where they knew something about everything. A Letter Written from Rostov by Father Theodore to his Wife.

‘ My Dear Katya, ‘ A fresh disappointment has befallen me ; but about that later. I received the money in time and thank you for it most heartily. The moment I arrived I hurried to the address of the cement factory. It was quite a large building, but no one had ever heard of the engineer Bruns. I was almost desperate when ​STARGOROD

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some one suddenly told me to go and look in the directory lists. So I went and I asked at an inquiry office. " Yes,” they said, “ we have had a man of that name on our lists. He was doing responsible work, but he left us last year. He has gone to Baku to work at the oil wells.” ‘ Well, my love, my journey is not to be as short as we imagined. You write that your money is coming to an end, but we cannot help that, Katerina Alexandrovna ; you must be patient. The end is quite near. Arm yourself with patience, pray to God, and sell my old overcoat. We may have to meet some very heavy expenses, and you must be ready for anything. ‘ Life is terribly expensive in Rostov. I have had to pay two roubles twenty-five copecks for a room in the hotel. I shall have enough money to take me to Baku. In case of success I shall wire to you from there. ‘ The weather here is so very hot that I have to carry the borrowed overcoat over my arm. I am afraid of leaving it in my room, for you never know it might be stolen. The people here are rather rough. ‘ I don’t like Rostov. It is considerably inferior to Kharkov, both in population and geographical situ­ ation. But never you mind, my dear, with God’s help we shall pay a visit to Moscow together, and then you will see what a West European town it is. And then we shall settle in Samara, close to our own httle candle factory. ‘ Has Hippolyte returned yet ? I wonder where he is. Racing about somewhere, I suppose ! Does Evstigneyev still come in for dinner ? Have the cleaners returned my cassock yet, and what does it look like now that it has been cleaned ? Whenever you speak about me to people, be sure you tell them I am still at my aunt’s bedside. ‘ I almost forgot to tell you about a terrible thing ​i8o

DIAMONDS TO SIT ON

that happened to me to-day. As I was admiring the peacefulness of the River Don and was lost in thought future happiness, a wind suddenly rose and swept the hat off my head. It was the hat you had borrowed for me from your brother, the baker. It feU mto the river and that was the last I saw of it Here was Mother expense, for I had to buy an English cap, which cost me two roubles and thirty copecks Mind you don t tell your brother, the baker, about this, tell him I am in Voronezh. T are a great nuisance to me here. I wash them m the evening and in the morning, if they are not dry, I have to put them on damp. But it is really quite pleasant in the present heat. ‘ I kiss you. ‘ Your devoted husband

‘ Theodore’